Today's the big day--Super Bowl Sunday. I've never been a sports bettor, but I do have a basic understanding of point spreads and over/under lines.  Last I saw, the Colts were a 5 1/2 point favorite with the over/under at 57 points.  I've also witnessed some fun proposition bets at Super Bowl parties over the years.

Well, if you're craving action and looking for prop bet ideas to spice up your Super Sunday, how about this: why not devise some exotic bets based on the criminal hijinks of the players?   

Here are a few ideas. (Note: these bets probably can't be settled for days or even weeks after the event.)

• Come up with an over/under for how many days (or hours) after the game before one of the winning players or coaching staff gets pinched for DUI.
• Come up with an over/under for how many days after the game before one of the winning players gets arrested for domestic battery (or drug possession, or battering someone in a drunken brawl).
• Set odds for the likelihood that a player will be arrested for an offense that does not involve alcohol.

You get the idea.

In 1998 authors Jeff Benedict and Don Yaeger published the book Pros and Cons: The Criminals Who Play in the NFL.  In it they claimed that roughly 1 in 5 NFL players had, at some point, been charged with a serious crime.  To the credit of the NFL, the league seems to have cleaned things up since then.

Even so, NFL players certainly seem to get arrested more often than others in their rather unique demographic--college educated men making more than $1 million per year.  The most common reasons for arrest are DUI (which begs the question of why millionaires won't spring for cab fare or a limo) and domestic violence.  Sites like NFL Crimes NewsBlog and Bad Jocks have no shortage of material, and a quick Google search for "NFL arrest" yields plenty of results:

Warren Sapp was arrested in Miami Beach for domestic battery.  He's been dropped from the NFL Network as a result.  He'll have to squeeze in a bond hearing before watching the game.

Dallas Cowboys fullback Deon Anderson was arrested last week for pulling a gun on a restaurant employee during a dispute.

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte Stallworth will be reinstated into the NFL after serving time for killing a pedestrian in a DUI crash in 2009.

In honor of all the past, present and future felons who we continue to cheer for each Sunday afternoon, here's my NFL hall of shame mugshot gallery: 

The Cook County State's Attorney has announced that they will not file criminal charges against CPD Officer Richard Fiorito, accused of faking evidence in multiple DUI arrests.  He still faces federal civil rights lawsuits from nearly 40 people.

After spending nearly a year investigating the allegations, a spokesman for the State's Attorney said that there were too many "credibility issues" with the witnesses:

"Based upon that investigation, it was determined that there were a number of inconsistencies. A number of the witnesses had severe credibility issues. And it was ultimately determined we wouldn't be able to meet our burden which in a criminal case is beyond a reasonable doubt," said Dan Kirk, Alvarez' chief of staff.

In early October, the Chicago Police Department placed Fiorito on administrative leave after ABC7 news aired dash-cam video that seemed to show inconsistencies in his written police reports.

But the state's attorney's office says many of the alleged victims were not credible after reviewing their testimony in different hearings.

"Individual witnesses' testimony differed in ways that can't be explained between different hearings and that is all I can really say about it," said Kirk.

The burden of proof in a civil lawsuit is significantly lower than it is in a criminal trial--remember OJ?  While no cop is above the law, we're not below it either, and police officers accused of criminal conduct have the same constitutional protections as any other defendant. 

Frankly, it doesn't surprise me that a group of 20 or 30 plaintiffs, represented by the same attorneys, could come forward with essentially similar stories about an officer that they wanted to beef on.  And, while the released squad videos are open to interpretation, they certainly do not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Officer Fiorito committed perjury or falsified evidence.  Nor will Officer Fiorito "walk away scott free".  He still faces an internal investigation which could lead to the loss of his job, and the plaintiffs might still be successful in their civil suits.

As for the idea that Anita Alvarez is somehow protecting Officer Fiorito?  That allegation is, simply, ridiculous.  Alvarez' own spokesman points out that the State's Attorney has charged five other CPD officers with felonies within the past year.  Anita Alvarez took office promising to go after bad cops, and if you read posts like this at Second City Cop you'll see that many cops don't view her administration as being particularly "police friendly".

It could be that the Office of the State's Attorney is still smarting from the recent acquittals of other CPD officers that they targeted for prosecution.  A judge recently ruled that the prosecution didn't even "come close" to proving their case against two officers accused of perjury and obstruction of justice in a 2004 drug case.  More to the point, another CPD officer decorated for his DUI enforcement, John Haleas, had been indicted in 2008 for perjury, obstruction, and official misconduct.  The State's Attorney dismissed 156 of his earlier DUI cases as a result.

