One of the most difficult parts of online dating can be planning the first meeting. Sometimes it seems like a guy might want more of a chat buddy than an actual date. And you end up chatting for weeks and weeks before meeting, if you even meet at all. Picking a spot to meet can be even more difficult.
Online dating Archives
I talk a lot about internet dating and I know I talk a lot about the bad. But the truth is that it's a great way to meet a lot of interesting people. I also do know some people that have successfully met a person they want to date long term from the internet (I promise I am telling the truth, really).
I have to confess, if I go a certain number of days without receiving a message from a guy on a dating site I feel a little rejected. It's even worse if I log in and see that guys have looked at my profile but haven't sent any messages. As a side note here, I sometimes wonder if it's some sort of cruel joke that dating sites put that feature on the site. I mean, I get the benefits of it but I kind of hate it too.
So anyway, I feel rejected. And, I really hate that I feel that way and I hate even more that I am admitting it out loud because honestly the whole thing seems really silly to me. After all, can you really even call it rejection if you didn't actually hit on the guy in the first place?
A few weeks ago, I received what I believe is probably the tackiest message that I have ever received on a dating site. I was actually debating on if I should write about it because honestly I am not sure if I can talk about the message without being crude. And while I like being a sarcastic and maybe even a little witty on this blog, I tend to steer away from crude. That is saved for drunken Wednesday night dinners with my friends, you know where it's not written for the entire world to see (sorry mom).
At any rate, I talked with some friends just after I received the message and they all thought it was a little hilarious and quite tacky as well but I still wasn't sure. Well then, when I logged into OkCupid the other day only to see that I had received the exact same message it became clear to me that obviously I needed to write about it. I mean clearly the OkCupid Gods were telling me that I needed to, right?
Here is the exact message:
Subject line: Blank (apparently you don't really need a subject for this sort of thing).
Message: ima stick it in ur ass
I guess he kept it simple and went straight to the point, right?
Now, the first time he sent me this message I thought - how does a person respond to that sort of thing? I mean should I thank him for being so willing to stick "it" in that area of my body? Really, thanks buddy because not every guy is that into that sort of thing so I am glad that you are putting it out there just to make things clear.
I guess since he is sending me the message again he wants to make sure to get his point across. I get it, really, it's loud and clear. Though I am mildly concerned here, I mean there are no pictures of my actual ass on my OkCupid profile, so how does he really know he wants to stick it there? Not that I mean to sound like I am insulting myself or anything (I happen to think my ass isn't half bad) but how do you really know what you are getting into here?
Then, of course, the thought also occurred to me that maybe he just sends this message out to mass quantities of girls on a daily basis. But frankly that thought kind of scared me a little so I had to stop thinking about it.
Then an even worse thought came to me. What exactly is he planning on sticking there? I mean it's implied and we can all guess what "it" is. But to be technical he doesn't specifically say so I might need a little clarification here just to be sure.
I get that some guys (and girls) are just looking for that sort of thing. And let me just say, for the record, that I find nothing wrong with that at all. To each his own. By all means, really. I also appreciate brutal honesty so I guess I should thank him for that. Clearly I would not want to be out to dinner with him and have him drop a line like that just before they bring us the appetizers. I mean, talk about awkward, really. Though really, couldn't you have just simply asked me if I am cool with casual sex like everyone else?
Plus, I kind of feel like that sort of thing should be more of a question. Shouldn't it? I mean unless of course we are fooling around and you know for a fact that I am into that sort of thing. But that's not something you can really get from a person's profile on a dating site. Then again there was also a time that I didn't know a guy could pick up that I looked like a girl who was DTF (link to post) from a dating site either. So clearly I am the crazy one that is missing something here.
Trust me, I am super open minded about poor messages on dating sites. But really, I think this goes a little beyond a message that just doesn't thrill me all that much. I honestly can't see how any person can sit down to write a message and think "this will get me a date (or laid)". Clearly it got my attention but not in any good way. So even if you were looking for just a little romp, you failed buddy really.
Moral of the story? If you send me a message like this, I can think of plenty of places for you to "stick it" that aren't anywhere near me or my ass.
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A little over a week ago I wrote a little advice for a reader who was curious to know if a guy was into her. Well, that same reader wrote again to ask my opinion on something else she is curious about - is online dating really worth it?
It seems as though she's had her fair share of bad dates and failed relationships with guys she has met off the internet. There was even a guy who told her that he felt there could always be someone more interesting to meet since there are so many potentials online. So even though he might meet a really awesome woman, he still feels tempted to respond when other women contact him.
