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You're happy, so why cheat?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Cheating happens. Not that I am trying to say that I condone it or excuse it but the fact of the matter is that is happens. One thing that I really don't understand about cheating is why people do it. Actually, correction I do not understand why people do it and then go on and on about how much they love their significant other (and how happy the person makes them).

First things first, let's clear up the things that I understand.

I understand that there are temptations in the world. Sometimes you meet a person that you are really attracted to. It could be that they have the body type you love or their overall look is just the kind of thing that really turns you on.

I understand that things happen. Sometimes you end up in a situation you shouldn't be in and let yourself get caught up in it all. Perhaps you end up really drunk in a cab with the person you've always wanted to screw around with. It could be that she (or he) is really wants to do it with you.

I understand that sometimes people end up in unhappy relationships. Generally this makes them feel as though they are stuck and it seems easier to just get a little satisfaction on the side than to end things.

Now, when I say I understand here, I am not saying that I agree with any of these situations. The fact of the matter is, I believe that cheating is wrong and I believe that you shouldn't do it under any circumstances. But I am not here to judge or ridicule anyone for what they do in life. I don't think I am in a place to do that nor is anyone really. All I am saying is that these reasons make sense to me; I get them.

What I don't understand are the people who say they are happy with the person they are with and are totally in love with them but then go out and cheat. Let me give you a little example here.

I know a guy who constantly pursues women to cheat with. He is currently in the process of planning his wedding with a woman that he loves and adores. He openly admits that if she ever found out that it would crush her. But still, he is out there finding other women and cheating. And he is not the first guy I have run into that is in this kind of situation.

To me, he doesn't fall into one of the above categories. He is purposefully putting himself in situations with women he is attracted to. Even more than that, he is actually pursuing other women to screw around with. I mean literally telling them he wants to have sex with them and then trying to convince them to do it. Yet, if you asked him he would say that he is completely and utterly happy with his significant other.

That is something that I just don't understand.

I know that you can't stop meeting attractive people, that is, unless you just don't ever want to leave your place. Just being in a relationship doesn't mean that you stop noticing other attractive people. However, I personally believe that if you can openly admit that screwing around will hurt the person you are with then you don't screw around.

Sure, I am not going to say that it isn't hard. I mean you meet someone who you are really attracted to and your mind kind of wanders to what could happen. But the fact of the matter is that what you have with your significant other should stop you from actually putting those thoughts into action.

I should have also stated up there that I understand the concept of the thrill of the hunt. For some people sneaking around or keeping it a secret is fun and exciting. But I still say that what you have with the person you are with should stop you from actually doing it.

Honestly, I just wonder if people in this kind of situation really love the person they are with. For starters, shouldn't you at least feel a little bad for cheating? And if you are truly happy, why would you want to jeopardize that just to shack up with someone else? Even more, if you know it will hurt the person you are in a relationship with, why in the world would you want to put them through that if they find out?

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2 Comments

Something She Dated said:

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This is just my take on it...so don't hold it up to the light too much (as you might then see through it lol!) but I would guess that it has a lot to do with the cheater's own insecurities...and then need to negate them. For example...I er..know this girl...er...yeah...a friend...and during the early years of a reltionship with a man she loved (though I emphasize early as the love clearly increased later)...and she was er...drinking a lot...and often when drinking would stray...generally never actually having sex but mostly just a lot of making out and maybe some inappropriate touching...that being said...why did she do it?...because all her life she'd been a big gal...often ignored by boys...and now...finally...the boys were loving her...sure she had a great man (okay well good man, no one is perfect)...but there's was a long distance relationship and when she drank...she'd get lonely...and no bullshit...wanted to feel desired...wanted the power that hooking up brings with it...so yeah...maybe that's what it's about. For reference...not only do I not condone the behavior...it's even worse that they're getting married soon...but just saying...I'd guess it's a personal deficiency with him...

Jessica Downey said:

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You know, you make a pretty good point here. And that definitely could be the case. Though I would still say that the situation you are describing is a little different from a person that is actually going out and looking for people to cheat with. Plus in your situation there is alcohol and massive loneliness involved. But still, definitely a great point.

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