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You like me but that doesn't mean you have to like everything about me

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Mr. Google and I were talking the other day. Yes, that means he is still kind of in the picture. That is, as much in the picture as one can be when he is a few states away. Anyway, we were talking the other day when he said what I would like to call an over compliment. And it really made me think.

Here is the abridged version of the story. There are some not so flattering pictures of me on Facebook. I consider them not flattering because my hair is a much different color than it is now. Clearly I am totally going to out myself here, but no, the brunette is not natural. Honestly, I detest my natural hair color (on me). Mr. Google confessed that he discovered the pictures of me on Facebook and said that he thinks I look beautiful either way.

Honestly, I am not sure if I believe him. Actually I am quite positive I don't believe him. And it's not just because I personally don't like my natural color it's because I don't know many people that like it either. Sure, I can entertain the idea that he truly thinks I look beautiful either way, but as a good friend of mine put it (while telling me I should never stop being a brunette) "Jessica, you look more interesting as a brunette" (and I couldn't agree more).

Now, before you go crazy on me here let me just say that I am not trying to sound like one of those women that is complaining about the way that a man compliments her. We aren't talking about the difference between calling me pretty versus beautiful or saying I look fine as opposed to magnificently wonderful. Any guy can call me pretty all he wants or tell me I look fine, really. And honestly, this post really doesn't have anything to do with Mr. Google per se, but it's really just about the need to over compliment in general.

You see, there is a difference between giving a genuine compliment versus giving a compliment just because you feel it's what you should say. That is something I am not a fan of in anyway. Call me crazy but when a guy compliments me I want it to be genuine. Honestly, that is the only way a compliment really means anything to me. After all, if a compliment is fake then it's not really a compliment.

Don't get me wrong here, I am not saying that a man should insult me or that he just shouldn't compliment me at all. Actually I pretty much have a no insult sort of policy and compliments are always appreciated (yes, I did thank Mr. Google).

There is a huge difference between over (or fake) complimenting and insulting. If a man says that you look nice in everything that you put on at any given time and that you never annoy him then that is over complimenting (actually that's borderline exaggeration). On the other hand if he says that you are ugly and stupid then that is an insult. Pretty distinct difference here.

I am also not saying that a guy should point out all my flaws every chance he gets. No one really likes that sort of thing. Actually, that's kind of borderline insulting which we've already established is a no-no.

The fact of the matter is that I don't look good in everything. Actually there are some things that I look down right horrendous in. And I am not always the most fabulous person to deal with. I am grouchy sometimes and over opinionated. Those things make me human and they are allowed to bother a guy once in a while. Even more, he is allowed to be honest about them once in a while. Wanting to date me doesn't mean a guy never notices those things it just means that he likes me in spite of all of my annoying traits. It may even mean that all my crazy not so perfect moments attribute to the fact that he thinks I am pretty fabulous.

I don't think it's bad when a guy admits I annoy him. Likewise, I don't think it's bad to admit that the blue shirt looks better on me than the red shirt. Correct me if I am wrong, but women do it all the time to men. Let's be honest here, you don't always buy him a shirt while you are out shopping just for the hell of it. Sometimes you buy it so he will stop wearing the same holey t-shirt every time you guys go out. In other words, if women can do it why can't men? That only seems far to me and I am all about playing fair.

Admitting my flaws out loud doesn't mean that I am not the most beautiful woman in the world to a guy and it doesn't mean he wants to be with me any less. Honestly, knowing that he can accept and openly admit that I have flaws just makes a compliment seem all the more genuine. And when a guy says something he truly means, especially if it's a compliment, then that is one of the most fantastic things in the world.

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3 Comments

Deanna Leigh said:

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Such a sticky one!! I've had guys who have admitted that they stick with compliments when first getting to know a girl, so as to not sound shallow or to keep every positive. Which is super nice in theory, but in reality you should like me for all aspects of me including my flaws? Right? So, then I agree that honesty in all areas is really needed to grow a good solid foundation.

Jessica Downey said:

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It is totally a sticky subject. Being nice is definitely always a good thing. I just don't think it's realistic to absolutely adore everything about a person. That seems fake or like maybe the person isn't really paying attention to who you really are. Thanks for the fabulous comment!!

Something She Dated said:

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This is one of those situations where silence is definitely golden.

Dear Boys,
When you don't have something authentic to say...don't say anything at all.
XOXO SSD

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