It seems as though she is feeling a little beat up and wonders if there is a purpose to this whole online dating thing or if she should just give up.
I received a message today on OkCupid. I am not positive if I would consider it an online dating message gone bad because it's definitely not the worst I have ever read. However, I am not really sure how I feel about it and it raised a few interesting thoughts/questions.
Here is the exact message I received:
The other day, I realized it's been a little while since I have shared one of the
It seems like every time I am online looking through profiles on a dating site that I come across at least one guy that talks about how he doesn't play games or how he is looking for a girl that doesn't play games. This is something that I don't really understand.
First things first, some of these guys have a pretty awesome profile. I mean they talk about things they like to do and I feel like maybe this guy could be kind of interesting. But then, there it is "I am not looking for a woman who plays games" or "I am a real man. I don't play any games."
Remember the guy from this post? Well he is back again. And as much as I would love to say that he turned out the be some really awesome guy, I am pretty sure I have to report that he is still the same. He sent me an IM the other day. At first I wasn't going to respond but he threw out an I'm sorry and I figured what the hell.
Now, let me just say here, that, yes, it does take more than an I'm sorry. But at the same time, I firmly believe that sometimes people are truly sorry and I genuinely want to believe in the good in (most) people. Plus, I mean technically I don't totally know this guy so I feel like it's important to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Well, I have learned my lesson with this guy. I mean really, I have truly learned my lesson.
The anniversary for my blog was a couple of days ago which is a really exciting thing for me (don't worry I will post more about that later). So to thank all of my awesome readers I have another really fun giveaway.
FlipMe is a new and exciting way to date/meet people. In fact, when the people over at FlipMe contacted me to tell me about their service, I was extremely excited. As an avid internet dater, it's fun to mix things up a little sometime. After all, you can't put all your eggs in one basket, right?
A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet Sam Yagan, the CEO of OkCupid for breakfast. We had a pretty fantastic talk about dating, specifically online dating. Seems logical right? I mean what else would the CEO of an awesome dating site and a dating blogger talk about?
We talked a lot about OkCupid and other dating sites and he asked some of the things I like about OkCupid. Aside from the fact that I seem to find some amazing blogging fodder from the site (aka the DTF guy and the guy who offered me free pie), I also said that I like that there is an instant messaging service because I feel like you can weed out creepers without giving them personal information.
A couple of days ago I read an awesome post over on the Queer Guy Tells It Straight. The post was about text dating, in other words people who use texting as their main form of communication while dating. I honestly couldn't agree more with his post and it made me want to throw my two cents in.
A couple of nights ago, I had the opportunity to meet with the very talented blogger/writer Disaster on Heels. We had a pretty simple plan - flirt with some guys, celebrate National Singles Week, and of course enjoy the $2 beer special at the Kerryman. The night ended a little early when she realized she had lost her wallet which made her believe that she was living up to her name as a disaster (you can read more about that over on her blog).
She was more worried that she was coming across as that really bad date. You know the one where the person "forgets" their wallet so the other person has to pay. However, the bill was only a mere $20 so clearly that was not her plan. I was really just worried about her finding her wallet because I genuinely felt terrible for her. Plus, when the subject of my upcoming birthday came up she assumed I was turning 25, so I am pretty sure I would have forgiven her for anything after that.
At any rate, our quick lap around the bar to meet and mingle with some savvy single guys was pretty unsuccessful. We tried and I mean really tried but the only somewhat attractive guys were a group of three early 20 something's, one of whom was wearing a pink polo shirt. I wasn't even actually sure guys did that anymore and DOH mentioned you shouldn't do that after Labor Day. And she was a little distracted by the wallet situation. Can you blame her? That is one of my fears right there.
However, earlier in the evening, as we were about two beers in, we were chatting about the chaos (aka our internet dating lives) which obviously led to story swapping. I talked about a guy that I recently met and as I was telling the details I really started to think.
I was chatting with a guy from OkCupid the other day. We had talked for a while and agreed to meet over the weekend. He was about to get offline when he told me that he needed a time and an address for our meeting. I asked what he wanted to do and he responded that he thought he would come see me (he lives in the burbs) which I found out meant he wanted to come to my place.
I have kind of neglected my OkCupid profile lately. It wasn't something that I did intentionally, it just really sort of happened. Though, I mean I feel like that seems pretty logical since I was busy planning my trip to New York and then I was actually In New York. Plus, we all know I have bad luck when I am busy and getting ready to go out of town.
