All The Single Ladies

Dating rules Archives

Guest Post: A little something about decorum

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Today I have an awesome guest post from my dear friend Dave Sorrell, also known as @rookiephenom on Twitter. I really love guest posts from guys because sometimes (or always) it's nice to get a little perspective from them. Now, we all know that I don't think there every guy feels the exact same way about things, but still it's nice to get their perspective.  Anyway, here he is talking about a little something called decorum.

 

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A date shouldn't be treated like a job interview

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Businessman in Meeting

A couple of days ago a reader left an awesome comment on my blog which really made me think. The comment mentioned how a lot of women treat a first date like a job interview which is something that I feel is true. It's something that I will openly admit that I have been guilty of in the past.

Honestly, I wish we could get past this idea that you have to be completely perfect on a date. When I first moved to Chicago, I spent a lot of time dating like that. I have to tell you it honestly wasn't any fun. I mean, one time when I met a guy for drinks the first thing that flew out of my mouth was a comment about how I sweat when I am nervous. Clearly that's not hot in anyway but I also don't think that sort of thing is really that big of a deal. And I am pretty sure that I don't want to date a guy that worries about something silly like that.

I used to beat myself up about things like. And as I was getting ready to meet a new guy I would always go through the list of things that I did wrong on my previous dates. It was exhausting.

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I'm bored so do you want to go out?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Bored man waiting at table in restaurant

We've established that some guys need to learn what a date really is (and also a better place to meet women off the internet). Well, I kind of feel like we need to go into this whole asking a girl out on a date thing. I am just going to get straight to the point here, the words "I'm bored" should never be followed by "would you like to meet" (or any other derivative of that).

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Guest post: So...do you want my phone number or what?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

It's time for another guy to guest blog on dating rules. This time we have a post from Dennis Frymire about that whole "you have to wait three days to call a girl" rule.

Woman offering piece of paper with her phone number
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Guest post: The one night stand

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

The past couple of weeks I have had some of my favorite male bloggers talk about dating rules. Well this week Matt is throwing a different spin into the mix with some talk about the one night stand. Matt is the editor of LoveintheDumps.com, a dating/relationship comedy collective, and the upcoming Impersonals, a dating site parody.

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Guest post: Should a woman ask a man out?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Last week I talked about how I have invited some of my favorite bloggers to talk about dating rules. It's only fair that we let the fellas out there weigh in right? Well this week my friend Jack From Brooklyn, tells his thoughts about the age old question: should a woman ask a man out?

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Guest post: Don't be too available dammit

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Since I have such a fun time talking about all the dating rules (and how much I think most of them are crap), I feel kind of like I need a guy's point of view. So I've asked some of my most favorite guy bloggers to tell me what they think about some of them and over the next few weeks I will be posting their thoughts. First up is Alex from the Urban Dater (a very awesome website about dating and relationships) who talks about being too available, or as he's titled it "Don't Be Too Available Dammit!".

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Standards vs. rules in dating

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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My friends sometimes think I am too open-minded; I often think they are crazy. I have always been a person who doesn't like to play by the rules, just ask my mother and my sister. It seems so easy to miss out on life when you are so busy worrying about the list of things you should be doing. Though, I have been noticing lately that this can be a problem with it comes to dating. And it's important to remember there is a huge difference between standards and rules.

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Sometimes it's not a deal breaker, it's just down right picky

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

View of a young man picking out shirts from his wardrobe
The other day I was sitting on the bus on my way home from work and there was a girl next to me reading a magazine. I have no idea what magazine it was but there was a section about deal breakers in dating for women.
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Let's be exclusive friends

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man Leaving an Apartment Building

A little while ago, I had the most interesting conversation with a guy on OKCupid. Everyone knows that interesting actually means to weird or puzzling which generally translates to blogging. So here we are.

