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When the ex comes back around, part 3

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

side profile of a young man arguing with a young woman

I last left off (once again) with my story about Mr. BST. This time I left in the midst of our text conversation where he had asked how I would feel if he came to Chicago to see me and things were physical. And by physical I mean sex or at least a whole lot of sexually related things.

First things first, I am pretty sure it will be a cold day in hell before Mr. BST actually comes to Chicago to see me. When I first moved here we were on fairly friendly terms. We talked about how we wanted to see each other and the idea of him making a visit came up. Well, nearly four years later, he has yet to make a visit.

He would always do this thing where he would say he wanted to come visit and promised he would come in the next few weeks. Well, the weeks came and went and there was no visit from him. Sometimes he just didn't even bother to bring up the subject again.

Other times, he had a million excuses. There was a period that he didn't have a job so he didn't have the money. Then when he had a job he didn't have the time because he was working. I believe his car was an excuse in there a few times and the long drive. And he used the excuses over and over again (and yes I stopped believing him a long time ago).

Anyhow, he asked me how I would feel about being physical with him. My response was "you have a girlfriend and that is not happening" and I followed up with a comment about how I can't screw around with him and not have feelings for him.

He replied "I am not ready to be in a serious relationship after a failed engagement."

This comment didn't make sense to me at all. I mean shouldn't the reason he doesn't want a relationship with me be the fact that he is currently in a relationship? Not to mention the fact that he has never seemed to want a relationship with me. And call me crazy but isn't it a little weird to not be ready for a serious relationship when he is currently, in fact, in a serious relationship?

Now, something you must know here is one of the reasons I stopped talking to Mr. BST. A little over a year ago Mr. BST confessed that he thought he could really care about me but that he just wasn't ready for a relationship (yes, you can notice a pattern here). We stopped talking for a while and then a couple of months after that I found out he had a girlfriend. This would be the same girl that he is currently with.

For some reason, we started trying to be friends again and he started talking about how he was open to seeing where things could go between us. I wasn't really sure how to take that since he already had a girlfriend and he told me that he had no intention of really ending things with her. He just kept telling me he was open and you never know what will happen. Call me crazy, once again, but how can you be open to a relationship with me when you are already in a relationship with another woman?

Again he started talking about coming to Chicago to see me and he also confessed that he knew he wouldn't be able to keep is hands off me. So, just to sum things up here. He said he was open to seeing where things could go with me and he wanted to screw around with me all while he had a girlfriend. That's a whole lot of class right there.

Just to add the icing on the cake, after he told me all of this he would occasionally text me to tell me that he wanted me and how much I turned him on. He also tried to get me to send him some nude pictures and then when I said no, he tried for some dirty talk. Apparently this was all to "help him out" if you know what I mean. Whenever I questioned him about his girlfriend he would always say he didn't see her enough or they didn't have sex enough.

This is about the time that I chose to block him from my life. And I think it's very clear why.

Back to present day. So he is not ready for a serious relationship but then he said "I am open to what happens. I guess I am just the go with the flow type."

To which I responded "how can you be open and go with the flow when you have a girlfriend?"

Then he flipped out in a few texts and added a snide comment about how he didn't say he was open to anything with me and that we just want different things. But then said "you know my situation. it's your call."

Side note here, I think I already made it clear that I am not interested in being any form of the other woman. I also already stated, very clearly, that it's obvious we can't be friends. So I am pretty sure that I already made my call here.

Back to the conversation, where I responded "I don't want anything from you" and then said "I am happy, successful and things are good for me." Then I told him he needed to just let me go.

He didn't take this very well (he never has) and started off a long spout about how I don't want him to talk to his girlfriend or mention her and so on.

Actually, I just said that if he was open to a relationship with me or wanted to screw around with me he needed to be single. Isn't that kind of normal?

Things just escalated from there and he actually used the fact that I am in Chicago for one of the reasons that we can't be together. Which, I mean, we couldn't get together in the four years I was in Indianapolis so I am pretty sure Chicago has nothing to do with it.

Then finally he said "Okay Jess I'm going to leave you alone now."

That is the last thing I heard from Mr. BST (and the last that I plan to because I have vowed not to be careless this time).

And, I will totally admit that I am a guilty party in all of this (including the seven to eight year dysfunctional relationship we had). I could have stopped it before it started but I kept prodding him for more information when I had a really good feeling I wasn't going to like what I was going to hear.

Though, he could just go be with his girlfriend and leave me alone.



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