All The Single Ladies

Love Archives

Valentine's Day Schmalentine's Day

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have to be totally honest here - I am really not a fan of Valentine's Day. There's actually quite a few reasons really. And, no, none of them have anything to do with the fact that I am single because when I have been in relationships around the holiday I have felt the exact same way. 

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Dating advice I don't understand: Signs to tell he thinks you're the one

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I read a lot of stuff on the internet. Some of it is really awesome and some of it I don't really understand. I mean, I comprehend what it is saying but it just baffles me. Yesterday a friend sent me an article called "5 Signs He Thinks You're The One" which I believe was published earlier this month in Cosmo. This would be a perfect example of an article that baffles me. And I know I am a little late to the game on this, but I really felt like I wanted to share my two cents.

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Chemistry is not the only thing that is important in a relationship

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have mentioned a few times about how important chemistry is to me. Honestly, it's just something that I need in a relationship. And maybe it's a made up idea or something you use as an excuse when you just aren't that into a guy, but for me it is truly important.

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I don't want a guy who needs to be fixed

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I was chatting with a friend today about dating. He's a friend from Indiana who tends to get annoyed with the whole internet dating thing (hey, don't we all?) so a lot of times that's where our conversations lead.

Sometimes he feels frustrated when he sends a message to a woman and she doesn't respond. Forgive me here because I am paraphrasing since I don't remember the exact way he phrased it but apparently another friend once told him that maybe he's a little too put together. You know, it kind of goes with that idea that women want a man that they can change or fix.

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The BreakUP Club

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Break ups suck. I honestly tried to think of a really clever and creative way to word that, but let's face it there isn't one. Even if you see it coming. Even if you are the person who is ending the relationship. Even if you know there is not a shot at the relationship working. It doesn't matter, a break up is no fun at all.

That's why I am really excited to share a new project that Tristan Coopersmith (one of my favorite relationship coaches) is starting. The project is called the BreakUP Club and the idea is to turn a break up into something positive. It's a place where women can come together to get over a crappy break up in a very positive way.

Anyone who knows me can attest that I am far too positive for my own good so I am definitely a fan of this. Actually I am a little jealous I didn't think of it myself.

The BreakUP Club is offering a free workshop if you are in Los Angeles. Here are the details:

BreakUP Club Introductory Event
October 12, 2010
7:00pm-8:30pm
Blank Spaces
5405 Wilshire Blvd (b/w La Brea Blvd & Hauser Blvd)
Los Angeles, CA 90036

A relationship should be 50/50

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships. I am not sure exactly what I said, but something made him mention that he felt the man should be the dominant one in the relationship. This kind of caught me off guard and I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or cute and clever. Turns out that is the way that he genuinely feels and I am not really sure why but that just seems a little strange to me.
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A relationship should be 50/50

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

close up side view of young man and young woman sharing drink
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about relationships. I am not sure exactly what I said, but something made him mention that he felt the man should be the dominant one in the relationship. This kind of caught me off guard and I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or cute and clever. Turns out that is the way that he genuinely feels and I am not really sure why but that just seems a little strange to me.
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Does it even matter if there is someone out there for everyone?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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"Dear God, please bring me a boyfriend this year"

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my frustrations with dating. It's been quite a run with me and this whole dating thing. Frankly I just get a little annoyed when everything seems to end up the exact same way. And while it's something I know I could never give up on (it's just not me to really give up on much of anything), I still have to say that sometimes I wonder if it's really getting me anywhere.

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You're happy, so why cheat?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Cheating happens. Not that I am trying to say that I condone it or excuse it but the fact of the matter is that is happens. One thing that I really don't understand about cheating is why people do it. Actually, correction I do not understand why people do it and then go on and on about how much they love their significant other (and how happy the person makes them).

First things first, let's clear up the things that I understand.

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I'm independent but that doesn't mean I can't be (a little) dependent

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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On more than one occasion I have had guys mention how there are certain characteristics they feel might keep me single. Then a few weeks ago at one of the ChicagoNow tweet ups, a friend asked me if I felt I had any habits or characteristics that I thought attributed to the fact that I am single.

There are things about me that I know certain guys don't like. I don't say that to make me sound bad or to imply I am a bad person. Honestly, I don't think that I am supposed to be liked by everyone and I certainly don't think that everyone has to want to date me. At the end of the day I just believe that people are who they are (though I am definitely not saying no one can change ever).

However, I know there is one thing that can be problematic at times. I want to avoid sounding completely cliché here, but the fact is that I am a very independent woman and tends to be a problem in the dating world. Though sometimes I feel it's because it often leads to so many incorrect assumptions.

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When the ex comes back around, part 3

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I last left off (once again) with my story about Mr. BST. This time I left in the midst of our text conversation where he had asked how I would feel if he came to Chicago to see me and things were physical. And by physical I mean sex or at least a whole lot of sexually related things.

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When the ex comes back around, part 2

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young Man with Cell Phone

When I last left off I confessed that I responded to Mr. BST's text. I kind of feel that before I can really go into my response and all of the events over the past few days that I need to explain exactly what happened when I first met Mr. BST. That is, the important parts anyway (it's kind of a long story). It's pretty important to understand my frustration with this whole situation and why I feel it is necessary to shut him out of my life.

As I said before I met Mr. BST seven or eight years ago. We met and dated for a few weeks until one day he told me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but wanted to be friends (lamest excuse in the book, I know).

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When the ex comes back around, Part 1

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man outside window

A couple of nights ago, I was enjoying a few moments of couch time when I received a text. I looked at my phone to see who it was from and I was a little shocked. The text read "hey what's up it's Mr. BST." It took a few minutes to actually sink in and, honestly, I'm not sure if I can pinpoint what I felt at that very moment. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Curiosity. Far too many emotions.

Mr. BST was my first love. I guess you could call him my ex though I have to use that term pretty loosely here because I'm not really sure what he is or ever was. But the important thing to know here is that somewhere in whatever we were (or weren't) doing we fell in love. Utterly, madly, hopelessly in love.

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