As you know, I'm a strong believer in public service, especially in the form of helpful public service announcements. Halloween is just around the corner, so I thought it appropriate to pass on some Halloween safety information.
1) Don't go inside the house where that self-employed birthday clown lives. You know the one--he smells like stale laundry, cigarettes, and something else you just can't put your finger on.
2)
Don't
visit the house where that creepy security guard lives. He's got a mustache that won't quite fill in
and some weird glasses that look a little too big for his head. He lives in his mom's house, in a special room in the basement. He might
try and convince others that he's in law enforcement, but you know
better.
3) Don't play in traffic.
4) Stay away from roving groups of teenagers carrying shaving cream and cartons full of eggs. They are not your friends.
5) Festive Halloween bonfires and cheap polyester costumes don't mix.
And now, in a spirit of public service, I have a trio of Halloween safety videos for you.
I don't know why Cletus here felt compelled to whip up some homemade fireworks for Halloween, but I'm glad he did:
In
this next video you'll see a safety freak parent transform her little
girl's cool witch costume into some vaguely ku-klux set of white robes,
all in the name of high-visibility. I remember when the first wave of
stranger-danger, razors-in-apples fear swept the country, and this film
followed right after:
I think this Halloween safety video remix hits just the right note:
Finally,
if you decide to just take all the dangerous thrill out of your own
kid's Halloween, here is a suggested safety-friendly costume idea:
Can we get Police Chief Clement to do a Halloween safety film for the burqua brigade scary monsters? "What about that mask? She can hardly see through those tiny holes for her eyes...Ir's too easy to trip over a long full skirt...Now what about that color? We should alwasy wear light bright colors..."
No kidding. My eldest (20) was just saying she feels sorry for little kids now who don't get to celebrate Halloween the way she and her sister did. You've got religious zealots attacking the whole concept of Halloween, do-gooder safety freaks, and educators forbidding scary costumes or "costumes that promote violence", towns banning trick-or-treating altogether in favor of bland, overly-managed "parties"...
Sheesh. I feel like the Howard Beale of Halloween.
Very good advice and with pictures. I too remember the good old days when we could go up and down the blocks, neve rhaving to avoid any of our neighbors homes. We try and make it good for our grand kids but most of the activities include the Haunted House Police Station, or the church Halloween Party and T or T on our block only. How much we've lost, what a world.
8 Comments
Amy Guth said:
HAHA! The banjo really made that first video extra special.
Joe the Cop said:
Banjo makes everything extra special. Well, except for sex and funerals. Those are definitely better without banjo.
Fernando Diaz said:
Note to self: Nix banjo from future sex and inevitable funeral.
dm60462 said:
Can we get Police Chief Clement to do a Halloween safety film for the burqua brigade scary monsters? "What about that mask? She can hardly see through those tiny holes for her eyes...Ir's too easy to trip over a long full skirt...Now what about that color? We should alwasy wear light bright colors..."
Joe the Cop said:
No kidding. My eldest (20) was just saying she feels sorry for little kids now who don't get to celebrate Halloween the way she and her sister did. You've got religious zealots attacking the whole concept of Halloween, do-gooder safety freaks, and educators forbidding scary costumes or "costumes that promote violence", towns banning trick-or-treating altogether in favor of bland, overly-managed "parties"...
Sheesh. I feel like the Howard Beale of Halloween.
Vishus said:
Halloween Safety? Just stay away from this guy! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6ow93idvjw
Moshucat said:
Very good advice and with pictures. I too remember the good old days when we could go up and down the blocks, neve rhaving to avoid any of our neighbors homes. We try and make it good for our grand kids but most of the activities include the Haunted House Police Station, or the church Halloween Party and T or T on our block only. How much we've lost, what a world.
LeftyGolfer said:
Joe, too funny! You should give up your day/night job!........lol
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