A few weeks ago, I received what I believe is probably the tackiest message that I have ever received on a dating site. I was actually debating on if I should write about it because honestly I am not sure if I can talk about the message without being crude. And while I like being a sarcastic and maybe even a little witty on this blog, I tend to steer away from crude. That is saved for drunken Wednesday night dinners with my friends, you know where it's not written for the entire world to see (sorry mom).
At any rate, I talked with some friends just after I received the message and they all thought it was a little hilarious and quite tacky as well but I still wasn't sure. Well then, when I logged into OkCupid the other day only to see that I had received the exact same message it became clear to me that obviously I needed to write about it. I mean clearly the OkCupid Gods were telling me that I needed to, right?
Here is the exact message:
Subject line: Blank (apparently you don't really need a subject for this sort of thing).
Message: ima stick it in ur ass
I guess he kept it simple and went straight to the point, right?
Now, the first time he sent me this message I thought - how does a person respond to that sort of thing? I mean should I thank him for being so willing to stick "it" in that area of my body? Really, thanks buddy because not every guy is that into that sort of thing so I am glad that you are putting it out there just to make things clear.
I guess since he is sending me the message again he wants to make sure to get his point across. I get it, really, it's loud and clear. Though I am mildly concerned here, I mean there are no pictures of my actual ass on my OkCupid profile, so how does he really know he wants to stick it there? Not that I mean to sound like I am insulting myself or anything (I happen to think my ass isn't half bad) but how do you really know what you are getting into here?
Then, of course, the thought also occurred to me that maybe he just sends this message out to mass quantities of girls on a daily basis. But frankly that thought kind of scared me a little so I had to stop thinking about it.
Then an even worse thought came to me. What exactly is he planning on sticking there? I mean it's implied and we can all guess what "it" is. But to be technical he doesn't specifically say so I might need a little clarification here just to be sure.
I get that some guys (and girls) are just looking for that sort of thing. And let me just say, for the record, that I find nothing wrong with that at all. To each his own. By all means, really. I also appreciate brutal honesty so I guess I should thank him for that. Clearly I would not want to be out to dinner with him and have him drop a line like that just before they bring us the appetizers. I mean, talk about awkward, really. Though really, couldn't you have just simply asked me if I am cool with casual sex like everyone else?
Plus, I kind of feel like that sort of thing should be more of a question. Shouldn't it? I mean unless of course we are fooling around and you know for a fact that I am into that sort of thing. But that's not something you can really get from a person's profile on a dating site. Then again there was also a time that I didn't know a guy could pick up that I looked like a girl who was DTF (link to post) from a dating site either. So clearly I am the crazy one that is missing something here.
Trust me, I am super open minded about poor messages on dating sites. But really, I think this goes a little beyond a message that just doesn't thrill me all that much. I honestly can't see how any person can sit down to write a message and think "this will get me a date (or laid)". Clearly it got my attention but not in any good way. So even if you were looking for just a little romp, you failed buddy really.
Moral of the story? If you send me a message like this, I can think of plenty of places for you to "stick it" that aren't anywhere near me or my ass.