All The Single Ladies

Relationships Archives

So your boyfriend (or girlfriend) still has a profile on an online dating site...

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I've mentioned before about all of the other writers that I adore. Well that is why I am really excited to be involved in a fun new project with a large group of them.

Allow me to introduce the folks over at Met Another Frog, Alex of the Urban Dater, Feisty Woman, KB in NYC, Lena, Lucky Girl, Man Shopper, Mike Masters, Miss Melisa Mae, Nikki B, Simone Grant, Miss Taylor Cast, and Jackie Summers, who (along with yours truly) make up the members of The Insomniac Club.

Starting today, once a month, we will take one question and each post our thoughts on the subject. The goal is to open up dialogue and maybe even inspire a good healthy debate. Plus you might even discover another blogger to enjoy.

To keep up with everything just look for the hashtag #InsomniaClub on Twitter.

And now for the first topic:

You've just discovered you partner still has an online dating profile...

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Match.com releases new study on singles

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Recently a research firm conducted a survey for Match.com about the behavior of singles. They surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and I have to say that I found the results to be pretty interesting. Now, let me just say that I tend to be pretty skeptical of statistics. So I know that this doesn't mean that every woman or man out there does or doesn't feel this way but never the less, I found the findings to be interesting.

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Dating shouldn't be segregated

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Yesterday I received a less than flattering comment through the contact form on my personal website. And while I am not a fan of those comments because they are a total blow to the ego that is not technically what this post is about but it's important to mention because it made me think and it's largely what has inspired this post.

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Dating advice I don't understand: Signs to tell he thinks you're the one

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I read a lot of stuff on the internet. Some of it is really awesome and some of it I don't really understand. I mean, I comprehend what it is saying but it just baffles me. Yesterday a friend sent me an article called "5 Signs He Thinks You're The One" which I believe was published earlier this month in Cosmo. This would be a perfect example of an article that baffles me. And I know I am a little late to the game on this, but I really felt like I wanted to share my two cents.

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Should you make a guy work for sex?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I read an article the other day and for the life of me, I can't find where it was that I read it but it talked about having sex on the first date and how it's too soon and so on. Clearly that is not really that uncommon of an idea, I mean I have read that in countless books and articles. But somewhere in the article it mentioned how a woman should make a man work for it. Coincidentally I have had conversations about this with a couple of guy friends I know lately so apparently there are quite a few people that share this belief. 

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I won't give up on dating

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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This guy looks like he's done dating

Throughout my life, many people have told me that I am a very positive person. I can find something positive in almost any situation in life. And yes, I will openly admit that sometimes it's a little annoying, maybe even a little sickening but it's just the way I have always been.

Honestly, I have no idea where it comes from. Trust me, my life hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. I have had my share of heartache, troubles, and what have you (we all have). It's just somehow I see the other side I guess. I see how things could be worse or how things will get better. No matter what happens, I see something that makes it seem like it's not the end of the world. Granted sometimes it takes me a couple of days (or years), but nevertheless I still see it.

I was reminded of this positive attitude in a conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about dating and all of the annoying and frustrating things we have had happen to us during our million years of dating. He is tired of all the bad things that happen and all the excitement over dates/relationships that fail in the end. So his answer is to just give up. He wants to just stop dating. And he asked if I had ever thought the same thing.

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If you don't want a second date then don't talk about it it

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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The last couple of dates that I have been on have been pretty good dates. Actually one date was pretty awesome and fabulous and you can read about my thoughts on all of that over here. At any rate, the dates were pretty good and I sensed that the feelings were somewhat mutual since each guy mentioned what we should do on our second date.

Well, here it is weeks later and I have yet to actually have those second dates.

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Book review: It Just Hasn't Happened Yet

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I've mentioned before (on more than one occasion) that as a single person I feel like I am constantly explaining why I am single. Whenever someone asks me I generally say something about how I haven't met someone who I want to be non single with yet. After I say this I generally feel like this should be enough but we all know that sometimes that just isn't the case. Instead the other person feels they need to give you advice and/or diagnose why you are single.
 
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Guest Post: A little something about decorum

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Today I have an awesome guest post from my dear friend Dave Sorrell, also known as @rookiephenom on Twitter. I really love guest posts from guys because sometimes (or always) it's nice to get a little perspective from them. Now, we all know that I don't think there every guy feels the exact same way about things, but still it's nice to get their perspective.  Anyway, here he is talking about a little something called decorum.

 

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Single Woman TV: Breaking up during the holidays

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Breaking up sucks. There is really no other way to put it other than that. Actually, I am pretty sure that I have said it once or twice so I am sorry if it sounds like I am repeating myself.

Breaking up also sucks around the holidays because, well, it's a little difficult to know exactly how to handle it. Should you stick around to make it through the holidays or is it better to just end it?

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Advice for a reader: Should you give up on online dating?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Frustrated man hitting monitor screen on forehead

A little over a week ago I wrote a little advice for a reader who was curious to know if a guy was into her. Well, that same reader wrote again to ask my opinion on something else she is curious about - is online dating really worth it?

It seems as though she's had her fair share of bad dates and failed relationships with guys she has met off the internet. There was even a guy who told her that he felt there could always be someone more interesting to meet since there are so many potentials online. So even though he might meet a really awesome woman, he still feels tempted to respond when other women contact him.

It seems as though she is feeling a little beat up and wonders if there is a purpose to this whole online dating thing or if she should just give up.

