All The Single Ladies

Life in general Archives

Dating shouldn't be segregated

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Yesterday I received a less than flattering comment through the contact form on my personal website. And while I am not a fan of those comments because they are a total blow to the ego that is not technically what this post is about but it's important to mention because it made me think and it's largely what has inspired this post.

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I won't give up on dating

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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This guy looks like he's done dating

Throughout my life, many people have told me that I am a very positive person. I can find something positive in almost any situation in life. And yes, I will openly admit that sometimes it's a little annoying, maybe even a little sickening but it's just the way I have always been.

Honestly, I have no idea where it comes from. Trust me, my life hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. I have had my share of heartache, troubles, and what have you (we all have). It's just somehow I see the other side I guess. I see how things could be worse or how things will get better. No matter what happens, I see something that makes it seem like it's not the end of the world. Granted sometimes it takes me a couple of days (or years), but nevertheless I still see it.

I was reminded of this positive attitude in a conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about dating and all of the annoying and frustrating things we have had happen to us during our million years of dating. He is tired of all the bad things that happen and all the excitement over dates/relationships that fail in the end. So his answer is to just give up. He wants to just stop dating. And he asked if I had ever thought the same thing.

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I am dateless on New Year's Eve and I am totally okay with that

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Woman at New Year's Eve party

So New Year's Eve is almost here - I've heard it's tomorrow, right? And I realized at some point this week that I won't have a date. I also realized that it didn't really bother me at all (read that as I realized that I don't really care).

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Does your boyfriend have to be friends with your friends?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Group of people relaxing around sofa, holding drinks and laughing

I've always been the girl who wanted a boyfriend who was friends with my friends. And I don't mean they play nice together when we are hanging out. No, I mean actual friends. You know the kind of friends who actually know things about one another. Maybe even hang out together when I am not around.

Call me totally crazy, but that is how I felt. My friends are important to me, always have been and always will be. In fact, I even consider my really close friends to be part of my family. So I guess it just seemed normal to want a guy to be a part of that. I can openly admit that I have had second thoughts about a guy who I thought might not "fit in" with my circle of friends.

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Chemistry is not the only thing that is important in a relationship

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have mentioned a few times about how important chemistry is to me. Honestly, it's just something that I need in a relationship. And maybe it's a made up idea or something you use as an excuse when you just aren't that into a guy, but for me it is truly important.

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I am featured on Cupid's Pulse

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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It's no big secret that I recently turned 30. It's also no big secret that I felt pretty okay with being single on my birthday. In fact, I even wrote a whole list of reasons about why it's great to be single on your birthday. A lot of things have happened over the past few weeks and it has caused me to really think about a lot of things. Actually, for some reason, I thought about when I was 20 and how I saw my life at 30 then.

So, when the awesome folks over at Cupid's Pulse asked me to write a guest post about turning 30 and being single, I was completely thrilled (and highly flattered). Head on over there and check out my thoughts from a single 30-year-old.

Ten reasons to be glad you are single on your birthday

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Today is my birthday. If you know me in any way outside of this blog you already know that because a) I talk about it non-stop on Twitter and b) you were invited to the fantastic party that my best friend, @chicagodaniel is having for me.

Young woman blowing out candles on cake

This birthday is kind of a big one and not just because I am turning 30 but because of the things that this birthday really means to me. I will talk more about that later but for the record, I do not think 30 is old in any way shape or form. In fact, there is not even a single part of me that is afraid to turn 30.

Anyway, when I met Mr. Google a while back I was very excited about him. He talked about coming to visit me and I told him he should save it for my birthday because I would need a date. Well, obviously I figured out some time ago that he was not going to be my date (thought we are actually friends now), but for a while there I still thought I would kind of like a date for my birthday. Truth be told (and I feel a little embarrassed here) but I really can't remember a time that I haven't been single on my birthday.

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First impressions are exhausting

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

My niece and nephew came for a little visit this past weekend. We planned to go to the Museum of Science and Industry and the Lincoln Park Zoo. As we were getting ready to go on Saturday, my niece picked out what she wanted to wear. She chose a pair of black leggings with a pink and black striped sweater dress mainly because I was wearing black leggings and a black dress and she loves to wear outfits that match what I am wearing. She also decided that she wanted to wear the socks that I bought her when I was in NYC.
 
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Does it even matter if there is someone out there for everyone?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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"Dear God, please bring me a boyfriend this year"

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about my frustrations with dating. It's been quite a run with me and this whole dating thing. Frankly I just get a little annoyed when everything seems to end up the exact same way. And while it's something I know I could never give up on (it's just not me to really give up on much of anything), I still have to say that sometimes I wonder if it's really getting me anywhere.

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All The Single Ladies is invading New York City

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I know I have slacked a little lately on this whole blogging thing but this has been one crazy (but very great) summer. The sad part is that I will be signing off, but only for a week because I am taking a trip. That's right folks, All The Single Ladies (or I guess technically the author of All The Single Ladies) is invading New York City.

