I hate Facebook

In that case mom claims that 4 kids set up a fake profile pretending to be her son, and then made all kinds of racist and sexual comments that were attributed to her kid.  Typical stupid high school stuff, albeit taken to a more technologically sophisticated level than you would have found 10 years ago. 

I wonder if mom made a police report before she filed a lawsuit.  We get several cases a year of parents reporting "threats" to, or "harassment" of their precious snowflakes via Facebook or MySpace.  Evidently the old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" isn't used much any more, at least when it comes to parents being offended by what's said online about their kids. 

Since I work in a relatively low-crime suburb, and not for a big city, people actually expect us to do something.  I can't tell the parents to ignore it, or better yet tell their kid to play outside and get the hell off the computer.  Instead, I nod sympathetically and wonder which of my detectives I'm going to dump on by saddling them with a case like this.

Here's why I hate Facebook.  Cases like the one mentioned above are not uncommon, especially among teenagers.  What Facebook has done (other than destroy productivity with its endless quizzes, lists and games)  is to allow a sizable segment of the adult population to revert to the same kind of behavior most commonly seen in overly dramatic teenage girls.

A couple weeks ago we got a report from a woman who said she was being harassed and cyber-stalked by a man in Arizona, with whom she had been Facebook "friends".  She reported that he made a threat to commit a shooting at a university in Indiana where her son attends class.  The woman said she had received numerous messages "of a disturbing and shocking nature".  She provided printed copies of several emails and a flash drive containing dozens of jpg files and some video of the suspect's "psychotic ramblings" and "offensive acts" (those quotes are from the victim).  The woman is 46 years old, and the suspect 48.  They had known each other in high school, and recently resumed contact on Facebook.

Here's what happened:

After assessing the suspect's background and speaking with the campus police in Indiana, we concluded that there was no real threat to her son or his university.  The "shocking and disturbing" files were mostly pictures of the suspect, taken and sent on his iPhone (how's that for an endorsement?) The images show the bald, middle-aged suspect (picture Christopher Lloyd as Uncle Fester) wearing polka dot woman's panties and pleasuring himself.  There were no threats.  Most of the emails went something like this:

I have no good things to say to you. I didnt do a thing to you and you have gone out of your way to try and hurt me if I do the same I would lower myself to your level I am not gonna do that.  So, go become a COW on your farm in Facebook.  Lord knows you got utters just like one.

While I was waiting to hear from police in Arizona, my victim got impatient with how long things were taking. I explained to her what I was doing, and then discussed different ways of proceeding.  She asked me to wait, and not do anything for a few days while she thought about it.  I waited, and then checked back with her, and she asked me to wait a little longer.  The next morning she called my boss and tried to make a complaint against me, saying that I was doing nothing with her case.

Once I made contact with the "suspect" I learned that she had been communicating with him during the entire course of the investigation.  The images sent by the "suspect", it turns out, were exchanged in a spirit of mutual discovery, as they discussed beginning a romantic and sexual relationship.  The "suspect" claimed that my victim was actually harassing him, and had forwarded a number of his photos to several mutual acquaintances and some of the suspect's coworkers.  During one conversation with the suspect, I could hear my victim yelling at him, on speakerphone, on another line in the background.

The next day I received this email from my victim:

"Since you don't want to do your job, I am contacting my attorney."

Shortly after that the "suspect" provided me with several emails and messages of a, shall we say, romantic nature, sent to him by my victim.  These including an edgy 10-second video of my victim's naked breasts.  Later that morning I got a phone call from the victim.  She asked if I had received any emails from the suspect.  I told her that I had indeed.  She apologized, said she was sorry for taking up so much of my time, and was sorry for complaining to my boss.  She asked if I would please just close the case and not take any other action.

I was happy to oblige.


By the way, this story reminded me--I'd like to invite everyone to become a fan of Chicago Now on Facebook!

Just remember--think twice before hitting that "send" button, and remember to play nice.