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Advice for a reader: Is he that into me?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I recently received an email from a reader asking for advice. She doesn't want me to share her entire email with everyone so I am just going to give you the gist.

She recently met a guy from an online dating site and they have been spending time together. However she is a bit confused due to the fact that he's openly admitted that he is divorced, meets other chicks from the dating site, and is really hung up on woman he met a few months ago who currently has a boyfriend. So she wants to know if he is interested in her or just wants to be friends.

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Does your boyfriend have to be friends with your friends?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Group of people relaxing around sofa, holding drinks and laughing

I've always been the girl who wanted a boyfriend who was friends with my friends. And I don't mean they play nice together when we are hanging out. No, I mean actual friends. You know the kind of friends who actually know things about one another. Maybe even hang out together when I am not around.

Call me totally crazy, but that is how I felt. My friends are important to me, always have been and always will be. In fact, I even consider my really close friends to be part of my family. So I guess it just seemed normal to want a guy to be a part of that. I can openly admit that I have had second thoughts about a guy who I thought might not "fit in" with my circle of friends.

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In defense of the shy guy

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

Man in boxers crouching

Recently I made a new friend. I kind of use the term friend loosely here as I have been engaging in a little flirtation with him. Read that as I have been flirting my ass off. He knows it and it seems to be pretty mutual.

Anyway, upon getting to know this guy, he has openly admitted to me on more than one occasion that he is a really shy guy - actually to be technical here he is a shy guy who is also on the clean cut side. This is generally the kind of guy that I have a really hard time meshing with and I know it's a problem for other women too.

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Chemistry is not the only thing that is important in a relationship

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have mentioned a few times about how important chemistry is to me. Honestly, it's just something that I need in a relationship. And maybe it's a made up idea or something you use as an excuse when you just aren't that into a guy, but for me it is truly important.

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I am featured on Cupid's Pulse

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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It's no big secret that I recently turned 30. It's also no big secret that I felt pretty okay with being single on my birthday. In fact, I even wrote a whole list of reasons about why it's great to be single on your birthday. A lot of things have happened over the past few weeks and it has caused me to really think about a lot of things. Actually, for some reason, I thought about when I was 20 and how I saw my life at 30 then.

So, when the awesome folks over at Cupid's Pulse asked me to write a guest post about turning 30 and being single, I was completely thrilled (and highly flattered). Head on over there and check out my thoughts from a single 30-year-old.

Paid dating sites vs. free dating sites

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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This guy looks really serious. I wonder which dating site he is browsing.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet Sam Yagan, the CEO of OkCupid for breakfast. We had a pretty fantastic talk about dating, specifically online dating. Seems logical right? I mean what else would the CEO of an awesome dating site and a dating blogger talk about?

We talked a lot about OkCupid and other dating sites and he asked some of the things I like about OkCupid. Aside from the fact that I seem to find some amazing blogging fodder from the site (aka the DTF guy and the guy who offered me free pie), I also said that I like that there is an instant messaging service because I feel like you can weed out creepers without giving them personal information.

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I don't want a guy who needs to be fixed

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I was chatting with a friend today about dating. He's a friend from Indiana who tends to get annoyed with the whole internet dating thing (hey, don't we all?) so a lot of times that's where our conversations lead.

Sometimes he feels frustrated when he sends a message to a woman and she doesn't respond. Forgive me here because I am paraphrasing since I don't remember the exact way he phrased it but apparently another friend once told him that maybe he's a little too put together. You know, it kind of goes with that idea that women want a man that they can change or fix.

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The BreakUP Club

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Break ups suck. I honestly tried to think of a really clever and creative way to word that, but let's face it there isn't one. Even if you see it coming. Even if you are the person who is ending the relationship. Even if you know there is not a shot at the relationship working. It doesn't matter, a break up is no fun at all.

That's why I am really excited to share a new project that Tristan Coopersmith (one of my favorite relationship coaches) is starting. The project is called the BreakUP Club and the idea is to turn a break up into something positive. It's a place where women can come together to get over a crappy break up in a very positive way.

Anyone who knows me can attest that I am far too positive for my own good so I am definitely a fan of this. Actually I am a little jealous I didn't think of it myself.

The BreakUP Club is offering a free workshop if you are in Los Angeles. Here are the details:

BreakUP Club Introductory Event
October 12, 2010
7:00pm-8:30pm
Blank Spaces
5405 Wilshire Blvd (b/w La Brea Blvd & Hauser Blvd)
Los Angeles, CA 90036

First impressions are exhausting

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

My niece and nephew came for a little visit this past weekend. We planned to go to the Museum of Science and Industry and the Lincoln Park Zoo. As we were getting ready to go on Saturday, my niece picked out what she wanted to wear. She chose a pair of black leggings with a pink and black striped sweater dress mainly because I was wearing black leggings and a black dress and she loves to wear outfits that match what I am wearing. She also decided that she wanted to wear the socks that I bought her when I was in NYC.
 
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A relationship should be 50/50

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships. I am not sure exactly what I said, but something made him mention that he felt the man should be the dominant one in the relationship. This kind of caught me off guard and I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or cute and clever. Turns out that is the way that he genuinely feels and I am not really sure why but that just seems a little strange to me.
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A relationship should be 50/50

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

close up side view of young man and young woman sharing drink
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships. I am not sure exactly what I said, but something made him mention that he felt the man should be the dominant one in the relationship. This kind of caught me off guard and I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or cute and clever. Turns out that is the way that he genuinely feels and I am not really sure why but that just seems a little strange to me.
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Too much too soon: What's the point?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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We've all met (and dated) the too much too soon guy. You know the guy that you go on a date with and he talks about all the things you guys can do together. He's incredibly complimentary but in a way like no other because he makes you truly think about the possibility of a relationship. And not just any relationship, but a relationship with him. You become hopeful, excited, curious.

