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Dating advice I don't understand: Signs to tell he thinks you're the one

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.


I read a lot of stuff on the internet. Some of it is really awesome and some of it I don't really understand. I mean, I comprehend what it is saying but it just baffles me. Yesterday a friend sent me an article called "5 Signs He Thinks You're The One" which I believe was published earlier this month in Cosmo. This would be a perfect example of an article that baffles me. And I know I am a little late to the game on this, but I really felt like I wanted to share my two cents.

The article is about exactly what it suggests - how to tell if your guy thinks you are the one which honestly I think is a little odd. I mean, if you want to know how your guy feels I am not sure if a magazine is the best place to be looking. Actually if you feel you need to look in a magazine I would wager a guess that the guy you're with probably doesn't think you are the one. But that's just me.

Anyway, the reasons went a little something like this:

1. He wants to spend the holidays with you -- wherever that takes him.

2. He invites you to his best friend's wedding -- without being pushed.

3. He drops the phrase "our kids".

4. He's cried in front of you.

5. He's suddenly very responsible about finances.

Now, I know what I thought of all of these but it really made a little curious so I did what I do best (other than blogging of course) and I sent out a message to my friends on Twitter asking for thoughts. Most people believed that there was something a little off about this list, actually one of them called it rubbish. And most said maybe they could see a couple of them but still not really.

One friend brought up an interesting point and we agreed that these things are more a sign of commitment rather than thinking you're the one. I think if a guy is doing these things then it's pretty obvious he sees you as a big part of his life and he sees you there for a long period of time. I mean, if your boyfriend isn't doing these things I might want to rethink that relationship a little. The key thing to remember though is that commitment does not mean marriage.

So clearly I am not the only one that thinks these ideas are a little off. I'm actually not really a fan of any articles that give you any number of signs to tell what a guy is thinking or feeling about anything. I mean, I have read a few that make valid points and actually seem pretty logical, but aren't we told more often than not that we shouldn't be looking for signs because guys are so straight forward?

I have to say that part of me kind of struggles more with the title of this article than anything. The title talks about being the one but then the first paragraph goes on to talk about how these are signs of being "wifey material". Maybe it's just me, but I really don't think these two concepts are interchangeable.

For me, if a guy thinks you're the one then that's it. You are the woman he wants to marry. However, if he thinks you are "wifey" material then I feel like that means that you are the kind of woman that would make a good wife but he isn't necessarily saying he wants to marry you. That doesn't mean he won't marry you it just means maybe he hasn't decided that yet. I mean, I have had plenty of guy friends tell me I would make an awesome wife but I don't see any of them getting down on one knee.

Personally, I don't get this idea that you can't talk about your future with the guy you are with. If you can't talk about the future with him then he might not be the guy that you should be trying to plan your future with. All the guys I know don't have an issue with planning their future with the woman they love. I mean, that's what you are supposed to do right? And I don't mean you have to talk about it everyday or anything, but at some point. Plus the fact that if the guy is tossing out things about "our kids" I would definitely think we would have had some sort of conversation about our future at some point.

Call me crazy but I think the best "sign" to know you're the one is if the guy loves you. If he loves you, I mean truly and completely loves you then you will know because he will make sure you know it. Oh and if he proposes, that's also a pretty good sign as well.



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Nanny Cam Safety said:

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This is a great post but always keep in mind all the signs might be wrong and you can end up hurt in more ways than one!!

Joe Amoia said:

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Sorry Jess, but as the saying goes, "Sometimes Love is Not Enough". Yes, Love is an important part of a successful relationship but millions of divorced people will testify that they loved their exes but they didn't like them.

I loved my ex-fiancee (and she loved me) but we weren't good for each other. Having learned from that fiasco I learned that the key to a happy & fulfilling relationship is two individuals who fulfill each other's needs (including the need to love/be loved).

HOw many of your grirlfreind's say they love a guy yet they are in relationships where they are unhappy?

The 5 steps article that u refer to can not be taken seriously but the underlying theme is that if a guy is willing to talk about the future and include a woman in his life it is because in some way he sees the possibility of a future with that woman. Does that future mean marriage? Who knows? We all have different ideas of what our future/marraige shoulds be like. But as a man who has now been happily married for 10 years I can say that Love is only one piece of the puzzle.

Jessica Downey said:


Oh trust me, I do not in anyway believe that love is enough at all. I was hopelessly in love with a guy once upon a time but we were not right for each other and I had to end it.

My response to this article was never meant to imply that all you need is love, but just that the signs in the article do not necessarily mean that a man thinks you are the one or that he wants to marry you. As I pointed out in the article they do show a sign of commitment, but commitment doesn’t always mean marriage.

I believe that if someone loves you and wants to spend their life with you then they show you and you can tell.

Something She Dated said:


"if he proposes...that's a pretty good sign too"

AHAHAHAHAHAHA Classic!!! And so true...I'm not hedging my bets on any boy thinking he wants to marry me until he says...ya's a ring...I want to marry you.

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