It went a little something like this (I didn't change this conversation and I am really sorry it's so long, but as you will see I needed to include it all):

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I think it's time to define relationships

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young couple lying in bed

Relationships are tricky and generally, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Let's face it, dating will never be that cut and dry. Which is why I am a firm believer that people should define their own relationships. There are, however, certain core ideas that make up different kinds of relationships that are usually the same across the board. After many conversations with various people I have met, I have realized that many people really don't know the difference between these types of relationships

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Breaking up is hard to do, but just do it already

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Sad Woman Turning Away from Man

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was about to end things with a girl he was seeing. He said he wasn't really sure how to do it and that the whole situation was making him feel like a total ass. Which we all know really made me think and thinking leads to writing and here we are.

So, tell me something here. Why is it that guys feel like such an ass when breaking up with a woman?

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Please do not check out other women on a date

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Anyone that knows me really well can tell you that there are certain things about my life that I am super anal about. For instance, I fold my towels all the same way and they are organized on the shelf by color. It's my system, always has been, and I don't like it when people mess with my system. When it comes to dating, however, I tend to be pretty laid back and open minded.

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Dating is a privilege not a right (part 2): You are not a princess

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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The other day, I read an awesome post from Single City Guy called Women Aren't Entitled to Anything which really made me think about how there are some women that feel they are entitled to certain behavior from men. You know, the whole idea that men should pay for everything, buy them gifts all the time, and generally worship the ground they walk on. I like to call this the princess behavior.
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Dating is a privilege not a right (part 1)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Let me start by saying that I am talking about both women and men here. You can call it my little disclaimer if you will, but I really feel this is a principle that applies to both sexes. Not that I am perfect (trust me I will be the first to name all my flaws if you ask me), but I personally feel pretty special when a guy I like wants to date me. So in return I like to try to show that as best I can.

When you first meet someone, they are generally pretty sweet and try to impress you, which generally continues at least through the first few dates. Sometimes, however, this nice thing stops and is replaced with the person's unwillingness to admit they like you. This generally happens because the person gets comfortable with the idea that you like them which then develops a cocky attitude. You know the whole idea that you like them so they can do no wrong.

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If he doesn't want to ask you out, try making him jealous (Really?)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have started reading a new dating book called Date Like A Man by Myreah Moore and Jodie Gould. So far the book hasn't been that bad but then again, I am only 40 pages in. The main idea about the book is just what the title suggests, telling women how to "date like men." Basically the theory is that since men have so much fun dating (and aren't dead set on finding a partner for marriage) that women should date this way too.

 

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Who cares who asks who out on a date

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Dating is already confusing enough and this whole idea of who should ask who out honestly just makes it worse. I continually read about it in every dating book that I pick up. The consensus essentially is that if you are a woman, you should never ask a guy out. Sure, you can hint around to it and try to convince a guy to ask you out. However, you should never actually ask him out.

This is a concept that I honestly don't understand. I mean did I miss something here, it is 2010 right? With everything else that is evolving in the world, why hasn't this?

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Don't act like you don't care about sex on the first date

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Sex on the first date. This really isn't breaking news here. I mean, there is really nothing new about this dilemma. While obviously I don't know for sure, I am pretty sure it's been around since the whole concept of dating was invented.

Every dating book that I have ever read that talks about sex on the first date says it's a bad idea. Many guys I have talked to/dated say it's a bad idea. I would say it seems as though the consensus is that it's a bad idea.

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Have you ever double booked?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Lately, I have heard a lot about double booking dates. The subject came up on a few shows and movies that I have watched lately. Then the other day I saw a couple of posts about it on Twitter.

If you don't know what double booking means, essentially it's having two dates back to back in one day. Now, I have to say that I personally have never double booked. Though I can't say it's because I think it's wrong, it's just simply because I have never found myself in that situation. Generally if a guy asks me out and I already have a date I tell him that I am busy and try to plan something for another day.

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Guy proofing your apartment: More of the worst dating advice ever

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

A little while ago, I wrote about a little book I like to call The Cookie Cutter's Guide to getting the Cookie Cutter Guy. As a little refresher, the book is called Why Hasn't He Called?

I have found yet another thing that I was not aware I should be worried about while I've been dating - guy proofing your apartment. This book offers a good 15 pages on the subject. Who knew there was that much information? Honestly, I didn't think that guys really paid that much attention to my apartment. And I have to say I think it's pretty tacky for a guy to completely chuck me for any one of these reasons.