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Are women too picky?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Couple shopping for jeans

I've been thinking a lot lately about this whole idea that women are too picky. It's not a big secret that people often think women dump men for silly things like wearing white socks with black pants or brown shoes with a black shirt and so on. I've known many women like that and I can admit that there was once a time that I found myself saying things like that when I realized I was losing interest in a guy.

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Does it even matter if there is someone out there for everyone?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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"Dear God, please bring me a boyfriend this year"

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my frustrations with dating. It's been quite a run with me and this whole dating thing. Frankly I just get a little annoyed when everything seems to end up the exact same way. And while it's something I know I could never give up on (it's just not me to really give up on much of anything), I still have to say that sometimes I wonder if it's really getting me anywhere.

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Just be honest already

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Apparently things aren't going to work out exactly the way that I thought with Mr. Google. I know that generally things don't work out the way you plan them and that's not always a bad thing. Life is full of surprises and some of them are fantastically pleasant. But no matter how aware you are that things can go bad, it's still disheartening when it actually happens. Actually, it pretty much sucks.

I am honestly not even sure where to start. It's just one of those things where I thought things were going one way but turns out they were going in the complete opposite direction.

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Catch My Boys on TBS

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I'm sure many of you have heard of the show My Boys on TBS. Over the long weekend, I had a chance to catch most of the episodes in the current season.

My Boys, which is in it's fourth season, takes place in Chicago. The show is really centered around relationships (including friendships), mainly those of the main character, PJ who is considered one of the guys. PJ is really the core of her circle of friends as she is the main reason they all met and are friends. Think of the humor and sitcom feel of Friends mixed with all the relationship issues and mishaps of Sex and the City.

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Does your single status really say anything about who you are?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

 

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I know I have written about why I am single many times before but it kind of seems like it's a subject that a person can go on and on about. There are so many ways to look at it and there are always new thoughts that come up. Let's face it, when you are single you almost always run into someone who wants you to have some clear cut reason for it.

Honestly the question annoys me because I don't understand why it always seems to come up. Why do people need a reason? It almost seems like people always want to diagnose that whole single thing - I mean there must be a reason for it, right? Never in my life have I ever heard anyone ask a person why they are in a relationship. So what's the deal with asking single people? I mean really, it's not that weird to be single is it?

One thing that really bothers me is when I start talking to a new guy and that is one of the first questions that flies out of his mouth. I mean forget what your favorite movie is or your hobbies. No, instead they want to know why I am single.

I can admit that sometimes that question spawns interesting conversations, like when a guy shares stories with me about his crazy ex-girlfriends. But more often than not I feel that question is used for some sort of judgment. It's almost as if people think the reasoning behind your single status will explain everything about you and will also somehow determine if you are relationship material or not.

It's like that question - when was your last relationship - which, coincidentally I am equally annoyed by. Does it really honestly matter when it was? Actually, I have to tell you I am more afraid of the person that tells me their last relationship was a month ago than the person that says 10 years ago.

Honestly, I have a couple of thoughts on all of this. First of all, you don't really want to know the real reason why I am single. I mean, let's be honest here if I have decided to stay single because I wanted to have sex with half the city, do you really (I mean really) want to know that?

What you really want is some kind of confirmation that I am not some psychotic bitch or assurance that I want a serious relationship. Which brings me to my second point - if you really want to know if I am relationship material then try dating me.

I have to tell you, if I am some crazy psycho who slashed my ex-boyfriends tires, I am surely not going to tell you that's why I am single. Likewise, just because I haven't been in a relationship for the better part of the past decade doesn't necessarily mean I am not relationship material. I mean maybe I have made some mistakes in my past and took time to learn from them. It also be that I wasn't ready for a relationship before and now I am.

Now sure, I am not going to deny that there are probably cases out there where the answers to these questions were spot on about what a person was really like and there are obviously some pretty sketchy reasons for a person's single status. But I will argue that it's not always the case. The reason for being single or the length of time that a person has been single doesn't necessarily tell you anything about a person. Plus it's really easy to sugar coat things (or flat out lie).

The fact of the matter is that people will tell you who they are if you really listen so how about just taking a little time (or you know, at least a couple of dates) and get to know them a little. That to me seems like such a much better and it greatly increases your chances of actually knowing what a person is like. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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If a woman says she's not interested that means she's not interested

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man Laughing

A little over a month ago, I talked about the guy who threatened that he was going out with other women because I was too busy to meet him. Well, he is back. Actually, to be quite technical he's made a few guest appearances here and there over the past month

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Long distance relationships: Yay or nay?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

High angle view of a businessman talking on a mobile phone and smiling Model Release: Yes Property Release: NA

Long distance relationships aren't for everyone. I've been in my fair share of them to know that sometimes they suck. You have to schedule time to be together and sometimes you miss out on stuff. And you have to rely so much on verbal communication because you can't be physically together when you want to be.

Sometimes one (or both) people involved don't even realize that they can't handle it until they're actually in a long distance relationship. When I was in college and moved to Indianapolis, I had a boyfriend. I think we lasted a month or two before things started to fizzle and ended with him telling me he just couldn't handle the distance because he didn't want to have to worry about when he would see me again. So even though I was fine with it and he assured me he was fine with it, he ended up bailing.

