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I won't give up on dating

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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This guy looks like he's done dating

Throughout my life, many people have told me that I am a very positive person. I can find something positive in almost any situation in life. And yes, I will openly admit that sometimes it's a little annoying, maybe even a little sickening but it's just the way I have always been.

Honestly, I have no idea where it comes from. Trust me, my life hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. I have had my share of heartache, troubles, and what have you (we all have). It's just somehow I see the other side I guess. I see how things could be worse or how things will get better. No matter what happens, I see something that makes it seem like it's not the end of the world. Granted sometimes it takes me a couple of days (or years), but nevertheless I still see it.

I was reminded of this positive attitude in a conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about dating and all of the annoying and frustrating things we have had happen to us during our million years of dating. He is tired of all the bad things that happen and all the excitement over dates/relationships that fail in the end. So his answer is to just give up. He wants to just stop dating. And he asked if I had ever thought the same thing.

Of course I have had my times when I have thought that I am done dating. I have even taken plenty of breaks to clear my head. But ultimately, I don't' think that I will ever totally give up on dating. Call me annoyingly positive. Call me too nice. Call me not cynical enough. Call me whatever you want but the simple fact is that I believe there are far too many positive things to dating that outweigh all of the bad. Positive things that have nothing to do with meeting "the one."

I have learned a lot about myself and what I want (and don't want) through dating. But I am also realistic. I know that there are good and bad parts to dating. Sometimes the good is really really good and sometimes the bad is even worse. If you are willing to take the good in life then you have to be willing to take the bad as well. And that is exactly how I live every other aspect of my life so dating shouldn't be any different.

Sometimes (or always) dating is a bitch. You are going to go out on terribly awfully horribly tragic dates. You are going to get hurt and burnt. People are going to say they will call and they won't. You will get stood up. You will search through and send messages to 194 people on match.com and only get one response or not get any. That doesn't mean dating is this horrible thing, that's just called life.

Think about it - you have a few bad days at your job do you give up on working? No. Maybe you might give up on that specific job but you get out there and you find another one. If the next one doesn't work then you find another one and so on. And maybe that is a bad comparison because you need a job to survive, but we apply that thing to many other things in our lives. You have the belief that the next job will be better than the last. So why not take the same attitude with dating? Why not believe maybe the next date will be better than the last?

I am the queen of horrible dates. My dating life hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies either. I am also the queen of having plenty of friends that always seem to have the good luck when it comes to dating. It's so easy to feel jaded when you continually have the same sort of bad stuff happen over again.

Honestly, I don't even feel that this "never give up on dating" thing comes from the idea that I will eventually meet someone. Don't get me wrong, I believe it can happen and hope that it will but we've established that I am not sure if there is someone out there for everyone or if any of that even matters.

The point that I am making here is that I take dating for all that it is - the good and the bad. Sometimes dating really sucks, but I am still not going to give up on it.

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7 Comments

singlemuch said:

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I was just writing someone about this. I keep thinking I need to take a break but I'm not sure I know how. It has become such a part of me (scary). I usually have the same annoying, optimistic outlook however, I am feeling the jadedness slowly seep in. I'm just so sick of men in some ways!
Sometimes it feels impossible to find someone compatible, in the right place, blah blah...so many things have to line up. oy.

Jessica Downey said:

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I totally feel you there. I have taken a few breaks in dating. The first time I did it I didn't really follow through because it seemed much harder than I thought it would be (also scary). But once I actually did it, it really helped to clear my head. I think if you are starting to feel jaded then there is no harm in taking a little break. Even if it's just a tiny little one.

im1walrus said:

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I have this business idea where someone beautiful and smart like you could actually charge money to go on a date with a walrus-like guy like me. That way, even if the date wasn't that good, at least you got paid right? I can't believe no one has thought of this. I mean, you're so wonderful in so many ways any guy would gladly pay for the chance at a date with you! We should discuss this, seriously.

Jessica Downey said:

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I like your style walrus, I really do. Let's discuss.

The Chicago Snob said:

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Does that mean you're NOT participating in NoManJan?

Jessica Downey said:

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I don’t think that NoManJan has anything to do with giving up on dating (and this post has nothing to do with NoManJan). I am more talking about dating as a whole and abandoning the belief that there are awesome people out there. I fully support NoManJan and think it’s awesome.

asiangal said:

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Just a couple of days ago, a friend sent me this quote which I think is very apt for this discussion:

'Life without Love is like a harp without strings so wherever you go, go with all your heart knowing that you can't make someone Love you, all you can do is be someone that can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realise your worth.'

I also believe we should not give up on dating, we are each searching for that someone but at the same time, someone is also searching for each of us. We just need to find each other.. :)

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