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Long distance relationships: Yay or nay?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

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Long distance relationships aren't for everyone. I've been in my fair share of them to know that sometimes they suck. You have to schedule time to be together and sometimes you miss out on stuff. And you have to rely so much on verbal communication because you can't be physically together when you want to be.

Sometimes one (or both) people involved don't even realize that they can't handle it until they're actually in a long distance relationship. When I was in college and moved to Indianapolis, I had a boyfriend. I think we lasted a month or two before things started to fizzle and ended with him telling me he just couldn't handle the distance because he didn't want to have to worry about when he would see me again. So even though I was fine with it and he assured me he was fine with it, he ended up bailing.

The fact of the matter is that just because someone lives in the same city as you that doesn't mean you always get to see them when you want to. Clearly you have a much greater chance in this case and it's a whole lot easier, but sometimes it can be difficult to get together as often as you want. Plus, technically you can live in the same city and it might take an hour or so to get to each other.

The most convenient relationship I've ever had was with a guy that lived four blocks from me.

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It was great. If I needed to stop at home before going to his place, I could. I didn't have to worry if I couldn't get a cab or bus when I left his place because I could just walk home. We could hang out anytime, day or night. It didn't matter if I only had a couple of hours free because there was really no travel time involved. However, we didn't really click in a relationship kind of way and I refuse to date someone purely out of convenience. I mean, what happens when one of us moves?

A couple of years ago an old flame found me on Facebook. He lives in Indiana, where I am from. We ended up spending time together on weekends when I was there seeing my family which of course led to making out which led to some romantic feelings. Eventually he told me he wasn't ready for a girlfriend but then two weeks later I found out he had started seeing someone. When I asked him about it he told me that I was in Chicago and she lived in the same city he did.

Now, I will never really know if that's really why he chose her or if she just had something I didn't but I really just couldn't understand that. I mean if you really like someone how can you choose to date someone else just because of location? Honestly, I just feel that a connection is too hard to come by, so if you find it then you make it work somehow.

Sure, you might miss out on some things - like going for pancakes in the middle of the night at an all night café. But I guess for me it's not just about doing those sorts of things, it's also about doing them with a person that I really want to do them with. So, even though long distance sucks, I have done it and would do it again in a heartbeat.

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3 Comments

Something She Dated said:

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OMG I have so many things to say on this post (GRRREAT! Post btw)...where to start.

Well first...let's answer the title question...and in my opinion it gets a firm NAY!

Second...I have to ask...really? "but I really just couldn't understand that. I mean if you really like someone how can you choose to date someone else just because of location?" Can I ask how long your long distance relationships have been? I only ask because I remember at first it being fun...and then it was just okay...then it was great because we were in love...and headed somewhere...and then eventually it was just like a job...something that had to be fit in, and worked around, and honestly after six years it just gets exhausting when all you want is to be able to stop over at your boyfriend's house for dinner on a wednesday night, cuddle up and still be able to get to work/school the next morning.

"Honestly, I just feel that a connection is too hard to come by, so if you find it then you make it work somehow." Again...I have to ask...really? Now don't get me wrong...I think connections can be hard to come by in that you don't usually have a new one falling into your left every tuesday...but still...I'd say there's enough of 'em out there to not be worried about it.

I've always kind of felt that it's one thing if your love moves away and you carry on together...and a whole other thing to start dating someone in a different city...especially if you like two people and one lives in your city...pick him! pick him! Long distance relatioinships are hard (not just trying to stay connected, and faithful, and in love...but honestly...they are emotionally draining...every visit is a fucking trip you have to pack for [and presumably forget stuff...which is cute and no biggie the first 10 trips but after 3 years of trips forgetting your underwear, your bathing suit and favorite sex toy can really fucking irk you!]...every trip has to be planned and scheduled and I know we haven't seen each other in 3 weeks but it's my BFFs birthday...and I know you want to see me but I just can't I have to study this weekend...not to mention the 6 years worth of gas Mega Love and I have spent driving back and forth between Vancouver and Seattle...basically killing the ozone with our love :P)

But I digress...I feel I'm rambling...my point is this...the same way that'd I'd rather a guy who looked like a 4 but smelled amazing or a guy who was a 10 who did not...I would take a connection of a 5 with a guy who lived in my city over a guy with a connection of a 9 who did not.

Jessica Downey said:

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Thank you so much for the comment and you have totally outlined all the things that make me cringe at the idea of the distance thing. I am not by any means saying that it is easy to be in a long distance relationship. And I by no means compare the short ones I have had with people who have done it for years.

For me, it’s not really matter of it ever being “fun” because I don’t think it is. There are a million cons to having a long distance relationship, but for me there is one giant pro (the connection) which outweighs everything else. I have been with guys that I feel a 5 or so for and it doesn’t make me near as happy as when I am with a guy that I feel an 8-9 for and that is personally what I want in my life. It outweighs everything else for me and I honestly just can’t bring myself to be with someone that I feel less for just because of location.

And I also feel like the distance is something you can change eventually. You can’t make yourself have more of a connection with someone.

It’s totally a personal preference and I totally understand the arguments against it but I just can’t bring myself to say nay.

TKM said:

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Long Distance sucks monkey genitals. Always told myself I would never let it happen..then I got involved with a gal that ended up moving 2 time zones and an international border away. Psh that worked REAL well

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