In November 2009 a judge dismissed the charges against Haleas, ruling that the State's Attorney had improperly used statements that Haleas gave during an internal investigation. 

Like I've said before, I'm no fan of overly zealous DUI enforcement, and cops who abuse their authority and commit crimes make me sick.  Being an overly-aggressive ticket writer might make a cop a jerk, but it doesn't necessarily make him a criminal.
 

"He was clearly joking...He likes pulling people's legs. He's a jokester."

That's Drew Peterson's defense attorney Joel Brodsky, explaining away testimony that Peterson approached an associate about killing Peterson's wife.

According to prosecutors, Peterson approached a former registered sex offender named Jeff Pachter while Peterson was moonlighting at a local cable company.

The "my client might have solicited someone to commit murder but he he was just talking trash", or as I like to call it, the "blowhard defense", has been used before.

When wife beater and former cabaret musician Steve Zirko was on trial for murder last year, prosecutors presented evidence that Zirko tried to recruit someone to kill his wife.  Zirko made the offer to other men he met while in court-ordered anger management counseling on a prior domestic violence case.  His attorney's response?

Zirko's lawyer said his client talked tough but was no killer.

"He's full of hot air," said lawyer Barry Spector...

Zirko was convicted of murder and is now serving a life sentence. 

We'll see how things work out for Drew Peterson. 

CPD Officers Michael Bernichio and Daniel Murphy were found not guilty of perjury and conspiracy to obstruct justice.  My bet is that this acquittal won't get nearly the amount of media coverage that the original indictment did, much in the same way that lawsuits against the police don't get as much coverage when they're dismissed as when they're filed.

The case against the officers stemmed from their 2004 arrest of one Morris Wynn.  Wynn's conviction was overturned by the Illinois Appellate Court in 2007, and 16 months later the Cook County State's Attorney indicted the two officers.  The judge who acquitted the two officers said that prosecutors didn't even "come close" to proving their case.

Second City Cop has a good take on the story here.

The iPad is out.  All joking aside (will this product have wings, how will it react if I pour blue liquid on it, etc) at 9.5" x 7.5" it's just the right size to be really convenient, and very easy to steal. 

Like GPS units, digital cameras and leather coats, the iPad is destined to become a popular item to steal from parked cars.  Not to mention that it will provide yet another means by which the tech-obsessed can ignore their surroundings while on public transportation and make targets of themselves.  Maybe The Windy City Rounder can start a pool (using play money people, I know gambling is illegal) on how long it will take before the first iPad transit thefts are reported on the CTA Tattler or Redeye's Going Public.

Only time will tell if this latest innovation from Apple will surpass the current top 5 commonly stolen things, or if it will prove more popular to thieves and identity thieves than its predecessors the iPod and iPhone. 

Kevin T. Singer is a sad gamer. 

The lifelong Dungeons and Dragons fan, and convicted murderer, just lost his lawsuit against the Wisconsin Department of Corrections. 

Prison officials had banned all Dungeons and Dragons materials in 2004, cruelly snatching away Singer's chance to finally become a Level Ten Halfling.  Perhaps the warden was concerned that Singer, serving a life sentence for bludgeoning a man to death with a sledgehammer, would try and use some of his D&D manuals to fashion an improvised "Mace of Disruption" or "Staff of Power" to use against the guards.

Singer sued officials at Waupun prison, claiming that their ban on Dungeons and Dragons violated his free speech and due process rights.  The court told him to get lost.  The decision included this refreshingly succinct piece of language:

After all, punishment is a fundamental aspect of imprisonment, and prisons may choose to punish inmates by preventing them from participating in some of their favorite recreations...

Singer's lawsuit may have you scratching your head, wondering how this piece of litigation ever made it to court in the first place.  This suit is a perfect example of the bizarre prison lawsuit, and there are hundreds more just like it every year.  Face it--put a man in prison for 20 or 30 years with nothing to do but lift weights and read law books, and this is what you get.

I couldn't find any figures for how much money such lawsuits cost the Illinois Department of Corrections each year.  This story, run by WTHR in Indianapolis, estimates that malicious litigation by prisoners costs the state of Indiana more than $1 million yearly.  After citing several examples of ridiculous litigation, the story closes with this point:

Many of those lawsuits seem ridiculous, and the biggest losers in all this are the inmates who have legitimate complaints because their lawsuits get mixed in with the frivolous ones.