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It's called having sexual confidence

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Fishnet stockings

The other day, I was talking to a friend that I have known for a while. He doesn't live in Chicago so really we mostly trade e-mails back and forth. Occasionally his e-mails involve something to do with my blog since he reads it fairly regularly.

Anyway, we were discussing how some guys choose to approach me when they are "hitting" on me. He advised that I should be aware of my confidence and sexual aura (actually he flat out said to be careful how I use it). And also talked about how I blog about sex so maybe some guys get a certain idea about me.

I am not so sure how I feel about that. Actually, I entertained his ideas for a few moments and then thought to myself are you kidding me?

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In defense of the nice guy

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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For some reason I have been thinking about this whole nice guy thing lately. It could be that Mr. Google
appears to be a pretty freaking nice guy. But then again it could just be that I randomly think about things and then over analyze them to death. After all, that is what I do best as a writer/blogger.

When I was younger, I was way too into bad boys. I mean I was that girl that broke up with guys because they were too nice and then started dating the bad boys. I dated a guy that stole my parents' credit card, there was also a guy that didn't graduate high school and was heavily involved with some highly suspicious entrepreneurs (if you catch my drift). Half the guys I dated didn't have a driver's license because they were in trouble with the law in some fashion.

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You're happy, so why cheat?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Cheating happens. Not that I am trying to say that I condone it or excuse it but the fact of the matter is that is happens. One thing that I really don't understand about cheating is why people do it. Actually, correction I do not understand why people do it and then go on and on about how much they love their significant other (and how happy the person makes them).

First things first, let's clear up the things that I understand.

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I'm independent but that doesn't mean I can't be (a little) dependent

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young man helping a Young woman with a can opener

On more than one occasion I have had guys mention how there are certain characteristics they feel might keep me single. Then a few weeks ago at one of the ChicagoNow tweet ups, a friend asked me if I felt I had any habits or characteristics that I thought attributed to the fact that I am single.

There are things about me that I know certain guys don't like. I don't say that to make me sound bad or to imply I am a bad person. Honestly, I don't think that I am supposed to be liked by everyone and I certainly don't think that everyone has to want to date me. At the end of the day I just believe that people are who they are (though I am definitely not saying no one can change ever).

However, I know there is one thing that can be problematic at times. I want to avoid sounding completely cliché here, but the fact is that I am a very independent woman and tends to be a problem in the dating world. Though sometimes I feel it's because it often leads to so many incorrect assumptions.

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When the ex comes back around, part 3

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I last left off (once again) with my story about Mr. BST. This time I left in the midst of our text conversation where he had asked how I would feel if he came to Chicago to see me and things were physical. And by physical I mean sex or at least a whole lot of sexually related things.

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When the ex comes back around, part 2

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young Man with Cell Phone

When I last left off I confessed that I responded to Mr. BST's text. I kind of feel that before I can really go into my response and all of the events over the past few days that I need to explain exactly what happened when I first met Mr. BST. That is, the important parts anyway (it's kind of a long story). It's pretty important to understand my frustration with this whole situation and why I feel it is necessary to shut him out of my life.

As I said before I met Mr. BST seven or eight years ago. We met and dated for a few weeks until one day he told me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but wanted to be friends (lamest excuse in the book, I know).

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When the ex comes back around, Part 1

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man outside window

A couple of nights ago, I was enjoying a few moments of couch time when I received a text. I looked at my phone to see who it was from and I was a little shocked. The text read "hey what's up it's Mr. BST." It took a few minutes to actually sink in and, honestly, I'm not sure if I can pinpoint what I felt at that very moment. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Curiosity. Far too many emotions.

Mr. BST was my first love. I guess you could call him my ex though I have to use that term pretty loosely here because I'm not really sure what he is or ever was. But the important thing to know here is that somewhere in whatever we were (or weren't) doing we fell in love. Utterly, madly, hopelessly in love.

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You like me but that doesn't mean you have to like everything about me

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Mr. Google and I were talking the other day. Yes, that means he is still kind of in the picture. That is, as much in the picture as one can be when he is a few states away. Anyway, we were talking the other day when he said what I would like to call an over compliment. And it really made me think.

Here is the abridged version of the story. There are some not so flattering pictures of me on Facebook. I consider them not flattering because my hair is a much different color than it is now. Clearly I am totally going to out myself here, but no, the brunette is not natural. Honestly, I detest my natural hair color (on me). Mr. Google confessed that he discovered the pictures of me on Facebook and said that he thinks I look beautiful either way.

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We are human beings, not porn stars

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Lovers Undressing

I am going to make somewhat of a confession here - I have been known to enjoy watching an occasional porn or two. And honestly I am not saying that to shock anyone because I think it's a pretty normal and natural kind of thing. Porn can be a pretty fun and even a pretty useful sort of thing, but all too often I think it's easy to forget that porn was also created for entertainment purposes.

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Why can't we be friends?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Friendship Day with children and dog  

A thought occurred to me the other day - why do I seem to find so many guys that are opposed to being friends? I have had many conversations with guys, both from internet dating sites and just in general, and more often than not I hear things like "I'm not looking to make friends" or "I have enough friends already."

I'm not really even sure if I understand the phrase - I have enough friends. How is that really even possible? Are you really so popular that you have no room left in your life for another friend? I mean, you really can't even entertain the idea at all?

