All The Single Ladies

« In defense of the shy guy I am featured on Cupid's Pulse »

Chemistry is not the only thing that is important in a relationship

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Couple Kissing.jpg

I have mentioned a few times about how important chemistry is to me. Honestly, it's just something that I need in a relationship. And maybe it's a made up idea or something you use as an excuse when you just aren't that into a guy, but for me it is truly important.

Now, when I say chemistry, I don't just mean the desire to make out and jump on top of a guy every time I see him (though that is also included in there). I also mean that feeling that you are completely and utterly crazy for a person. You know, the excited feeling you get when you see a text from him or when he calls you. And the feeling that you are perfectly fine spending a Saturday night with just him on your couch. It's that feeling that it doesn't really matter what you do as long as you are together.

Yes, I know that's incredibly corny but that's all part of it - you don't really care how corny it is. Chemistry can be a really powerful thing. I guess it kind of feels like love, or maybe it is love. I think at the very least it could be the start of love.

I have had chemistry with a handful of guys in my life. Really I have only had that insane crazy about you, mind blowing chemistry with two guys. Neither of those guys really gave me what I wanted in a relationship or what I wanted in a future. Yet I fought so hard to be with them and when it ended I felt like my entire world had ended.

I was spending so much time focusing on the chemistry part that I wasn't allowing myself to really be realistic about what kind of relationship we actually had together. Part of it was the fear that I wouldn't be able to connect with someone on that level again. And the idea that if we had that sort of chemistry then clearly it was meant to be something spectacular.

But now I am realizing that chemistry is not the only thing you need to have in a relationship. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that you shouldn't let yourself get all wrapped up in the excitement of all these feelings. I still firmly stand behind the idea that chemistry important. It's just not the only thing that is important.

So, go ahead and be crazy about the guy. Let yourself be excited when he calls. Go ahead and be distracted by thoughts of him all day at work. Think about how awesome it feels to be with him and how much you like when he kisses you. Just don't get so wrapped up in it that you let yourself settle for less than what you deserve. The fact of the matter is dating a guy that you only have chemistry with is the same thing as dating a guy that only looks good on paper.

I know that relationships in real life don't look the way they do in fairy tales, but I truly believe that you should be getting what you want, all of what you want, from the other person. Ultimately the person that you have chemistry with might not necessarily be the right person for you.



Recent Posts



sox80 said:

default userpic local-auth auth-type-mt

I was just discussing this concept with a gf the other day! There is a particular man in my life with whom I share incredible chemistry, but we don't work as a couple at all. I think we are too alike. We would go back and forth until he finally got back together with his ex. It's weird how things like that work out.

Jessica Downey said:


Thanks so much for the comment. I kind of had a hard time with this post because at first it didn't make sense to me. But it's really true sometimes you have all the chemistry in the world, but just lack the relationship stuff. And you are so right, it's really weird.

Petunia Johnson said:

default userpic local-auth auth-type-mt

Chemistry is so powerful. It has caused some damage in my life. I can't live with it and I can't live without it. But I agree with you. I too have realized that there are many other things that are just as important. It's just so hard to find the full package.

Check out my dating stories on's Date Daily


Leave a Comment?

Some HTML is permitted: a, strong, em

What your comment will look like:


what will you say?

Most Active Pages Right Now on Facebook

All The Single Ladies on Facebook