Today I have an awesome guest post from my dear friend Dave Sorrell, also known as @rookiephenom on Twitter. I really love guest posts from guys because sometimes (or always) it's nice to get a little perspective from them. Now, we all know that I don't think there every guy feels the exact same way about things, but still it's nice to get their perspective. Anyway, here he is talking about a little something called decorum.
A couple of days ago a reader left an awesome comment on my blog which really made me think. The comment mentioned how a lot of women treat a first date like a job interview which is something that I feel is true. It's something that I will openly admit that I have been guilty of in the past.
Honestly, I wish we could get past this idea that you have to be completely perfect on a date. When I first moved to Chicago, I spent a lot of time dating like that. I have to tell you it honestly wasn't any fun. I mean, one time when I met a guy for drinks the first thing that flew out of my mouth was a comment about how I sweat when I am nervous. Clearly that's not hot in anyway but I also don't think that sort of thing is really that big of a deal. And I am pretty sure that I don't want to date a guy that worries about something silly like that.
I used to beat myself up about things like. And as I was getting ready to meet a new guy I would always go through the list of things that I did wrong on my previous dates. It was exhausting.
It's time for another guy to guest blog on dating rules. This time we have a post from Dennis Frymire about that whole "you have to wait three days to call a girl" rule.
Last week I talked about how I have invited some of my favorite bloggers to talk about dating rules. It's only fair that we let the fellas out there weigh in right? Well this week my friend Jack From Brooklyn, tells his thoughts about the age old question: should a woman ask a man out?
My friends sometimes think I am too open-minded; I often think they are crazy. I have always been a person who doesn't like to play by the rules, just ask my mother and my sister. It seems so easy to miss out on life when you are so busy worrying about the list of things you should be doing. Though, I have been noticing lately that this can be a problem with it comes to dating. And it's important to remember there is a huge difference between standards and rules.
The other day I was sitting on the bus on my way home from work and there was a girl next to me reading a magazine. I have no idea what magazine it was but there was a section about deal breakers in dating for women.
A little while ago, I had the most interesting conversation with a guy on OKCupid. Everyone knows that interesting actually means to weird or puzzling which generally translates to blogging. So here we are.
It went a little something like this (I didn't change this conversation and I am really sorry it's so long, but as you will see I needed to include it all):
Relationships are tricky and generally, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Let's face it, dating will never be that cut and dry. Which is why I am a firm believer that people should define their own relationships. There are, however, certain core ideas that make up different kinds of relationships that are usually the same across the board. After many conversations with various people I have met, I have realized that many people really don't know the difference between these types of relationships
I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was about to end things with a girl he was seeing. He said he wasn't really sure how to do it and that the whole situation was making him feel like a total ass. Which we all know really made me think and thinking leads to writing and here we are.
So, tell me something here. Why is it that guys feel like such an ass when breaking up with a woman?
Anyone that knows me really well can tell you that there are certain things about my life that I am super anal about. For instance, I fold my towels all the same way and they are organized on the shelf by color. It's my system, always has been, and I don't like it when people mess with my system. When it comes to dating, however, I tend to be pretty laid back and open minded
Let me start by saying that I am talking about both women and men here. You can call it my little disclaimer if you will, but I really feel this is a principle that applies to both sexes. Not that I am perfect (trust me I will be the first to name all my flaws if you ask me), but I personally feel pretty special when a guy I like wants to date me. So in return I like to try to show that as best I can.
When you first meet someone, they are generally pretty sweet and try to impress you, which generally continues at least through the first few dates. Sometimes, however, this nice thing stops and is replaced with the person's unwillingness to admit they like you. This generally happens because the person gets comfortable with the idea that you like them which then develops a cocky attitude. You know the whole idea that you like them so they can do no wrong.
I received an email the other day from a woman I know who is having a little dilemma with a guy she's recently started seeing. Here is the gist:
She met a guy through mutual friends and they immediately hit it off. A few days later they met for a quick drink and then that weekend they had their first "formal" date. Though he ended the date with a kiss she seems a little thrown by him. First, he asked her out via text, which is a huge no no in her book. Second, he didn't offer to pay for any of the date at all. Essentially she isn't sure if she should keep seeing him or not.
When I wrote for examiner.com, one of my dating don'ts involved the subject of who should pay on a date. More specifically how you shouldn't be rude
about paying for a date. Let's face it first date etiquette can be a little tricky especially when it comes to who should pay. It's an age old question and honestly I am not sure if there is a right or wrong answer, it's just something you have to deal with.
I know, I know. Another trashy television show. Really though, this one is extremely entertaining (aside from the trashy stuff). And honestly, I kind of think people can actually learn a couple of things about dating from it.
If you don't know the idea behind the show. Steve Ward, a professional matchmaker, takes relationship challenged women and makes them into A+ daters. There's the woman that's obsessed with getting married, the gold digger and the woman with the body issues just to name a few. Steve pairs them up with dates and gives them the do's and don't of dating along the way. Of course he throws a few curve balls at them here and there, it is television after all.
Now, I must say that I don't really perceive myself as "relationship challenged." Though I mean I am almost 30 and still single so a little advice doesn't ever hurt right? Honestly, I really just want to hear what Steve has to say about me and my dating style. And, he seems to be pretty good at fixing these women up with some pretty great guys. Great dates definitely never hurt either.
I like Steve, I even think maybe we could be friends. Plus he's one matchmaker guy that I actually agree with most of the time. Of course I am also a little curious about how many times he would make me cry and how many times I would end up in the hot seat. For those of you that don't watch the show, the "hot seat" is for the woman who has done the worst for that day's events.
So who will nominate me? And Steve, if you are reading please pick me for the next season of Tough Love.
Dating books are a lot of fun. Generally I like to read them out of curiosity, I always wonder what other people have to say about dating and being single. Plus a little advice never hurts a girl right? Lately I have been reading this book called Why Hasn't He Called
. Actually, I would like to call it The Cookie Cutter's Guide to Getting the Cookie Cutter Guy since I feel like that title is far more fitting for the book.
As a side note here, I feel like I should sort of defend the corny title here. Actually, I read the reviews on Amazon.com and that is what hooked me. Honestly, I couldn't believe that a book would actually recommend some of the things the reviews said so I had to see to myself. I am almost done with the book and I have to say the reviews didn't disappoint me. They weren't lying at all. This book gives some of the most absurd advice that I have ever heard.