Well, I came back and like any internet dating junkie I checked my messages. There wasn't really anything exciting there but while I was "online" I received two instant messages. One was from a fairly cute 22-year-old (the jury is still out on where I will go with that one) and the other was from a guy whom I have never met and haven't talked to in weeks for a few different reasons.
I am officially back from New York which means it's time for a new post but first I want to share a guest post from a blogger that I was recently introduced to.
Disaster on Heels has been chronicling her single life in Chicago since she broke up with her boyfriend one year ago. When she's not adding vitamins to Lean Cuisines to enhance nutritional value, she's having disastrous encounters on Match.com and OkCupid. Today, in honor of the one year anniversary of her online dating profile, she has decided to celebrate with All the Single Ladies.
I came back to the city earlier this week. Actually I came back a day later than I thought because there was a little mishap with the train schedule. Needless to say I was tired, a little cranky, and was really just ready to be home. Of course Mr. Doesn't Understand That I am busy that I talked about in my previous post started in with his spiel about how he really wants to meet me and so on.
Now, before I go any further, let me make it clear that I genuinely try to make time for dating. And if I meet a guy I want to seriously date I will definitely make time for him in my life as well. But do I really feel the need to keep a few nights open just in case I get a date? Probably not.
With that said, obviously this can be a problem when I am trying to set up a first date with someone. As hard as I try, sometimes it's just not possible to set up something for a few days and in some cases it might have to even wait a week. I don't say that to come across as some kind of superficial bitch or to imply that my life is anymore important than anyone else's because I definitely don't feel that way. All I genuinely ask for is a little patience when this happens, especially when I am being upfront about it and when I would do the same thing if the situation was reversed.
I haven't really given my profile on Plenty of Fish a whole lot of attention lately. Honestly, I am not sure if I have this fantastically brilliant reason as to why that is the case, that just seems to be the way it's been happening lately.
So it seems only logical that I was a little surprised the other day when I received an e-mail alert that someone had sent me a message on there. I tend to get a little excited when someone sends me a message from an internet dating site. That's totally normal right? I guess it's just the excitement of possibilities and, I mean, let's face it, who doesn't like the idea of someone thinking they are attractive?
At any rate, I logged on to read the message and was even more surprised because I immediately recognized the guy's picture. He is someone that I met and went on a couple of dates with when I first moved to Chicago. I can't recall the specific details about our encounter, but I do remember being a little interested in him. That is, until he fell off the planet only to resurface a few months later claiming he really liked me and made a huge mistake but only to fall off the planet once again.
Earlier today I was perusing through the profiles on OkCupid and I kept noticing one thing that really annoys the crap out of me. Obviously since I am no stranger to the world of online dating this is not the first time I noticed this annoying thing. Though today I seemed to notice it more (or maybe I was just irritable today). So I thought I should give a little tip for all of the guys out there filling out a profile on an internet dating site. Lose the picture of you in the mirror holding your phone.
Will someone please tell me what the deal is with 22-year-old guys? Seriously, their approach to picking up women (mainly older women) just flat out sucks.
Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not overly fond of guys that are younger than I am (actually I am not overly fond of guys my age either). I tend to be into those that are more in the 32 to 35 age range - with an even bigger preference for those that are even older. Honestly I have no idea why this is; it's just how I have always been. Clearly I would love to say it's because I have better luck with older guys, but I am not really sure if I can say that.
Point being that there is a pretty big age difference between 22 and 32, especially in man years. So yes, I get that it's an age thing. Though, it's something that seems to be a trend which makes me wonder. And I mean, even if it is a 22-year-old is it too hard to ask for a little respect here?
Oh I love internet dating and all the messages that people send.
Of course that means I have one to share. Though, this time the message did not offend me nor was I completely confused about what the guy is taking about. Nevertheless, it is a fine example of an internet dating message gone really bad.
It went a little something like this (I didn't change this conversation and I am really sorry it's so long, but as you will see I needed to include it all):
You've heard of the typical dating sites like Match, Chemistry and OKCupid. Well, did you know that there are a ton of sites out there that are set up to connect people with other people who share a specific interest/background? And I am not just talking about religious or ethnicity here.
The other day, I stumbled upon a crazy internet dating site which made me a little curious. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I am a researcher at heart so, of course, I started looking around and found quite a few sites that I had never even heard of. Who knew there were so many?
So here you have it, 25 internet dating sites I never knew existed.
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Every week Mashable puts two similar things together for a faceoff to see which one people think is better. This week's match up is between plentyoffish.com and match.com in honor of the super romantic holiday that is approaching us.
