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Too much too soon: What's the point?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

side profile of man sitting on a couch with his arm around a woman's shoulder

We've all met (and dated) the too much too soon guy. You know the guy that you go on a date with and he talks about all the things you guys can do together. He's incredibly complimentary but in a way like no other because he makes you truly think about the possibility of a relationship. And not just any relationship, but a relationship with him. You become hopeful, excited, curious.

The whole thing with Mr. Google really has me thinking about this whole thing. I know it might seem like I am rubbing this subject into the ground but as I was thinking I realized that I had a little more to say about it all. And, don't worry, not every post is going to be about Mr. Google. And actually this post isn't even about Mr. Google because I honestly believe he had good intentions. It's just when things happen I like to learn/grow from them.

I've kind of realized that this really isn't an uncommon theme in my dating life. In fact, I would say a vast majority of the guys that I have met and "dated" have been of the too much too soon form. I am not sure what this says about me. It could be the guys I attract, the guys that I choose to like, or just plain old dumb luck.

I want to believe in the good in dating. I don't want to be cynical when it comes to relationships or skeptical when a guy tells me something. Punishing a guy for another guy's crappy behavior just never seemed fair to me and I think when you do that you're doomed from the start.

The fact of the matter is, sometimes it's a little hard to distinguish the guy that's really just excited about seeing you again and the too much too soon guy. It's pretty easy to get wrapped up into the idea of the possibilities and wanting to believe in the good in the person.

Honestly, I've never really understood the point of the whole too much too soon thing. I mean really, what does anyone honestly gain from it?

I often think that some guys get a little caught up in what they think they are supposed to do on a date. It's the whole idea that you should always compliment a woman and make her feel special. Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying you shouldn't compliment a woman at all. I am just saying pretty there is a pretty big world between never complimenting a woman and flat out bull shitting her and sometimes that gets a little lost in there. It's all about balance here and you should just be real.

Here's a little secret. You don't have to promise a woman the world to get a second date with her. Actually you shouldn't even do that to get her into bed, but that's a whole other blog. It's not necessary to talk about all of our future plans together or how awesome I am. In fact, if you don't truly think those things it's probably best to just shut up.

A woman is going to gage what she wants to do with you and if she wants to continue things based on how much she likes you (or is attracted to you). Funny thing how that works isn't it? Making promises (or giving out compliments) is not the thing that makes you the good guy. You have to actually mean what you say and follow through with it.

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1 Comment

dazediva said:

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Too much too soon .. tell me about it ... you've said it perfectly ..its not about what one says, its about the follow-through & follow-up.

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