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Book review: It Just Hasn't Happened Yet

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I've mentioned before (on more than one occasion) that as a single person I feel like I am constantly explaining why I am single. Whenever someone asks me I generally say something about how I haven't met someone who I want to be non single with yet. After I say this I generally feel like this should be enough but we all know that sometimes that just isn't the case. Instead the other person feels they need to give you advice and/or diagnose why you are single.
 
I like to think that in this case people just really care for you and really have your best interest at heart. And honestly I am pretty sure that's true. But generally when you are in this type of situation you are left feeling annoyed or you feel like there is something terribly wrong with you (or a combination of the two).

I believe that the only encouragement any single person really needs is that they are fine just the way they are. And that their single status is not the result of anything they are doing wrong but rather just the way that life is happening for them. Coincidentally this belief is completely in agreement with a book that I just finished reading.

It Just Hasn't Happened Yet by Karin Anderson, Ph.D., which hit the shelves earlier in 2010, completely blasts all of the reasons people say you are still single. The author challenges all of the typical reasons any single person has heard  (you're too picky, you aren't getting out there enough, you aren't trying hard enough, etc) with the real reason - that it just hasn't happened yet (as the title suggests).

One thing that I really liked about the book is that I think almost any single person (woman or man - yes I said man too) can relate to it. We have all found ourselves in this sort of situation at some point in time during our existence as a single person. I used to be the only single person amongst all of my friends. They were all finding people they wanted to date/marry but I wasn't even though I was out there going on what seemed like a million dates. Things just seemed easy for them and I kind of thought there was something wrong with me. But then I realized that they were meeting people they wanted to spend their lives with and I wasn't so maybe it was something else. Maybe it was just their time. Maybe they were just lucky. Maybe it had nothing to do with me at all.

We all live life differently and experience things at different times. The author encourages you to be who you are and to stop picking apart everything about yourself. She backs up the idea that we all do things (including finding love) in our own time and in our own way. Honestly, the book really makes you feel like you are fine just the way you are and that wherever you are at in your life is where you are supposed to be (which is another thing that I really loved about the book). I guess in a way it reassured me that I am doing what I need to be doing and that I am at the right place in my life.

The best part is that while this is a book that makes you feel like you are just fine being single it also gave me hope that it will eventually happen for me (meaning I will eventually find someone that I want to be with). Often times, I find that books that empower singles to be content with their single status also make it seem like that's the only way to be. I feel like you can have both things in life. You can be happy being single but also have the desire to find someone and this book totally reiterated that fact for me. 

All in all I found the book to be an excellent read and I recommend it to anyone. It is truly inspiring and encouraging but also incredibly realistic. 

As a little side note here, I actually had the opportunity to meet with the author. We had an amazing conversation so stay tuned for the recap of what we had to say.

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1 Comment

Jennifer Fernicola Ronay said:

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I love this!! I met the author too. I interviewed her for Chicago3Media.com. She's right! It just, well, hasn't happened yet. Keep being your wonderful self, no apologies :)

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