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A good date happens (once in a while)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man and woman laughing

I feel like I never really write about the good stuff that happens in dating. It could be that not enough good stuff actually happens (to me anyway) but I really hate saying that. I don't want to be the cynical woman that thinks that. The truth is, life (and dating) is not all rainbows and butterflies, bad things happen. Plus I feel like I have so many stories to share about my misadventures with guys that sometimes the good just escapes me.

Anyhow, I made a vow to myself that the next time something good happened I'd blog about it. After all, it's only fair and I like to play fair. Well, I am sure that you have guessed by now that something good has happened and it might seem small but I believe you should always keep promises.

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Sometimes you are just not the right (nice) guy

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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There is something I have kind of noticed a lot lately in some of the guys I have been meeting. A lot of them seem to have this whole "I am the man" kind of attitude about them just because they think they are a nice guy. I guess just being nice should be enough and apparently I am a total ass for even questioning if I want to date them.

Now, wait a second here, because I know what you are probably thinking. I am not advocating anything against dating nice guys here. So let me make it clear here that I am not saying that a woman should choose a bad boy over a nice guy. Rather, I am saying that a woman shouldn't want to date a man based solely on the fact he is nice. There is more to dating and a relationship than that.

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Sometimes I am busy (Part 2) - I don't respond to threats

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

Man with laptop sitting on stool

Dating is frustrating (I am pretty sure I have said that before) and more often then not things don't go the way you want them to. Sometimes I think Saturday would be a great date night but the guy isn't available until Sunday. Sometimes I like guys that have no interest in me at all. And more often than I care to admit, I want what I can't have. We've all been there, but it's life and you have to deal with because let's face it there isn't really anything else to do about it.

I came back to the city earlier this week. Actually I came back a day later than I thought because there was a little mishap with the train schedule. Needless to say I was tired, a little cranky, and was really just ready to be home. Of course Mr. Doesn't Understand That I am busy that I talked about in my previous post started in with his spiel about how he really wants to meet me and so on.

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Sometimes I am busy (Part 1)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Shadow of annoyed woman at computer

The fact that I tend to be a pretty busy girl is pretty well known to anyone who knows me. This is not a fact that I hide or sugar coat from guys when I first meet them. There are times when I don't have that much on my plate and other times when my plate is full everyday. I've always thought this is pretty normal for the life of a single woman in the city.

Now, before I go any further, let me make it clear that I genuinely try to make time for dating. And if I meet a guy I want to seriously date I will definitely make time for him in my life as well. But do I really feel the need to keep a few nights open just in case I get a date? Probably not.

With that said, obviously this can be a problem when I am trying to set up a first date with someone. As hard as I try, sometimes it's just not possible to set up something for a few days and in some cases it might have to even wait a week. I don't say that to come across as some kind of superficial bitch or to imply that my life is anymore important than anyone else's because I definitely don't feel that way. All I genuinely ask for is a little patience when this happens, especially when I am being upfront about it and when I would do the same thing if the situation was reversed.

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There is an exception to everything

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have always been the woman that can totally separate sex from feelings. I understand that people you are having sex with don't always care about you and that you don't always have sex with people you care about. Let's all be honest here, no matter how bad it might sound, sometimes people are just there for simple pleasure. It might be wonderfully blissful mind blowing pleasure, but never the less, it's just pleasure. I also understand that sometimes the line between sex and feelings can get a little blurry which is something that has caused me a little trouble in the past.

There was once a guy that I had this insane crush on but it became evident to me that the feeling was not mutual so I pretty much closed the door on the idea of dating him. As we spent more time together, we managed to become awesome friends. Until one night we engaged in a pretty heavy make out session that turned into two years of fooling around during which I took his virginity.

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So why be in a relationship if you're happy being single?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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The other day I was having that whole "get to know you" conversation with a new guy. We chatted about various things and the subject of writing came up which of course led to the topic of this blog. Then, somehow, I was faced with the question about why I would want a relationship when I was content with my status as a single woman.

Essentially I guess the guy was not expecting to find out I write about dating and single life. Then of course he felt I wasn't a woman who would really be interested in a relationship since that could alter the subject of my blog. I told him that I am definitely open in having a relationship and I will handle things as they come. This seemed to settle him but then he listened to me on the radio. Apparently something I said made it very obvious to him that I was happy being single and it made him wonder why I would want to change anything if I was happy.

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I'm bored so do you want to go out?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Bored man waiting at table in restaurant

We've established that some guys need to learn what a date really is (and also a better place to meet women off the internet). Well, I kind of feel like we need to go into this whole asking a girl out on a date thing. I am just going to get straight to the point here, the words "I'm bored" should never be followed by "would you like to meet" (or any other derivative of that).

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Guest post: So...do you want my phone number or what?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

It's time for another guy to guest blog on dating rules. This time we have a post from Dennis Frymire about that whole "you have to wait three days to call a girl" rule.

Woman offering piece of paper with her phone number
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Need to pretend to be committed? There's a ring for that

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

For anyone who is keeping count, we have established that I am not obsessed with marriage but that I want to fall in love. We have also established that I don't think a woman is ever really unmarried but that she can be single at any age. It would only seem fitting that last night while watching MTV, I would discover that someone has decided to make an entire business out of helping women pretend to be committed.

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Dating lessons: Chicago is too small and I attract crazies

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Funny Facial Expression

For some reason, over the past few weeks, Fridays have seemed to be my day of reflection. I am not really sure why that is but I will go with it. This week I have learned two things. First, Chicago might be a rather big city but it's much smaller than you think. Second, if there is a crazy guy within a 50 mile radius he will find me and want to date me.

