All The Single Ladies

Attraction Archives

Dating shouldn't be segregated

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Yesterday I received a less than flattering comment through the contact form on my personal website. And while I am not a fan of those comments because they are a total blow to the ego that is not technically what this post is about but it's important to mention because it made me think and it's largely what has inspired this post.

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Could you date a guy who still lives with his parents?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Woman Dusting Houseplant

I love Sundays. Generally they are a pretty relaxing day for me. I drink a lot of coffee and write a lot. Sometimes I read and just try to relax. Actually, I am even known to cook a meal or two on Sundays. Another great thing is that Sundays are usually a great day for television, which is where I get to admit to watching some of the really lame shows that I actually watch.

I tend to be drawn to MTV occasionally on the weekends. There is often a marathon of shows like True Life or Made and what can I say, I am a fan of those shows for the most part. Hey it's a little better than my addiction to Teen Mom.

At any rate, earlier today I caught an episode of True Life which was about people who lived at home with their parents. I am pretty sure it's a fairly old episode of the show, but it's one that I hadn't watched before.

On the show there was a guy who was 30-something and still lived with his mom. He openly admitted to being a mama's boy and said he just hadn't had the desire to move out yet. He also openly admitted that he's never had a serious girlfriend and that he thinks it would be a little difficult to bring a lady friend home to his mom's house.

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In defense of the shy guy

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

Man in boxers crouching

Recently I made a new friend. I kind of use the term friend loosely here as I have been engaging in a little flirtation with him. Read that as I have been flirting my ass off. He knows it and it seems to be pretty mutual.

Anyway, upon getting to know this guy, he has openly admitted to me on more than one occasion that he is a really shy guy - actually to be technical here he is a shy guy who is also on the clean cut side. This is generally the kind of guy that I have a really hard time meshing with and I know it's a problem for other women too.

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Chemistry is not the only thing that is important in a relationship

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have mentioned a few times about how important chemistry is to me. Honestly, it's just something that I need in a relationship. And maybe it's a made up idea or something you use as an excuse when you just aren't that into a guy, but for me it is truly important.

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Date Night Challenge Week 2: The birthday party

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

a young woman sitting on the bed and trying on lingerie

I have finished up the second week of the Date Night Challenge. My birthday was last weekend and there was a big party thrown in my honor. I also spent a lot of time with my mom before the big day because, well, I am her baby and that's what mom's like to do before their baby's big birthday. So that meant I didn't really have time for much dating and there's been a lack of awesome guys to date in my life lately.

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It's time to talk about (my) underwear

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young woman putting on tight dress

If you've ever been underwear shopping with me you know that I am kind of picky when it comes to underwear. And when I say picky I don't mean that I have to buy the most expensive things or a specific name brand, I just mean that I tend to only like certain kinds. I definitely try to have some sexy things but I also like to be comfortable. 

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First impressions are exhausting

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

My niece and nephew came for a little visit this past weekend. We planned to go to the Museum of Science and Industry and the Lincoln Park Zoo. As we were getting ready to go on Saturday, my niece picked out what she wanted to wear. She chose a pair of black leggings with a pink and black striped sweater dress mainly because I was wearing black leggings and a black dress and she loves to wear outfits that match what I am wearing. She also decided that she wanted to wear the socks that I bought her when I was in NYC.
 
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Too much too soon: What's the point?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

side profile of man sitting on a couch with his arm around a woman's shoulder

We've all met (and dated) the too much too soon guy. You know the guy that you go on a date with and he talks about all the things you guys can do together. He's incredibly complimentary but in a way like no other because he makes you truly think about the possibility of a relationship. And not just any relationship, but a relationship with him. You become hopeful, excited, curious.

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Is too much hair a deal breaker?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I've never really been a woman that's into the hairy guy thing. In fact, when I was in college I was known to date plenty of guys that were hairless. Yes, I am talking no arm or leg hair (I actually did that a couple of times). It's kind of weird, I know. Actually my friends always told me it was really weird, but I just had this aversion to hair and I am really not sure why.

As I've grown a little older I have become far more tolerant. And while I really wouldn't say I am turned on by hair on a guy, I could really care less as long as it's not totally unruly and he still has great hygiene. Call me crazy, but I am a firm believer in upkeep. Plus I believe that fair is fair and if women have to go through all the annoyances to maintain, well then so do men.