In case you don't already know, the two sites are the biggest in online dating. Match.com being a paid site while plentyoffish.com is a free site.
So which one is better? Click here to find out more and throw your two cents in. Voting ends at 12:00 p.m. PT on Valentine's Day.
Also, let me just add that if you have checked out either of these sites, I strongly recommend it. They are both great sites to meet some interesting people (thanks Ms. Obvious. But no, really you should).
I have talked a lot about internet dating. While I am really no stranger to it (you've seen some of the bad messages and heard my stories about a few guys I have met/talked to from various dating sites), I recognize that it's new territory for a lot of people out there. Plus let's face it, no matter how experienced you are, a person can always use a few more tips right?
Samantha Karlin is the Dating Diva for an online network called Meezoog. Here she gives advice to online daters and fellow singles. She has offered to do a few guest posts to offer her expertise with online dating. This week, she's offering tips on how to write a snazzy online profile.
If you haven't heard of Meezoog you should definitely check out their website. There is also some additional information with Samantha's post.
Once again, I have yet another message to share from OkCupid to continue with my series Online Dating Messages Gone Bad.
This is actually a pretty short but not so very sweet message. As always I didn't change the message in anyway, just omitted any personal information. This is what was in my inbox:
Subject line: dtf
Message: you look like a girl who is dtf
Continuing with my series called Online Dating Messages Gone Bad, I thought I would share this one.
The other day I was on OkCupid checking messages when I received an instant message. For those of you that don't know, OkCupid has its own instant messaging service so you can chat with other members. This is something I actually kind of like because it makes sending a message to a total stranger a little bit easier.
Online dating can be a little difficult sometimes. And for some wealthy men, it just got a whole lot worse. Apparently a twenty-four-year old named Justin Brown has been posing as model Bree Condon on a dating website called SeekingMillionaire.com. Yes, you read that right. A man has been posing as a model that is a woman.
Anyone who has ever had a profile on an internet dating site knows that some people send some pretty interesting messages out there. I say the word interesting here because honestly I don't know how to even begin to describe it. Sending messages over the internet is kind of like texting after having ten or more shots of tequila. Only you don't have any friends to stop you and it's likely you may not even have to face the person reading the message at all.
Which really makes me wonder two things. Do people genuinely think these messages work? And have these messages ever worked? I mean clearly they must have at some point or people wouldn't keep doing it right? From this, I have decided it is a good idea to start a little series called Online Dating Messages Gone Bad. Of course occasionally I might throw in one of the quality messages, but for now let's just start with the bad.
I had a casual e-mail conversation with a guy from Plenty of Fish and we ended up on the subject of being desperate. Actually I think it's fair to say we kind of started a debate about it because never in my life had I heard the things he was saying.
As I have said before, I am a woman who gives credit where credit is due. In light of some recent events, I sort of feel like I should tweak my thoughts on the guy from Facebook. Though, I can't really completely retract my opinion on the entire situation as a whole here. Frankly, what happened sucks and there is no denying that. However, I do also know that doesn't necessarily mean the person sucks, people do make mistakes sometimes right?
Last night, I had a phone conversation with a man that I had been chatting with on OKCupid. I have to say that I was slightly amused by the conversation, though I don't think it was the kind of amusement that most people are looking for to make a good first impression. Coincidentally, this is why I recommend a phone conversation or two before you actually meet in person.
Everyone has had a bad date; actually most of us have probably had more then one bad date. We are not just talking about the slightly unattractive date with the funky breath here. No, what I am talking about is the date where the thought of just sitting through a dinner with them makes you want to throw up a little. The total creep package - rude, obnoxious, not attractive, offensive personality, completely mannerless - you get the idea. These are the type of dates that caused the invention of the casual let's go have a drink predate so you can make sure you actually want to sit through dinner with the person.
If you have been on your share of dates like this, it's likely that you have a back up plan to get out of it. I am definitely a believer in the back up plan; it's a necessity ladies (and gentlemen). Of course I will openly admit that I have been a part of plans like this in all my years of dating.
Most people tend to go with a call from a friend. Slightly generic I will admit, but its fool proof. It may be a little harsh to plan your escape before you have actually met the date, but let's face it; there is no politically correct way to get out of this sort of thing. It's awkward and annoying no matter how you look at it.
I found this video on YouTube. The guy is a prime example of the date that deserves the back up plan. So take a look at it, have a laugh and hope you don't have to deal with this on your next date.