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When does a woman go from being single to unmarried?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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A few days ago I posted about how I am not looking to just get married but to also fall in love. It was a post that was very personal to me and I felt good about it. Well apparently from an article I have seen bouncing around, I need to watch myself because I only have about a decade or so before I move from being single to being unmarried. Honestly, I wasn't even aware that there was a time that women went from being unmarried to single. Clearly you learn something new everyday,

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Guest post: Should a woman ask a man out?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Last week I talked about how I have invited some of my favorite bloggers to talk about dating rules. It's only fair that we let the fellas out there weigh in right? Well this week my friend Jack From Brooklyn, tells his thoughts about the age old question: should a woman ask a man out?

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Things I'm learning as I go

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Metal type spelling blog

This week has been an especially challenging one - both for me personally and amongst the people I know in bloggersphere. (I realize that I don't normally write about this sort of thing, but it's what I am feeling so I am just going to go with it). Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a really positive person. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is almost always a silver lining. Needless to say, I have learned a lot over the past week.

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Woman calls off wedding and refuses to return the ring

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young Woman Displaying Diamond Ring
The other day I stumbled on an interesting article on Powder Room Talk which talked about what you should do with the ring when calling off an engagement. The article stemmed from a news story about t a woman, named Colette Dipierro from Staten Island, who refused to return a $17,500 ring to her ex-fiance after calling off the wedding.
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It's not giving up it's just moving on

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man sitting in back of van holding cup, low section

Anyone who knows me will tell you I am a pretty impatient person, I always have been. I am the type of person who likes to get things done and I always go after what I want. It's part of what brought me to the city - I need the hustle, the noise and all it's craziness. These are things that just seem natural to me, it's who I am. Sometimes I wonder, though, if it makes me give up too easily.

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Survey Says: One in ten people wouldn't mind a text during sex

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Couple Taking Bath Together
Technology is a pretty big thing lately. As an avid Blackberry user and fan, I will admit that I love that I have access to everything anytime I want. I also have to add that I am pretty good with keeping it balanced - I put it away on dates and limit its use when I am with family. Which is why I was really surprised when a friend sent me an article about how one in ten people (under the ripe old age old 25) would not mind being interrupted by a text message during sex.
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Andrea Syrtash's He's Just Not Your Type speaking and signing on May 10th

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Andrea Syrtash is a relationship expert, dating columnist and life coach. She has been seen on VH1, NBC and is also a contributor for Oprah.com. In her new book He's Just Not Your Type (and that's a good thing), she shares her approach to finding a fantastic and healthy relationship. Here she encourages women to look beyond the idea of the man they've always thought they were supposed to marry and instead take a look at the guy they may not consider their type (something she calls a "non-type"). It's that whole idea that sometimes you find love where you least expect it, coincidentally something that I firmly believe in.

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Sometimes dating different types isn't really all that different

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Blue Man.jpg

Everyone knows by now that I am a huge advocate for dating all different types of guys. I genuinely feel that when you only date certain types of guys that you just limit yourself way too much and might miss out on something really fantastic.

Whenever a guy asks me what my type is I always answer that I don't have one because honestly I am not sure if I do. I tend to not get caught up in labels and honestly I want to focus on getting to know a person rather than worrying about what "type" he is. However, I have started to notice something lately. Even though I date a variety of guys they all seem to have one thing in common with each other - they're unavailable.

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It's Earth Day, but please do not recycle your exes

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Scene of house with tree, car, clouds and fence made out of recycled materials

Today is Earth Day and many people are doing their part to celebrate by being a little more environmentally friendly. Everyone is giving tips on things you can do to reduce your carbon footprint. Even The Queer Guy Tells It Straight gave us all some great advice on recycling the douche bags in our lives.

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You can't teach an old douche bag new tricks

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man with present standing between two women

On Sunday night, I caught the first episode of the new season of Tough Love. We've already established that I am a big fan of the show; in fact I actually want to be on it. Anyway, this season is actually tough love for couples.

While watching the show, I kept thinking to myself - are you kidding me?

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Let's be exclusive friends

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man Leaving an Apartment Building

A little while ago, I had the most interesting conversation with a guy on OKCupid. Everyone knows that interesting actually means to weird or puzzling which generally translates to blogging. So here we are.

It went a little something like this (I didn't change this conversation and I am really sorry it's so long, but as you will see I needed to include it all):

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I think it's time to define relationships

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young couple lying in bed

Relationships are tricky and generally, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Let's face it, dating will never be that cut and dry. Which is why I am a firm believer that people should define their own relationships. There are, however, certain core ideas that make up different kinds of relationships that are usually the same across the board. After many conversations with various people I have met, I have realized that many people really don't know the difference between these types of relationships

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Breaking up is hard to do, but just do it already

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Sad Woman Turning Away from Man

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was about to end things with a girl he was seeing. He said he wasn't really sure how to do it and that the whole situation was making him feel like a total ass. Which we all know really made me think and thinking leads to writing and here we are.

So, tell me something here. Why is it that guys feel like such an ass when breaking up with a woman?

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Guest post: Are you a relationship slut?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I have talked a lot this week about break-ups, which is something that I am no stranger to. Actually, I am pretty sure it's something that most people are no stranger to. After all, I am not the only one that gets dumped right? And sure I have done my share of dumping too. So how do you handle it after the break up? Do you rebound, jump into a new relationship or flee the country?

