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Does your boyfriend have to be friends with your friends?

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Group of people relaxing around sofa, holding drinks and laughing

I've always been the girl who wanted a boyfriend who was friends with my friends. And I don't mean they play nice together when we are hanging out. No, I mean actual friends. You know the kind of friends who actually know things about one another. Maybe even hang out together when I am not around.

Call me totally crazy, but that is how I felt. My friends are important to me, always have been and always will be. In fact, I even consider my really close friends to be part of my family. So I guess it just seemed normal to want a guy to be a part of that. I can openly admit that I have had second thoughts about a guy who I thought might not "fit in" with my circle of friends.

I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I have lost so many friendships over the years because of boyfriends and marriages. If you are dating someone who doesn't get along with your friends or vice versa then that obviously causes a problem. Often times when this happens, you are left feeling like you have to make a choice. I don't want to ever have to be in a situation where I feel like I have to make a choice. So, to me, the logical decision was to try to avoid that altogether.

Now, let me be clear here, I am not one of those girls who suddenly gets a boyfriend and then has to bring him everywhere she goes. I greatly value my time alone with my friends (and my time alone with myself). I am just saying, I liked the idea of double dates or having dinner at friend's houses with my boyfriend. I guess you can say I like the idea of being able to bring my boyfriend anywhere and not worrying about who is there. Seems pretty normal and logical right?

I still think that seems like a logical thing and I am not trying to totally abandon all of my ideas here, but I have realized that things don't necessarily have to go the way I originally thought in order for it to all work out. It's not really about having a boyfriend who adores my friends as much as I do but more about him respecting and accepting how much I truly adore my friends.

Friends are kind of like in laws. They come with the package and your significant other doesn't necessarily have to be buddy buddy with them, but he (or she) has to respect them. Even more, he (or she) has to respect your feelings for them. Sure, I can kind of understand there being an issue when you have a totally crappy friend. But ultimately, it is still your own decision.

There is a whole world between dating someone who is completely disrespectful to your friends and someone who just isn't best friends with your BFF. I know I could never date a guy who is blatantly rude to my friends and I still believe that I would love a guy who adores my friends as much at I do, but I am learning that there is a middle ground. And, in this case, being in that middle ground is totally okay.



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DarkAngel said:


sometime this week I will use "
I have realized that things don't necessarily have to go the way I originally thought in order for it to all work out"

as my facebook status

TKM said:


Have to be friends? Not neccessarily, be able to tolerate and interact on a friendly level? Absolutely. One ex had a friend that I honestly couldn't understand why she was friends with...but I hung out with them and held my tongue...the ex just knew to try and keep interactions to small doses.

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