I cannot even begin to describe how excited I am about this trip. And that's not just because it's been far too long since I have taken a trip or because it's New York City. Wait, who am I kidding? I am stoked for those reasons but also because I am getting the chance to meet a lot of truly fantastic people there and see a few friends I haven't seen in a while.

I will be back next weekend with a fun new post. I might have a few tales of my adventures while I was away to share and I will even have a really fantastic guest post. In the meantime, check out a few pictures from the last trip I took there. And wish me luck.

Gallery sneak peek (9 images):

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It's called having sexual confidence

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Fishnet stockings

The other day, I was talking to a friend that I have known for a while. He doesn't live in Chicago so really we mostly trade e-mails back and forth. Occasionally his e-mails involve something to do with my blog since he reads it fairly regularly.

Anyway, we were discussing how some guys choose to approach me when they are "hitting" on me. He advised that I should be aware of my confidence and sexual aura (actually he flat out said to be careful how I use it). And also talked about how I blog about sex so maybe some guys get a certain idea about me.

I am not so sure how I feel about that. Actually, I entertained his ideas for a few moments and then thought to myself are you kidding me?

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I'm independent but that doesn't mean I can't be (a little) dependent

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young man helping a Young woman with a can opener

On more than one occasion I have had guys mention how there are certain characteristics they feel might keep me single. Then a few weeks ago at one of the ChicagoNow tweet ups, a friend asked me if I felt I had any habits or characteristics that I thought attributed to the fact that I am single.

There are things about me that I know certain guys don't like. I don't say that to make me sound bad or to imply I am a bad person. Honestly, I don't think that I am supposed to be liked by everyone and I certainly don't think that everyone has to want to date me. At the end of the day I just believe that people are who they are (though I am definitely not saying no one can change ever).

However, I know there is one thing that can be problematic at times. I want to avoid sounding completely cliché here, but the fact is that I am a very independent woman and tends to be a problem in the dating world. Though sometimes I feel it's because it often leads to so many incorrect assumptions.

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When the ex comes back around, Part 1

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man outside window

A couple of nights ago, I was enjoying a few moments of couch time when I received a text. I looked at my phone to see who it was from and I was a little shocked. The text read "hey what's up it's Mr. BST." It took a few minutes to actually sink in and, honestly, I'm not sure if I can pinpoint what I felt at that very moment. Anger. Frustration. Sadness. Curiosity. Far too many emotions.

Mr. BST was my first love. I guess you could call him my ex though I have to use that term pretty loosely here because I'm not really sure what he is or ever was. But the important thing to know here is that somewhere in whatever we were (or weren't) doing we fell in love. Utterly, madly, hopelessly in love.

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Why can't we be friends?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Friendship Day with children and dog  

A thought occurred to me the other day - why do I seem to find so many guys that are opposed to being friends? I have had many conversations with guys, both from internet dating sites and just in general, and more often than not I hear things like "I'm not looking to make friends" or "I have enough friends already."

I'm not really even sure if I understand the phrase - I have enough friends. How is that really even possible? Are you really so popular that you have no room left in your life for another friend? I mean, you really can't even entertain the idea at all?

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So why be in a relationship if you're happy being single?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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The other day I was having that whole "get to know you" conversation with a new guy. We chatted about various things and the subject of writing came up which of course led to the topic of this blog. Then, somehow, I was faced with the question about why I would want a relationship when I was content with my status as a single woman.

Essentially I guess the guy was not expecting to find out I write about dating and single life. Then of course he felt I wasn't a woman who would really be interested in a relationship since that could alter the subject of my blog. I told him that I am definitely open in having a relationship and I will handle things as they come. This seemed to settle him but then he listened to me on the radio. Apparently something I said made it very obvious to him that I was happy being single and it made him wonder why I would want to change anything if I was happy.

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Dating lessons: Chicago is too small and I attract crazies

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Funny Facial Expression

For some reason, over the past few weeks, Fridays have seemed to be my day of reflection. I am not really sure why that is but I will go with it. This week I have learned two things. First, Chicago might be a rather big city but it's much smaller than you think. Second, if there is a crazy guy within a 50 mile radius he will find me and want to date me.

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When does a woman go from being single to unmarried?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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A few days ago I posted about how I am not looking to just get married but to also fall in love. It was a post that was very personal to me and I felt good about it. Well apparently from an article I have seen bouncing around, I need to watch myself because I only have about a decade or so before I move from being single to being unmarried. Honestly, I wasn't even aware that there was a time that women went from being unmarried to single. Clearly you learn something new everyday,

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Things I'm learning as I go

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Metal type spelling blog

This week has been an especially challenging one - both for me personally and amongst the people I know in bloggersphere. (I realize that I don't normally write about this sort of thing, but it's what I am feeling so I am just going to go with it). Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a really positive person. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is almost always a silver lining. Needless to say, I have learned a lot over the past week.

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