Well, let me introduce you to guest blogger Gaynor Alder, a writer from Melbourne. She works at a magazine and also has an awesome website called "The Modern Woman's Survival Guide". From her own words "think Bridget Jones meets Sex and the City", which I believe is just plain fanstastic.

Here she gives us all a little insight on how to handle things, mainly when you are faced with the idea of jumping from one relationship to the next.

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Just because he's ending it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man and Woman Talking in Cafe

Break-ups are tough. No one really likes to hear that someone they like doesn't want to date them especially when you think things have been going just fine. So why is it that when we are getting dumped that we tend to make things even harder on ourselves by picking at all of our little flaws?

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Don't worry if he cheats, he just might have a low IQ

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Cheating, so easy even a caveman could do it.

There are many theories on why men cheat. Some say it's just their nature; some say it's lack of satisfaction; some say they just cheat. And yes, I promise I know women cheat too. I found an article in the Telegraph (a publication in the UK) the other day which could throw yet another reason out there.

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Are Chicagoans really anti-romance?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Anti Love.jpg

I recently read an article in Chicago Magazine that talked about how Chicagoans aren't really romantic. According to the article, Chicagoans do not think that poetry, flowers, restaurants, snowstorms or views to be particularly romantic. It seems that things like sunsets, ice skating, or candles don't woo us all that much either.
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Guy proofing your apartment: More of the worst dating advice ever

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

A little while ago, I wrote about a little book I like to call The Cookie Cutter's Guide to getting the Cookie Cutter Guy. As a little refresher, the book is called Why Hasn't He Called?

I have found yet another thing that I was not aware I should be worried about while I've been dating - guy proofing your apartment. This book offers a good 15 pages on the subject. Who knew there was that much information? Honestly, I didn't think that guys really paid that much attention to my apartment. And I have to say I think it's pretty tacky for a guy to completely chuck me for any one of these reasons.

The funny part about all this is that they claim that your apartment should be a reflection of who you are. Kind of sounds more like it's a reflection of the woman you want him to think you are. 

I would also like to add here that the authors themselves admit that this was not the case for them (they are a married couple). In fact Matt even said that when he first went to Tamsen's place he couldn't believe what he saw - dirty clothes, no furniture and boxes of stuff everywhere. Yet none of this made him run. Later in the night he found out that there was an explanation for all of it. She was in a transitioning phase. He also admitted that if he hadn't been so into her he might have bailed.

Correct me if I am wrong here, but doesn't this kind of negate their whole theory on guy proofing your pad? Actually I am pretty sure it backs up the idea that what your apartment looks like might have nothing to do with it at all. Maybe it actually might depend on the guy's level of interest. Genius really.

Here are a few of my "favorite" rules and suggestions (and by favorite I mean laughable. I don't condone following these at all). Would any guys out there like to offer their opinion on any of these?

 

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Never trust a guy who never calls you over the weekend

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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It is my firm belief that if a guy only calls you on a Monday night that he's probably not worth your time. Now, I don't really mean Monday literally here, but more metaphorically. You know the guy that I am talking about. He calls you on Monday to see what you are doing and wants to do something that night, never making any sort of plans with you. Sometimes the calls continue through Tuesday or Wednesday but then they stop. Then all of a sudden he resurfaces as the next Monday rolls around.

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Is this a desperate man?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I had a casual e-mail conversation with a guy from Plenty of Fish and we ended up on the subject of being desperate. Actually I think it's fair to say we kind of started a debate about it because never in my life had I heard the things he was saying.

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I really appreciate that you like me

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Guy on phone.jpg

A little while ago I sort of put my feelings out there for a guy by telling him that I was interested in him. His response? "I really appreciate that." Ouch thanks douche bag really. I mean generally I am not an advocate for that whole no response thing, but clearly in this case I would have rather had that. If you can't be honest then why even bother? Why are guys such wussies when it comes to telling a woman they are just not that into her?

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My niece has given up hope I will ever get married

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Bryce and Hayley.jpg 

Kids are fantastic. I mean there is nothing like a kid's perspective on the world. They tell it like it is with brutal honesty. Plus, they rock at giving compliments to make your world a little better when you feel like it just plain sucks.
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Confident being a single lady? The Ah Ring is for you

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

If you are a woman who is confident with her status as a single lady, then you definitely need to check out the Ah Ring. Created by Ruta Fox, it is the first and only ring diamond ring created just for single women.

The Ah Ring stands for availably and happy, which is pretty clever in my opinion. It was created as a way for single women to show the world they are available and proud of it, which is of course is equally clever in my opinion.

As Ruta put it in an e-mail to me:

I figured married and engaged women had their ring, why not one for single women? It's about feeling good when you are single, and empowered, joyful and confident.

To find out more about the Ah Ring and how you can purchase one of your own, check out the website here.

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Where are all the hotties at?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Limelife.com recently put out lists on where to find all the hot single men and women in America. The information came from the U.S. Census and the 2009 Men's Fitness rankings of the top fit cities. According to the list, most of the fit and single men are in Salt Lake City, Utah while the fit and single women are in Boston, Massachusetts. Chicago seems to be in the middle with a decent blend of both fit single men and women.

Now, I have to say that I originally found this on AOL where I found the author to be a little annoying. I mean this is tragic really. If all the fit (and super attractive) people are on opposite sides of the country how in the world are they supposed to get together?

Here's the thing though. How in the world does being fit suddenly make you a hot eligible single? Even more then that, how does being fit make you automatically compatible with another person that's fit? I mean who knew that was the secret to eternal happiness really.