Obviously I know how I feel, but I have always been curious about what other people think about this hairy situation and Jennifer Kelton from Bad Online Dates also became curious. So we made it our mission to find out.

To find out what Jennifer and I found out in both Los Angeles and Chicago head on over and read the full article on Bad Online Dates.

 

Are women too picky?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Couple shopping for jeans

I've been thinking a lot lately about this whole idea that women are too picky. It's not a big secret that people often think women dump men for silly things like wearing white socks with black pants or brown shoes with a black shirt and so on. I've known many women like that and I can admit that there was once a time that I found myself saying things like that when I realized I was losing interest in a guy.

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It's called having sexual confidence

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Fishnet stockings

The other day, I was talking to a friend that I have known for a while. He doesn't live in Chicago so really we mostly trade e-mails back and forth. Occasionally his e-mails involve something to do with my blog since he reads it fairly regularly.

Anyway, we were discussing how some guys choose to approach me when they are "hitting" on me. He advised that I should be aware of my confidence and sexual aura (actually he flat out said to be careful how I use it). And also talked about how I blog about sex so maybe some guys get a certain idea about me.

I am not so sure how I feel about that. Actually, I entertained his ideas for a few moments and then thought to myself are you kidding me?

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You're happy, so why cheat?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Cheating happens. Not that I am trying to say that I condone it or excuse it but the fact of the matter is that is happens. One thing that I really don't understand about cheating is why people do it. Actually, correction I do not understand why people do it and then go on and on about how much they love their significant other (and how happy the person makes them).

First things first, let's clear up the things that I understand.

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You like me but that doesn't mean you have to like everything about me

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Mr. Google and I were talking the other day. Yes, that means he is still kind of in the picture. That is, as much in the picture as one can be when he is a few states away. Anyway, we were talking the other day when he said what I would like to call an over compliment. And it really made me think.

Here is the abridged version of the story. There are some not so flattering pictures of me on Facebook. I consider them not flattering because my hair is a much different color than it is now. Clearly I am totally going to out myself here, but no, the brunette is not natural. Honestly, I detest my natural hair color (on me). Mr. Google confessed that he discovered the pictures of me on Facebook and said that he thinks I look beautiful either way.

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Why can't we be friends?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Friendship Day with children and dog  

A thought occurred to me the other day - why do I seem to find so many guys that are opposed to being friends? I have had many conversations with guys, both from internet dating sites and just in general, and more often than not I hear things like "I'm not looking to make friends" or "I have enough friends already."

I'm not really even sure if I understand the phrase - I have enough friends. How is that really even possible? Are you really so popular that you have no room left in your life for another friend? I mean, you really can't even entertain the idea at all?

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A good date happens (once in a while)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man and woman laughing

I feel like I never really write about the good stuff that happens in dating. It could be that not enough good stuff actually happens (to me anyway) but I really hate saying that. I don't want to be the cynical woman that thinks that. The truth is, life (and dating) is not all rainbows and butterflies, bad things happen. Plus I feel like I have so many stories to share about my misadventures with guys that sometimes the good just escapes me.

Anyhow, I made a vow to myself that the next time something good happened I'd blog about it. After all, it's only fair and I like to play fair. Well, I am sure that you have guessed by now that something good has happened and it might seem small but I believe you should always keep promises.

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Sometimes you are just not the right (nice) guy

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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There is something I have kind of noticed a lot lately in some of the guys I have been meeting. A lot of them seem to have this whole "I am the man" kind of attitude about them just because they think they are a nice guy. I guess just being nice should be enough and apparently I am a total ass for even questioning if I want to date them.

Now, wait a second here, because I know what you are probably thinking. I am not advocating anything against dating nice guys here. So let me make it clear here that I am not saying that a woman should choose a bad boy over a nice guy. Rather, I am saying that a woman shouldn't want to date a man based solely on the fact he is nice. There is more to dating and a relationship than that.

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There is an exception to everything

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have always been the woman that can totally separate sex from feelings. I understand that people you are having sex with don't always care about you and that you don't always have sex with people you care about. Let's all be honest here, no matter how bad it might sound, sometimes people are just there for simple pleasure. It might be wonderfully blissful mind blowing pleasure, but never the less, it's just pleasure. I also understand that sometimes the line between sex and feelings can get a little blurry which is something that has caused me a little trouble in the past.

