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In defense of the shy guy

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.


Man in boxers crouching

Recently I made a new friend. I kind of use the term friend loosely here as I have been engaging in a little flirtation with him. Read that as I have been flirting my ass off. He knows it and it seems to be pretty mutual.

Anyway, upon getting to know this guy, he has openly admitted to me on more than one occasion that he is a really shy guy - actually to be technical here he is a shy guy who is also on the clean cut side. This is generally the kind of guy that I have a really hard time meshing with and I know it's a problem for other women too.

Shy guys almost always throw me off. Perhaps it's partially my fault because I often attribute their quiet non-aggressive ways to lack of interest rather then the shy thing, but never the less, they confuse the hell out of me. Often times I try to make conversation but it never goes anywhere because I really only get one word responses. Then there is that awkward dead silence. And let's not even go into the whole first move thing. To sum it up I feel like I am on a date with a guy that is totally not interested or attracted to me. It can be pretty miserable.

I enjoy when a guy says what is on his mind. If you would really rather have Chinese food then tell me already. I am not always right and it's not always about what I want. And, when I date a guy, I don't want to be the only one that's thinking of the fun things to do and I certainly don't want to force anyone to be spontaneous (is that even spontaneous anyway?).

The clean cut guy can also throw me off. I am a little on the artsy side - mildly tattooed and pierced. Sometimes I like to swear a little and I hate playing by the rules. I don't want to say I am rough around the edges, but I lean a little in that direction. I need a guy who doesn't expect me to be prim and proper. Trust me, I have plenty of manners, I am just a little colorful.

In the past, I have dated clean cut shy guys and it's never really worked out right. Usually on the first date it's like pulling teeth to make conversation and we end up sitting on my couch with pillows piled between us. If it makes it past the first date we both end up trying to change each other to be more like the other person. Neither situation works for me.

Now, before you go all crazy on me, I am not saying that I think every shy guy in the world is like this. Let me reiterate here that I truly try keep an open mind about this sort of thing. And if the shy clean cut guy asked me on a date then I would be more than willing to accept. I don't like labels or stereotypes and I generally think that you have to meet a person, and get to know them a bit.

I just tend to be a little leery of the shy guy because of how awkward it can be which is exactly where the problem lies. No matter how open minded I am there are still things that make me a little afraid. My fears often kill the excitement about a guy and it's very likely that I project those fears on the situation. So, I am pretty sure that I am killing it before it even starts. And yes, I know this is not the smartest thing in the world.

Enter in this new guy.

Now, I am not going to get into all the nitty gritty details here, but I will tell you that as I have talked to him he has surprised me on more than one occasion. He seems to be pretty adventurous. Actually he's done a couple of things I have never even done and he is definitely not afraid of trying new things. He's extremely fun and sarcastic and he's even tried to insult me a couple of times (in a totally funny and harmless way of course). He's kind of like the sweet and charming shy guy and the risky bad boy rolled into one.

I have no idea what will happen with this guy. To be totally honest, I am trying not to over analyze the whole thing but rather just living in the moment and taking it for what it is. But this post isn't really even technically about him. It just backs up something that was important to me. Something that I think I needed to be reminded of.

It doesn't matter how a person is packaged up - you really don't know what you're going to get. People are complex creatures, with many, many layers. You need to peel away at the layers a little before you can make any sort of decision about them. Don't get me wrong here, I am not encouraging anyone to go out with a person that they aren't attracted to or really and truly don't like. I am just saying you have to be open minded when it comes to dating and you shouldn't let your fears get in the way.

And, as for the shy guy, give him a chance. He might not be so boring or uninterested in you after all. Actually, he might be a whole lot of fun and he might even shock the hell out of you.



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1 Comment

Atlguy said:


I like the article, since its about me ;) Accurate and well written!

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