All The Single Ladies

Online dating messages gone bad Archives

Online dating messages gone bad: Ima stick it in ur...

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

A few weeks ago, I received what I believe is probably the tackiest message that I have ever received on a dating site. I was actually debating on if I should write about it because honestly I am not sure if I can talk about the message without being crude. And while I like being a sarcastic and maybe even a little witty on this blog, I tend to steer away from crude. That is saved for drunken Wednesday night dinners with my friends, you know where it's not written for the entire world to see (sorry mom).

At any rate, I talked with some friends just after I received the message and they all thought it was a little hilarious and quite tacky as well but I still wasn't sure. Well then, when I logged into OkCupid the other day only to see that I had received the exact same message it became clear to me that obviously I needed to write about it. I mean clearly the OkCupid Gods were telling me that I needed to, right?

Here is the exact message:

Subject line: Blank (apparently you don't really need a subject for this sort of thing).

Message: ima stick it in ur ass

I guess he kept it simple and went straight to the point, right?

Now, the first time he sent me this message I thought - how does a person respond to that sort of thing? I mean should I thank him for being so willing to stick "it" in that area of my body? Really, thanks buddy because not every guy is that into that sort of thing so I am glad that you are putting it out there just to make things clear.

I guess since he is sending me the message again he wants to make sure to get his point across. I get it, really, it's loud and clear. Though I am mildly concerned here, I mean there are no pictures of my actual ass on my OkCupid profile, so how does he really know he wants to stick it there? Not that I mean to sound like I am insulting myself or anything (I happen to think my ass isn't half bad) but how do you really know what you are getting into here?

Then, of course, the thought also occurred to me that maybe he just sends this message out to mass quantities of girls on a daily basis. But frankly that thought kind of scared me a little so I had to stop thinking about it.

Then an even worse thought came to me. What exactly is he planning on sticking there? I mean it's implied and we can all guess what "it" is. But to be technical he doesn't specifically say so I might need a little clarification here just to be sure.

I get that some guys (and girls) are just looking for that sort of thing. And let me just say, for the record, that I find nothing wrong with that at all. To each his own. By all means, really. I also appreciate brutal honesty so I guess I should thank him for that. Clearly I would not want to be out to dinner with him and have him drop a line like that just before they bring us the appetizers. I mean, talk about awkward, really. Though really, couldn't you have just simply asked me if I am cool with casual sex like everyone else?

Plus, I kind of feel like that sort of thing should be more of a question. Shouldn't it? I mean unless of course we are fooling around and you know for a fact that I am into that sort of thing. But that's not something you can really get from a person's profile on a dating site. Then again there was also a time that I didn't know a guy could pick up that I looked like a girl who was DTF (link to post) from a dating site either. So clearly I am the crazy one that is missing something here.

Trust me, I am super open minded about poor messages on dating sites. But really, I think this goes a little beyond a message that just doesn't thrill me all that much. I honestly can't see how any person can sit down to write a message and think "this will get me a date (or laid)". Clearly it got my attention but not in any good way. So even if you were looking for just a little romp, you failed buddy really.

Moral of the story? If you send me a message like this, I can think of plenty of places for you to "stick it" that aren't anywhere near me or my ass.

Gallery sneak peek (8 images):

View the gallery...
Continue reading...

Online dating messages gone bad: If I can't understand you I will not respond

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Close-up of a young man working on a laptop Horizontal

The other day, I realized it's been a little while since I have shared one of the awesome really bad messages that I receive from guys on online dating sites. Honestly, it's just been quite sometime since I have been blessed with some entertainment in my inbox. Well, clearly the internet dating gods (or whoever it is that decides these kind of things) realized this and decided to throw me a bone.

Continue reading...

I'm depressed I don't have your number

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Invitation on a Slip of Paper

I have kind of neglected my OkCupid profile lately. It wasn't something that I did intentionally, it just really sort of happened. Though, I mean I feel like that seems pretty logical since I was busy planning my trip to New York and then I was actually In New York. Plus, we all know I have bad luck when I am busy and getting ready to go out of town.

Well, I came back and like any internet dating junkie I checked my messages. There wasn't really anything exciting there but while I was "online" I received two instant messages. One was from a fairly cute 22-year-old (the jury is still out on where I will go with that one) and the other was from a guy whom I have never met and haven't talked to in weeks for a few different reasons.

Continue reading...

Guest Post: Apples to apples

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I am officially back from New York which means it's time for a new post but first I want to share a guest post from a blogger that I was recently introduced to.

Disaster on Heels has been chronicling her single life in Chicago since she broke up with her boyfriend one year ago.  When she's not adding vitamins to Lean Cuisines to enhance nutritional value, she's having disastrous encounters on Match.com and OkCupid.  Today, in honor of the one year anniversary of her online dating profile, she has decided to celebrate with All the Single Ladies.

To keep up with the daily disaster, connect with Disaster on Heels on Twitter or on Facebook.   

Continue reading...

Online dating messages gone bad: A date and free pie?

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Oh I love internet dating and all the messages that people send.

Of course that means I have one to share. Though, this time the message did not offend me nor was I completely confused about what the guy is taking about. Nevertheless, it is a fine example of an internet dating message gone really bad.

close-up of a slice of pie with ice cream and a cherry garnish
Continue reading...

Let's be exclusive friends

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man Leaving an Apartment Building

A little while ago, I had the most interesting conversation with a guy on OKCupid. Everyone knows that interesting actually means to weird or puzzling which generally translates to blogging. So here we are.

It went a little something like this (I didn't change this conversation and I am really sorry it's so long, but as you will see I needed to include it all):

Continue reading...

Online dating messages gone bad: You look like a girl who is DTF

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

dtf_large.jpg

Apparently there is a shirt that actually says it. This little shirt right here can be found at bufftees.com

Once again, I have yet another message to share from OkCupid to continue with my series Online Dating Messages Gone Bad.

This is actually a pretty short but not so very sweet message. As always I didn't change the message in anyway, just omitted any personal information. This is what was in my inbox:

Subject line: dtf

Message: you look like a girl who is dtf

Continue reading...

Online dating messages gone bad: Hi hotty, I want be with you all day and night

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Continuing with my series called Online Dating Messages Gone Bad, I thought I would share this one.

The other day I was on OkCupid checking messages when I received an instant message. For those of you that don't know, OkCupid has its own instant messaging service so you can chat with other members. This is something I actually kind of like because it makes sending a message to a total stranger a little bit easier.

Continue reading...

Online dating messages gone bad: Call or I might make other plans

user-pic
Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Thumbnail image for laptop bed.jpg

Anyone who has ever had a profile on an internet dating site knows that some people send some pretty interesting messages out there. I say the word interesting here because honestly I don't know how to even begin to describe it. Sending messages over the internet is kind of like texting after having ten or more shots of tequila. Only you don't have any friends to stop you and it's likely you may not even have to face the person reading the message at all.

Which really makes me wonder two things. Do people genuinely think these messages work? And have these messages ever worked? I mean clearly they must have at some point or people wouldn't keep doing it right? From this, I have decided it is a good idea to start a little series called Online Dating Messages Gone Bad. Of course occasionally I might throw in one of the quality messages, but for now let's just start with the bad.

 

Continue reading...

Most Active Pages Right Now

ChicagoNow.com on Facebook