A 2008 study titled Citizens in Chains: The High Cost of Prisoner Lawsuits to California Taxpayers claims that prisoner-initiated litigation has cost the state of California $191 million over a six year period.  Two new prisoner lawsuits are filed each day on average.

A few quick Google searches turn up some interesting links.  An Alabama inmate known as "Sir Keenan Kester Cofield" has filed more than 100 lawsuits against various prison officials.

Washington Inmate #287455, John R. Demos, has filed hundreds of lawsuits claiming that:

• His civil rights have been violated because paper money is no longer backed by silver.
• As a member of the Chocktaw Indian tribe, he's entitled to a $15 million reimbursement for treaties broken in the 1800s.
• As a male, he's a victim of sex discrimination because the prison system won't ship him to the Washington Corrections Center for Women at Purdy.
• He's also alleged his rights were abridged when the prison didn't recognize his new name, Anwarr Ibenn Abdul Hakeem Shabazz.

Neither of those cons can top the litigious activity of Jonathan Lee Riches.  Riches was proclaimed the "most litigious man in the world" by the Guinness Book of World Records.  Shortly after that, Riches sued the Guinness Book of World Records.  Riches has filed more than 1,000 lawsuits since 2006 while incarcerated in federal prison for wire fraud.

The Record, a legal journal covering downstate Madison and St. Clair counties, ran an interesting round up of prisoner litigation involving IDOC inmates.

I've put together a gallery of some incarcerated litigants, with a brief description of each one's beef with the system. Check it out:

A friend just sent me an email containing this mug shot:

I have no idea who that inmate is, or what he was arrested for, which is a shame.  I'd like to know more about him, and I'd also like to ask him if he's been shot since getting his facial tattoos. 

Whoever this mystery tattooed jailbird is, he's an up and coming Internet sensation, with his mugshot recently appearing here, here, here, here and here.  Even so, he's still not as hardcore as these creepy bastards.

Once again I'm reminded that, as long as there are people like this roaming our streets, I have plenty of job security.

One of the things I do in my job is to look for patterns.  Usually it involves going through reports to see if there are common factors like time of day, neighborhood or victim type that might link crimes that would at first seem unrelated. 

When I read crime-related stories in the news I find that I tend to do the same thing.  I look for patterns or trends, only in this case it's more likely for my own curiosity or entertainment.  This week I think I've spotted one trend, and one possible trend (note: in my world of bourbon-fueled anecdotal evidence, it only takes three incidents to prove a trend or theory).

Trend #1: There appears to be an epidemic of people in the northwest suburbs freaking out and confronting police with edged weapons.

Police in Des Plaines shot and killed a man who attacked an officer with an axe.  The shooting has been ruled as justified, and the officer is back on duty.

Police in Niles Tasered an 83-year-old woman who threatened them with a butcher knife.  While granny-tasering might seem harsh to some, it looks like she was trying to provoke the cops into killing her--a "suicide by cop".  Compared to braining her with a baton, shooting her, or wrestling her and her butcher knife to the ground and risking multiple stab wounds, the Taser was a fine alternative.

Police in unincorporated Glenview shot and killed a man who attacked them while brandishing a sword.  That incident, reported Monday, is still under investigation.

It would appear that if you plan on confronting the police with an edged weapon, being an elderly female (as opposed to an aggressive, healthy male in your 20's or 30's) greatly improves your chances of being zapped instead of shot.

(Emerging) Trend # 2: C-list celebrities are migrating into rural America, bringing their bizarre celebrity crime with them.

Andy Dick, who was in West Virginia to appear at a club called "The Funny Bone", got himself arrested for groping the crotches of an unknown bar patron and a bouncer.  In the past few years Dick has been forcibly removed from the Jimmy Kimmel show, arrested for public urination, and arrested for groping a 17-year-old girl and drug possession.

Gary Coleman was arrested in Santaquin, Utah, on a failure to appear warrant. It's unclear how the warrant originated.  Coleman was in the news recently after being hospitalized.  In the past Coleman has punched out a woman who made fun of his career, been cited for disorderly conduct, arrested for reckless driving, and fought in bowling alleys.  Coleman was bonded out of jail by a man who described himself as "a lifelong fan of "Diff'rent Strokes."

We'll see if a third C-lister heads to the country and confirms my trend in the coming weeks.

I always enjoy reading John Kass.  No other local columnist writes so well on the topics of Illinois politics, crime and corruption.  Kass also deserves a lot of credit for helping to get wrongfully convicted CPD Officer Mike Mette out of an Iowa prison after Mike was railroaded in a Dubuque courtroom.

And now comes today's column: