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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.


Recently a research firm conducted a survey for about the behavior of singles. They surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and I have to say that I found the results to be pretty interesting. Now, let me just say that I tend to be pretty skeptical of statistics. So I know that this doesn't mean that every woman or man out there does or doesn't feel this way but never the less, I found the findings to be interesting.

According to the survey 49% of women disagree that women should be the primary caregiver (versus 38% of men). 87% of women say they would pick up the check on a date under some circumstances and 85% of women believe that it's possible to have a successful career and relationship at the same time. However, In the past year, 89% of women have not asked someone out on a date and 48% of women typically wait for the other person to reach out after the first date. And, with a new partner, women still prefer their partners to initiate sex.

This was probably the most interesting to me because it seems like while the women in the survey are all about being progressive when it comes to a relationship they aren't nearly as progressive when it comes to how the relationship actually begins.

And trust me, I am not pointing the finger at anyone here because I am totally in that group and I didn't really realize it until I read this survey. I would totally pick up the check on a date or pay half. In fact, on my last date, he paid for dinner and then I paid for a few rounds of drinks. I believe that a relationship is a partnership and no one person is calling the shots.

While I will totally contact a guy after a first date I generally am hesitant to actually ask a guy out on a date because there is this little voice inside of me that says if he really wanted to ask me out he would. However this is something that I am aware of (even more so now) so I am trying to be a little better about that. Also, I am embarrassed to say that I have seriously only made the first move one time in my entire life. However, when I have been with a guy before or if we are steadily dating then that is a totally different story. I have no issue with initiating sex in that case. It's just that first move that can be a little difficult. And yes, I know it's difficult for guys too. I also know this makes me sound like a wimp.

The study also found that 54% of men say they have experienced love at first sight, versus 41% of women. Among singles without children under 18, more men (24%) than women (15%) say they want children. This kind of says to me that women aren't always the ones that are wrapped up in love, babies, and relationships. I find my fair share of people who just assume I want a relationship because I am a woman. I am not a fan of that so it's interesting to learn that men want the same things.

I also have to add that I read an article on Yahoo Shine about how ass backwards singles are and that this survey proves it. The article also talked about how Sex and the City is the one responsible for this. Honestly, I find all of that pretty annoying. First of all, I know plenty of people who have watched Sex and the City who have never tried to model their lives after it. Many people can relate to Sex and the City because they see things in the show that they have experienced in their real life not because they are copying it. I don't think the actual series is the problem here. Rather the people that actually think that is real life.

Second of all, why do we always make it seem like it's so dreadfully wrong to have a different view on relationships? How do we know that this isn't the way we have always been but maybe people just haven't been open about it? I don't want to get all women's lib here but the fact of the matter is that there were many things that weren't acceptable for women (some of those things still aren't). This doesn't mean that women (or men) never felt this way. And, just because it's different doesn't make it wrong.



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