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There is an exception to everything

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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I have always been the woman that can totally separate sex from feelings. I understand that people you are having sex with don't always care about you and that you don't always have sex with people you care about. Let's all be honest here, no matter how bad it might sound, sometimes people are just there for simple pleasure. It might be wonderfully blissful mind blowing pleasure, but never the less, it's just pleasure. I also understand that sometimes the line between sex and feelings can get a little blurry which is something that has caused me a little trouble in the past.

There was once a guy that I had this insane crush on but it became evident to me that the feeling was not mutual so I pretty much closed the door on the idea of dating him. As we spent more time together, we managed to become awesome friends. Until one night we engaged in a pretty heavy make out session that turned into two years of fooling around during which I took his virginity.

Our friends with benefits situation worked fairly well and we had a lot of fun. That is, until one night he came over and after we were done with our little romp I didn't want him to stay the night. Apparently this seemed to bother him quite a bit and it caused a huge fight and he stormed out. Later he confessed to me that he had this insane crush on me and always had.

We tried dating but it was a mess and we never really seemed to get it right, though we kept on messing around. This continued until well after I moved to Chicago and then suddenly I didn't hear from him for a while. A little while later, I saw him online and sent him a message. His response was that I was a bitch and he no longer wanted to talk to me. I later found out that he was getting married. Technically, I will never know the truth behind his desire to end our friendship, but I am pretty sure it had something to do with that whole messing around thing.

It's really hard to maintain a strictly platonic friendship with someone you have had sex with, especially when you meet someone you want to seriously date. And especially when that "platonic" friend took your virginity. Frankly, it really sucks losing a friend that you legitimately cared about just because you had sex with him. So I learned a very important lesson and vowed not to have sex with my friends or to let the line get too blurry with guys I have sex with.

I have to give myself a little pat on the back because I truly feel like I have done a pretty good job of doing just that. Though, I kind of hate to burst my own bubble here, but I have recently discovered that sometimes someone can come along and shoot all your lessons and vows to hell.

Not that long ago, I met this guy who I was completely and utterly smitten over. If you know me, you know that I am kind of tough about all the icky love stuff. Sure I have met guys and totally crushed on them after a date or two but smitten is an entirely different story and it rarely happens that fast.

Our relationship (which is a term I would use rather loosely) became physical incredibly fast but it didn't even bother me. We just have this intense physical connection, it's magnetic and I can't keep my hands off of him. I can openly admit that what we have is pretty much just physical but there are times that I confuse the physical stuff with an actual connection. It seems like the physical thing we have is so intense that it almost creates this false sense of feelings which is something I am not at all used to.

I still firmly believe that I am the woman who can separate sex from feelings, I mean this is just one guy who this seems to be happening with. So I don't feel that totally blows the whole theory but just makes him the exception. And there are exceptions to everything, right?

I believe it is totally possible to understand the separation exists but know one person that completely defies the whole thing. Maybe that is the case with this guy which means it could be really dangerous to be around him. But then again, maybe he is not the exception but there is actually something more than just physical attraction there.

It's a slippery slope, but I think that time will only tell and I can openly admit that I am playing with fire, but I still think it is far better than just totally giving up and missing out on something. And, if nothing else, I am genuinely having fun and as long as he is not holding me back from anything then what's the harm?

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2 Comments

Crown said:

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You take dude's virginity and want him to leave after you romped. Then, he feels dejected, sends hostile email saying he's moved on to try and make you jealous? What a puss. That is awesome you asked him to leave. Total gender role reversal.

Jessica Downey said:

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Thanks for the comment though that isn't exactly the way it happened. This all happened over a span of years. His response that he didn't want to talk to me had nothing to do with him feeling rejected. As the post says, we tried to date after I didn't want him to stay the night and continued to be freinds (and mess around) for quite some time after that. I also wouldn't say he is a "puss". People feel different things in different situations and there is nothing wrong with that.

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