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Sometimes you are just not the right (nice) guy

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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There is something I have kind of noticed a lot lately in some of the guys I have been meeting. A lot of them seem to have this whole "I am the man" kind of attitude about them just because they think they are a nice guy. I guess just being nice should be enough and apparently I am a total ass for even questioning if I want to date them.

Now, wait a second here, because I know what you are probably thinking. I am not advocating anything against dating nice guys here. So let me make it clear here that I am not saying that a woman should choose a bad boy over a nice guy. Rather, I am saying that a woman shouldn't want to date a man based solely on the fact he is nice. There is more to dating and a relationship than that.

Here's the thing. A man can be the nicest man I have ever met but the fact of the matter is that if I don't want to date the guy then I don't want to date the guy. And I don't feel that any woman (or man for that matter) should have to convince themselves to date anyone. Dating should be a pretty natural thing that just happens, as corny as that may sound.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that nice guys finish last at all here. In fact, I don't really even support that theory because it's never made sense to me. There are many reasons that a woman might not want to date a nice guy that have nothing to even do with the fact that he is nice. It could be that the woman is not physically attracted to the guy or maybe their personalities just don't click well together. And even still, they both could just have completely different life goals. It's not that the woman is ending it because the guy is too nice but just because she doesn't feel they fit together as a couple.

Sure, I will admit that once upon a time I had a little bad boy fetish, but that was when I was younger (much younger). As we grow up and learn what we want and how we should be treated we tend to leave that fetish behind us (well, most of us anyway). I will admit that I still want a guy that has a little bad boy in him, but he still needs to be nice and treat me well.

I am also not saying that there is anything wrong with being a nice guy because obviously there isn't. Cleary a guy should be respectful to a woman he is dating. He should be supportive and caring. And maybe even buy her a flower or two.

Obviously a guy should be confident that he is a nice guy and he should want a woman to see that side of him. But there is a difference between confidence and cockiness. Just being nice doesn't mean that you are every woman's dream man. That whole nice thing only gets you so far and if there is nothing else there then it is really hard to have a future. The fact of the matter is that some women still won't want to date you and that is perfectly fine.

All I am saying here is that there should be more to a relationship than just the fact that you are a nice guy - like physical attraction, common interests, common goals, and so on. There is no reason to lay into a woman with the big speech about how she doesn't really want a nice guy because that's not always the case. Sometimes she really does but you just aren't the right nice guy for her. After all, if a woman is dating a man she doesn't really want to be with just because he is nice to her doesn't that make her just as bad as a woman who just goes after bad boys for the thrill of it?



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Crown said:


I hate girls that are cocky about being nice too! That's why I like extremely submissive girls. They aren't so confident in how sweet they are; they're nice to me but don't brag about it. I also appreciate a woman that is scared to look her man in the eyes; there's something traditional and endearing about that quality.

EllP said:

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"I also appreciate a woman that is scared to look her man in the eyes."

Sure there are women that are cocky about being nice as well, but I personally think saying that there is an appreciation for "a woman that is scared to look her man in the eyes" is a little harsh. I mean, that seems more fear-induced and scary. lol.

Jessica Downey said:


I agree, there are also women that are cocky about being nice. And I totally agree, not looking her man in the eyes is a little creepy.

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