There was once a guy that I had this insane crush on but it became evident to me that the feeling was not mutual so I pretty much closed the door on the idea of dating him. As we spent more time together, we managed to become awesome friends. Until one night we engaged in a pretty heavy make out session that turned into two years of fooling around during which I took his virginity.

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An update on my quest for a summer fling

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Frustrated woman

A little over a week ago I wrote a post about how I was contemplating a summer fling. It was pretty much a unanimous vote amongst my readers and followers on Twitter so I decided that I should do it. Since everyone has been asking for updates I thought I would give everyone a few little details on what's been happening.

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Just because I don't want to sext doesn't mean I am a prude

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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It's really no secret that I meet guys off the internet, therefore it's not all that shocking that I also give one my number from time to time. Honestly, I have to say that I am not overly excited when I give a guy my number only to have him text me in return. Call me crazy, but I think if you ask for my phone number then you should just pick up the phone and actually call me. However, it's not really a total deal breaker so I tend to just let it slide.

Texting with a new guy generally starts out pretty simple with questions about my day or what I am doing that weekend and so on. This is all fine and dandy to me. However, sometimes the personal questions start to slowly creep in and he's all interested in my favorite position and the craziest place I have had sex. Then, the conversation totally takes an even bigger turn and next thing you know he's talking about how horny he is and asking if I would like to help him out. Followed by a very through and explicit description of all the things he wants to do to me. And all I am left thinking is how did this happen? How did we get from talking about going to see my sister to you asking if I'd like to see a picture of your penis?

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To fling or not to fling (with a 20-year-old)

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young Man Sleeping in Bed

I've bitched mentioned before that I seem to attract a lot of 20 to 22-year-olds on OkCupid. If you read my blog, you know that I've encountered my share of younger men during my time as a single woman and it's definitely never been a secret that I am not a huge fan.

Honestly, I would like to say that I have some grand explanation for it but the truth is that things between me and the younger fellas just don't tend to work all that well. Nevertheless, I can't deny that some of these younger dudes are super hot which makes flirting with them a whole lot of fun (that is up until the point when they start annoying the crap out of me). And I should also confess that I find myself salivating far more than any grown woman should ever admit, over many guys this age during my commute to and from work each day on the bus (if you follow me on Twitter, you have seen my highly inappropriate tweets on this subject).

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I would like a date that knows how to use grammar correctly

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I'm going to make a really huge and personal confession here. I am a grammar and spelling whore. Yes, I said it and it felt good and no I am not ashamed. Translation? It's a pretty necessary thing for any guy I date to know basic grammar and spelling. Now, this might seem like it's not that big of a deal or really all that hard to find but trust me it is. And anyone that has ever dated on the internet can vouch for me.

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Here's a tip for guys filling out a profile on an internet dating site

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Here is the correct way to take a picture of yourself

Earlier today I was perusing through the profiles on OkCupid and I kept noticing one thing that really annoys the crap out of me. Obviously since I am no stranger to the world of online dating this is not the first time I noticed this annoying thing. Though today I seemed to notice it more (or maybe I was just irritable today). So I thought I should give a little tip for all of the guys out there filling out a profile on an internet dating site. Lose the picture of you in the mirror holding your phone.
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The 22-year-old approach to picking up an older woman

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Student Asleep During Lecture

Will someone please tell me what the deal is with 22-year-old guys? Seriously, their approach to picking up women (mainly older women) just flat out sucks.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not overly fond of guys that are younger than I am (actually I am not overly fond of guys my age either). I tend to be into those that are more in the 32 to 35 age range - with an even bigger preference for those that are even older. Honestly I have no idea why this is; it's just how I have always been. Clearly I would love to say it's because I have better luck with older guys, but I am not really sure if I can say that.

Point being that there is a pretty big age difference between 22 and 32, especially in man years. So yes, I get that it's an age thing. Though, it's something that seems to be a trend which makes me wonder. And I mean, even if it is a 22-year-old is it too hard to ask for a little respect here?

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Sometimes dating different types isn't really all that different

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Everyone knows by now that I am a huge advocate for dating all different types of guys. I genuinely feel that when you only date certain types of guys that you just limit yourself way too much and might miss out on something really fantastic.