I don't think you can really go as far as to say that this is where all of the hot singles are. After all, I would like to think there is a little more to being hot then just being fit. There is right? Yes, I can value a guy who takes care of himself. And if a guy is the sort of person who works out seven days a week and has no body fat then kudos to him, really. To each his own is what I always say.

Clearly I understand that whole physical attraction thing and think it is definitely important. There are physical characteristics you like and some you don't. Likewise, there are people that you are attracted to and people that you aren't. However, a hot body is not the only attractive physical quality about a person. Simply having a hot body does not automatically equal attraction and I would say some people would still be likely to pass (at least on anything more then just a night).

As for relationship compatibility, I would really like to think that we are not that superficial. Now, I can understand that being fit is a lifestyle preference and obviously it's something that you want to have in common with your mate. I mean dating a couch potato when you are fit is like an environmentalist dating someone that drives a Hummer and throws trash all over the place. Yeah, definitely not compatible and there is no argument with that at all. On the other hand, can you definitely say that just because a person shares being fit with you (or any other lifestyle preference for that matter) that you are automatically compatible? I think not.

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Where is this relationship going?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Free Label.jpg

One of my fellow bloggers, Sex and the Windy City recently wrote about defining a relationship. Which of course lead me to think about it as well. We've already established that this whole dating thing can be really confusing - that's kind of a no-brainer. And let's face it, the idea of where it's going and if the two of you are on the same page can sometimes be the most confusing.

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Holiday gift guide for singles: The new (but not serious) relationship

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Dating around the holidays can be complicated, especially when it comes to presents. A few people have recently asked me how to handle that whole gift giving thing when you are in a new relationship. If you have been on more then a few dates but aren't really serious it can be a little hard to gage what is appropriate. As a general rule, gifts should fall into one of these categories: something he can eat (not in the sexual category), something he can do (preferably with you in the near future and once again in the non-sexual category) or a gift with some sort of humor (that is of course tasteful and classy).

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iphone Sleaze Detector App good for singles?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I don't "i" anything. Translation? I do not have an iPhone or iPod. It's not that I have anything personal against these super high tech devices or anything. Really, it's more that I am a faithful Verizon customer and I believe there are plenty of other neat-o gadgets that will play my music that cost a whole lot less.

 

 

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Just wanted to catch up and by the way I'm engaged

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Engaged.jpg

The other day I met up with a guy I know at Delilah's. We had a few beers and ended up swapping a few crazy dating stories. Lately, I have noticed that as I have started writing about single life more and more people have started sharing their stories with me (especially guys). This is definitely a great thing and I am by no means complaining. I enjoy listening to other people's stories and it is part of the reason I started writing in the first place. Plus, it makes for great conversation as well.

 

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Show him a little skin, it's not a sin

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

According to a recent study women who show 40 percent of their skin are more likely to attract a man. This shouldn't seem all that shocking since men are visual people who appreciate seeing a little skin on a woman. Though, I will admit that I feel like 40 percent is kind of a lot. I mean that is close to half of my body.

 

The study counted each arm for 10 percent and then each leg was 15 percent, the torso was the remaining 50 percent (apparently your head doesn't really count at all here). If you wear a dress, essentially you have your 40 percent right there. So really, I guess that doesn't seem all that bad.

 

Be careful though ladies, because apparently if you show more then your 40 percent that will actually turn a man off. Apparently when you reveal too much it makes a man suspect that you are unfaithful. Yes, that's right, too much skin makes a man think you are one cheating floozy. Talk about stereotypes. Clearly I get that if you show too much skin that you can give off a slutty vibe. However, I don't think that's really an indication that you cheat.

 

I also have to say that we live in Chicago and I am not really sure how well this whole percentage theory stacks up against the winter here. Sorry guys, but hanging my 40 percent out when it's 30 below zero is not really my idea of fun. So I think I would have to save that for a night in. Hopefully you can cut me a little slack there.

 

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Thanksgiving survival for singles

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Yes, I know it may seem a little typical of me to write anything about how to survive the Thanksgiving holiday when you are single. What is there to survive exactly? Survival, to me, is more something you do when you are stuck in some awful situation and want to get out alive. You know like if aliens are invading or a meteor is headed straight for Earth.

 

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The rules of dating

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Anyone who knows me can attest for the fact that I have somewhat of a rebellious side which means that I don't really like to play by the rules. I am not really all that into labels or stereotypes because I honestly feel that people are people and we should just be ourselves. These are things that I really love about myself but that sometimes can make my dating life a little crazy.

 

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There is no (good) excuse for standing a person up

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Stood up. Two pretty ugly words right there. I am pretty sure that's one of the worst phrases in the dating dictionary. It's kind of like dropping the f-bomb in front of your Grandma on Christmas morning. The worst part of it is that you can't really see it coming. I mean I have had it happen when I literally just talked to the man a couple of hours before to confirm plans for the date. How does that even happen? Really.

 

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Breaking up is hard to do...Especially when you are at dinner

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I was doing some channel surfing when I caught a couple minutes of The New Adventures of Old Christine. One of the characters, Richard, had apparently started dating a girl who he felt was a little crazy and he decided to end it. Moments later, the couple was sitting at dinner when he started with the whole "we need to talk" speech.

 

 

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Why are you single?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Oh the dreaded question that everyone has been asked at least once in their lifetime. If you are like me, you have been asked about your single status more times then you would actually care to count. It is likely to come up on a first date and sometimes it comes up before you even have the first date.

 

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