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Does your single status really say anything about who you are?

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.



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I know I have written about why I am single many times before but it kind of seems like it's a subject that a person can go on and on about. There are so many ways to look at it and there are always new thoughts that come up. Let's face it, when you are single you almost always run into someone who wants you to have some clear cut reason for it.

Honestly the question annoys me because I don't understand why it always seems to come up. Why do people need a reason? It almost seems like people always want to diagnose that whole single thing - I mean there must be a reason for it, right? Never in my life have I ever heard anyone ask a person why they are in a relationship. So what's the deal with asking single people? I mean really, it's not that weird to be single is it?

One thing that really bothers me is when I start talking to a new guy and that is one of the first questions that flies out of his mouth. I mean forget what your favorite movie is or your hobbies. No, instead they want to know why I am single.

I can admit that sometimes that question spawns interesting conversations, like when a guy shares stories with me about his crazy ex-girlfriends. But more often than not I feel that question is used for some sort of judgment. It's almost as if people think the reasoning behind your single status will explain everything about you and will also somehow determine if you are relationship material or not.

It's like that question - when was your last relationship - which, coincidentally I am equally annoyed by. Does it really honestly matter when it was? Actually, I have to tell you I am more afraid of the person that tells me their last relationship was a month ago than the person that says 10 years ago.

Honestly, I have a couple of thoughts on all of this. First of all, you don't really want to know the real reason why I am single. I mean, let's be honest here if I have decided to stay single because I wanted to have sex with half the city, do you really (I mean really) want to know that?

What you really want is some kind of confirmation that I am not some psychotic bitch or assurance that I want a serious relationship. Which brings me to my second point - if you really want to know if I am relationship material then try dating me.

I have to tell you, if I am some crazy psycho who slashed my ex-boyfriends tires, I am surely not going to tell you that's why I am single. Likewise, just because I haven't been in a relationship for the better part of the past decade doesn't necessarily mean I am not relationship material. I mean maybe I have made some mistakes in my past and took time to learn from them. It also be that I wasn't ready for a relationship before and now I am.

Now sure, I am not going to deny that there are probably cases out there where the answers to these questions were spot on about what a person was really like and there are obviously some pretty sketchy reasons for a person's single status. But I will argue that it's not always the case. The reason for being single or the length of time that a person has been single doesn't necessarily tell you anything about a person. Plus it's really easy to sugar coat things (or flat out lie).

The fact of the matter is that people will tell you who they are if you really listen so how about just taking a little time (or you know, at least a couple of dates) and get to know them a little. That to me seems like such a much better and it greatly increases your chances of actually knowing what a person is like. 











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MsChick74 said:


I agree with you about the one month thing. If a guy is fresh out of a relationship, I am more wary of him than a guy who has been single for a few years. For all I know, he is still hung up on the chick who just broke his heart. I'd prefer not to be the rebound chick.

Jessica Downey said:


Thank you! I feel the exact same way. I will never understand why some people seem to stress so much about when you were last in a relationship.

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