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When the ex comes back around, part 2

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Young Man with Cell Phone

When I last left off I confessed that I responded to Mr. BST's text. I kind of feel that before I can really go into my response and all of the events over the past few days that I need to explain exactly what happened when I first met Mr. BST. That is, the important parts anyway (it's kind of a long story). It's pretty important to understand my frustration with this whole situation and why I feel it is necessary to shut him out of my life.

As I said before I met Mr. BST seven or eight years ago. We met and dated for a few weeks until one day he told me he wasn't ready for a serious relationship but wanted to be friends (lamest excuse in the book, I know).

So friends we were. Friends that ended up spending the night together. Friends that ended up having sex. Friends that somehow ended up falling in love. I think at the time I thought that we were really trying to be just friends. But now that I look back on it I am not sure we even tried at all.

Mr. BST always made it seem like I was the girl he wanted to be with but he just wasn't ready for a serious relationship. Though he would pursue plenty of other girls and he was always open to a relationship with them. They always seemed to get what I wanted - the flowers, the real dates, the PDAs. And he seemed to want them regardless of the type of person they were.

The girls he pursued were always different from me. They were all very petite and skinny and well, I am definitely not. I am 5'10 and I am not positive how to label me - plus size, thick, curvy, big - whatever (at that time I was even bigger than I am now).

I often sort of noticed Mr. BST never really liked to touch me in public. I mean even when we first started dating he never really acted like I was the girl he was actually dating. Part of me always wanted to believe it was because we always seemed to end up hanging out with his friends and family so maybe he just wasn't ready to explain who I was. But still something didn't seem quite right.

I actually remember one time that he came over to my place with his step brother. He barely even wanted to sit next to me on the couch. But then his step brother left with my roommate to go get some food and Mr. BST was all over me. That is until his step brother came back, then it was back to not sitting near me on the couch.

At some point I kind of felt that the reason he didn't really want to date me was because I wasn't skinny. Actually, it almost seemed like he was embarrassed of the idea that he was attracted to me.

Then one day he confirmed all of my suspicions when he told me that he would date me if I was 5'2 and 110 pounds. He literally said that, though it was more meant figuratively I am sure because that was the kind of body type he wanted - short and skinny. Not that I am in anyway excusing what he said.

I totally understand that people are attracted (or not attracted) to certain things. I don't expect every guy to be attracted to me and clearly I have meet my fair share that haven't been. But the fact of the matter is, Mr. BST was attracted to me. And I have to tell you it's a whole lot easier to know a guy is just not attracted to you than to know one is but he is just ashamed of letting people know.

Honestly, I won't ever understand why he didn't just leave me alone. I mean if I am not the girl you want then walk away. Isn't that what most people do? But that's the key here. I firmly believe he wanted me but he just didn't like that I didn't fit into his mold of an ideal girl.

It was miserable and I hated the way the whole situation made me feel about myself. Feeling like second best is never a good feeling. And I know that I let a lot of it happen but the truth is, I will never understand what was so shameful about being attracted to me.

Shortly after he confessed why he wouldn't date me I ended things with Mr. BST. Which in turn started a random off and on thing. Little did I know that nearly eight years later we would be in exactly the same situation and I would be trying to shut him out of my life. Which brings us to present day....

I have to confess here because I didn't save our first round of texts (yes there were several rounds). Essentially there was some small talk about how we were both doing . I asked him what he wanted and why he was texting me and he said that he hadn't talked to me in a while and really missed me. He also told me that so much had been going on that he wanted to tell me but it was too much to text.

Two days later, he still hadn't found the time to actually tell me all of these things he supposedly wanted to tell me. This has always been a problem with Mr. BST. Anytime he ever wants to talk to me he is too busy to actually do it. I get that people are busy and all but I mean if you have stuff to tell me then shouldn't you be able to find time to actually do it? At one point I just came out and asked him "does this have anything to do with the fact that you're engaged".

He said that he was engaged but isn't anymore. Apparently he decided he wasn't ready for marriage so he broke off the engagement, but they are still together. Though, according to him, she is not too happy about the situation and he thinks she might end things.

Now, I can openly admit that maybe Mr. BST was just checking in to see how things were but it seemed a little weird to me that he felt the need to tell me all of this. I don't know specifically how many times he has tried to text me since February since he has been blocked but I do know that he hasn't been blocked for the past couple of months. So, yeah, definitely seems weird to me that his engagement ends and suddenly he feels the need to tell me something.

So I asked him "why are you telling me all of this?" And he said that he just wanted to talk to me and see me.

To which I responded "We've tried being friends that doesn't work. And you know we can't see each other without being physical."

He then said "Well how would you feel about that?"

And my response was...

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