Whenever a guy asks me what my type is I always answer that I don't have one because honestly I am not sure if I do. I tend to not get caught up in labels and honestly I want to focus on getting to know a person rather than worrying about what "type" he is. However, I have started to notice something lately. Even though I date a variety of guys they all seem to have one thing in common with each other - they're unavailable.

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Guest Post: Okay guys, it's time to break up with Ed!!!

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Sometimes gay guys have the best views on straight guys. My dear friend, Daniel Scogin, definitely falls into that category. I know it might seem like I am a little biased, but I promise he really does. When he asked to guest blog of course I accepted (and by accepted I mean encouraged). We are actually thinking about starting a little series, so be on the look out for that. Here is his first post where he encourages guys, in a very non-subtle sort of way, to ditch Ed Hardy.

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Ladies, please lose the stache

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

As a single woman, I don't personally have a guy's perspective on pet peeves about women. So that's why I rely on guys to give me their opinion. Since I write about all my little pet peeves about guys I figured it's only fair that I write about the ladies too. Which is perfect since there is a guy I know who's been asking me to write about something women do (or technically don't do) that really gets under his skin.

This little thing is facial hair, actually it's mainly the mustache. Now, clearly I did not know this was an issue but apparently he's been on several dates where it has been. And sure enough, I have talked to a couple of other guys who said that they have noticed the same thing. Honestly, I didn't really know that guys noticed that kind of thing but apparently they do and apparently they don't find it attractive.

And sure, I know. It seems like a little thing so why can't a guy get past it? Well, let's face it, as women we also have little things that we can't get past either. In fact, when I wrote for examiner.com, I wrote a whole article about why guys wear socks during sex. Everyone has something so I feel this little thing is definitely fair and valid. And I mean come on, this is a pretty easy and cheap thing to fix.

So ladies, lose the stache. Here are some products that can help you do it.

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How to end the first date: The worst advice ever

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Dating books are a lot of fun. Generally I like to read them out of curiosity, I always wonder what other people have to say about dating and being single. Plus a little advice never hurts a girl right? Lately I have been reading this book called Why Hasn't He Called. Actually, I would like to call it The Cookie Cutter's Guide to Getting the Cookie Cutter Guy since I feel like that title is far more fitting for the book.

As a side note here, I feel like I should sort of defend the corny title here. Actually, I read the reviews on Amazon.com and that is what hooked me. Honestly, I couldn't believe that a book would actually recommend some of the things the reviews said so I had to see to myself. I am almost done with the book and I have to say the reviews didn't disappoint me. They weren't lying at all. This book gives some of the most absurd advice that I have ever heard.

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Where are all the hotties at?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Limelife.com recently put out lists on where to find all the hot single men and women in America. The information came from the U.S. Census and the 2009 Men's Fitness rankings of the top fit cities. According to the list, most of the fit and single men are in Salt Lake City, Utah while the fit and single women are in Boston, Massachusetts. Chicago seems to be in the middle with a decent blend of both fit single men and women.

Now, I have to say that I originally found this on AOL where I found the author to be a little annoying. I mean this is tragic really. If all the fit (and super attractive) people are on opposite sides of the country how in the world are they supposed to get together?

Here's the thing though. How in the world does being fit suddenly make you a hot eligible single? Even more then that, how does being fit make you automatically compatible with another person that's fit? I mean who knew that was the secret to eternal happiness really.

I don't think you can really go as far as to say that this is where all of the hot singles are. After all, I would like to think there is a little more to being hot then just being fit. There is right? Yes, I can value a guy who takes care of himself. And if a guy is the sort of person who works out seven days a week and has no body fat then kudos to him, really. To each his own is what I always say.

Clearly I understand that whole physical attraction thing and think it is definitely important. There are physical characteristics you like and some you don't. Likewise, there are people that you are attracted to and people that you aren't. However, a hot body is not the only attractive physical quality about a person. Simply having a hot body does not automatically equal attraction and I would say some people would still be likely to pass (at least on anything more then just a night).

As for relationship compatibility, I would really like to think that we are not that superficial. Now, I can understand that being fit is a lifestyle preference and obviously it's something that you want to have in common with your mate. I mean dating a couch potato when you are fit is like an environmentalist dating someone that drives a Hummer and throws trash all over the place. Yeah, definitely not compatible and there is no argument with that at all. On the other hand, can you definitely say that just because a person shares being fit with you (or any other lifestyle preference for that matter) that you are automatically compatible? I think not.

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