The funny part about all this is that they claim that your apartment should be a reflection of who you are. Kind of sounds more like it's a reflection of the woman you want him to think you are. 

I would also like to add here that the authors themselves admit that this was not the case for them (they are a married couple). In fact Matt even said that when he first went to Tamsen's place he couldn't believe what he saw - dirty clothes, no furniture and boxes of stuff everywhere. Yet none of this made him run. Later in the night he found out that there was an explanation for all of it. She was in a transitioning phase. He also admitted that if he hadn't been so into her he might have bailed.

Correct me if I am wrong here, but doesn't this kind of negate their whole theory on guy proofing your pad? Actually I am pretty sure it backs up the idea that what your apartment looks like might have nothing to do with it at all. Maybe it actually might depend on the guy's level of interest. Genius really.

Here are a few of my "favorite" rules and suggestions (and by favorite I mean laughable. I don't condone following these at all). Would any guys out there like to offer their opinion on any of these?

 

Gallery sneak peek (8 images):

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Should I keep seeing him?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I received an email the other day from a woman I know who is having a little dilemma with a guy she's recently started seeing. Here is the gist:

She met a guy through mutual friends and they immediately hit it off. A few days later they met for a quick drink and then that weekend they had their first "formal" date. Though he ended the date with a kiss she seems a little thrown by him. First, he asked her out via text, which is a huge no no in her book. Second, he didn't offer to pay for any of the date at all. Essentially she isn't sure if she should keep seeing him or not.

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Drinking on the first date (when your date isn't drinking)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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When I wrote for examiner.com, one of my dating don'ts involved the subject of who should pay on a date. More specifically how you shouldn't be rude about paying for a date. Let's face it first date etiquette can be a little tricky especially when it comes to who should pay. It's an age old question and honestly I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer, it's just something you have to deal with.

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I want to be on Tough Love

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I know, I know. Another trashy television show. Really though, this one is extremely entertaining (aside from the trashy stuff). And honestly, I kind of think people can actually learn a couple of things about dating from it.

If you don't know the idea behind the show. Steve Ward, a professional matchmaker, takes relationship challenged women and makes them into A+ daters. There's the woman that's obsessed with getting married, the gold digger and the woman with the body issues just to name a few. Steve pairs them up with dates and gives them the do's and don't of dating along the way. Of course he throws a few curve balls at them here and there, it is television after all.

Now, I must say that I don't really perceive myself as "relationship challenged." Though I mean I am almost 30 and still single so a little advice doesn't ever hurt right? Honestly, I really just want to hear what Steve has to say about me and my dating style. And, he seems to be pretty good at fixing these women up with some pretty great guys. Great dates definitely never hurt either.

I like Steve, I even think maybe we could be friends. Plus he's one matchmaker guy that I actually agree with most of the time. Of course I am also a little curious about how many times he would make me cry and how many times I would end up in the hot seat. For those of you that don't watch the show, the "hot seat" is for the woman who has done the worst for that day's events.

So who will nominate me? And Steve, if you are reading please pick me for the next season of Tough Love.

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How to end the first date: The worst advice ever

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Dating books are a lot of fun. Generally I like to read them out of curiosity, I always wonder what other people have to say about dating and being single. Plus a little advice never hurts a girl right? Lately I have been reading this book called Why Hasn't He Called. Actually, I would like to call it The Cookie Cutter's Guide to Getting the Cookie Cutter Guy since I feel like that title is far more fitting for the book.

As a side note here, I feel like I should sort of defend the corny title here. Actually, I read the reviews on Amazon.com and that is what hooked me. Honestly, I couldn't believe that a book would actually recommend some of the things the reviews said so I had to see to myself. I am almost done with the book and I have to say the reviews didn't disappoint me. They weren't lying at all. This book gives some of the most absurd advice that I have ever heard.

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The rules of dating

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Anyone who knows me can attest for the fact that I have somewhat of a rebellious side which means that I don't really like to play by the rules. I am not really all that into labels or stereotypes because I honestly feel that people are people and we should just be ourselves. These are things that I really love about myself but that sometimes can make my dating life a little crazy.

 

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