All The Single Ladies

« Long distance relationships: Yay or nay? In defense of the nice guy »

It's called having sexual confidence

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Fishnet stockings

The other day, I was talking to a friend that I have known for a while. He doesn't live in Chicago so really we mostly trade e-mails back and forth. Occasionally his e-mails involve something to do with my blog since he reads it fairly regularly.

Anyway, we were discussing how some guys choose to approach me when they are "hitting" on me. He advised that I should be aware of my confidence and sexual aura (actually he flat out said to be careful how I use it). And also talked about how I blog about sex so maybe some guys get a certain idea about me.

I am not so sure how I feel about that. Actually, I entertained his ideas for a few moments and then thought to myself are you kidding me?

Clearly I know there are some guys that are attracted to me and that makes them, you know, want to make-out and do other things to/with me while I am naked. I don't say that to sound conceited or anything - notice I said some here and not every. So really, I am not talking about the fact that guys want to have sex with me. In fact, if no guy wanted to have sex with me I think I'd kind of wonder if there was something wrong with me. What I am talking about here is the approach.

I also know that sometimes I blog about sex, but how does that translate to me wanting to screw everything that moves? Plus, correct me if I am wrong here, but I also write about other things. Like great dates, shabby dating advice that I don't understand, and how I want to fall in love. Doesn't it seem logical to also assume that I want other things as well? Sure, I know certain guys (or people in general for that matter) will always make certain assumptions about me but that doesn't mean that it's right. And I am just not fond of the attitude that I somehow bring this on myself.

To me, I am doing what every other typical single woman is doing. The only difference is I blog about it so it's there and out in the open. And yes, I know that when you put your life out there you have to deal with what other people will think about it. But, I kind of feel like this is a bigger issue than that.

Just because a woman has a little sexual confidence doesn't mean she has no morals or values. And I have to tell you, I am not all that comfortable with this idea that it's perfectly fine to say whatever you want to a woman because of  this sexual confidence (ahem, Mr. DTF). Sure, I can admit there are instances when a woman acts a little scandalous, but that's not always the case when this happens. Sometimes the guy just doesn't seem to know how to handle himself. And, I am not sure I really condone this sort of thing when a woman is acting scandalous either.

For instance, once I met a guy at a business function and we exchanged information. Next thing I knew he was sending me graphic texts about what he wanted to do to me. Not once did I say anything to encourage it and we met at a business function, how much more non-sexual can you get here? Then there was also the guy I had never even met who told me he used his bed as a crutch for sex. He also told me he wanted to do it with me while listening to house music because it was awesome to "thump" to (among other incredibly graphic things).  Notice how we had never met so there was no way he picked up on my sexual aura. So really, please tell me how I could have been more "careful" in these situations?

I guess I just feel it's a little unfair tell a woman to be careful while no thought is given to the guy making the rude comments. That just seems a little ass backwards to me. The fact of the matter is there are women out there that are confident with their sexuality and there is nothing wrong with that. Bottom line is if you are the one making the rude comment, that's on you, not me.



Recent Posts


No Comments

Leave a Comment?

Some HTML is permitted: a, strong, em

What your comment will look like:


what will you say?

Most Active Pages Right Now on Facebook

All The Single Ladies on Facebook