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Sometimes I am busy (Part 2) - I don't respond to threats

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

 

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Dating is frustrating (I am pretty sure I have said that before) and more often then not things don't go the way you want them to. Sometimes I think Saturday would be a great date night but the guy isn't available until Sunday. Sometimes I like guys that have no interest in me at all. And more often than I care to admit, I want what I can't have. We've all been there, but it's life and you have to deal with because let's face it there isn't really anything else to do about it.

I came back to the city earlier this week. Actually I came back a day later than I thought because there was a little mishap with the train schedule. Needless to say I was tired, a little cranky, and was really just ready to be home. Of course Mr. Doesn't Understand That I am busy that I talked about in my previous post started in with his spiel about how he really wants to meet me and so on.

Keep in mind here, that this was like Wednesday, the day after I came back into town. I was already annoyed and I was thinking about all the things that I needed to get done since I was a day behind. My original plan was to go play some trivia with some of my awesome blogger friends but I was actually starting to reconsider that. It's safe to say that night wasn't really the best option to meet up with him.

So he started in with his spiel and wanted to know what I was doing that day or later on that evening and I think he even mentioned something about being downtown in a few hours. Honestly, that was all just a little too much for me. I was not ready for him to start in with his pushy antics to try to get me to meet him. And his overflow with questions and attempt to let me know he was available just rubbed me the wrong way. So my response was something about how I didn't know exactly when I was free.

Now, I will openly admit that this probably wasn't the best response and maybe it was even a little bitchy. I realized this after I said it so I was going to sort of smooth things over by suggesting a time this weekend that we could meet. That is until he followed with a little comment about how I should know that he is dating which frankly irked me to no end.

Honestly, I am not really sure why it annoyed me so much. It could be that I was already annoyed by this guy from his overly aggressive (and borderline obsessive) attempts to meet me. I am not attracted to obsessive guys, you know, the ones that want to be with you or talk to you every second of the day. When a guy shows signs of this then it's a pretty big red flag to me. Plus, anyone that knows me well, can tell you that once I start to get annoyed with a guy my level of interest starts to fade. Obviously when you are first getting to know someone all you have to go on is the way they present themselves to you. If a guy seems to annoy me more than anything else or if there are too many red flags, it becomes evident that it's pointless to continue. It's really just a waste of my time as well as his and continuing just makes me a jerk.

It's likely that any new guy I start talking to is going on dates with other girls. In fact, I think that's pretty common knowledge. Just don't use it as a way to coax me into going on a date with you. What kind of guy wants to date a girl like that anyway?

Ultimatums and threats seem more like something you give to a child if they didn't make their bed not something you use to talk an almost 30-year-old woman into going on a date with you. Frankly, I really don't think that ultimatums belong in dating at all. I kind of feel if you have to threaten someone with something to get what you want then it's really not worth it.

I almost feel like this comes across with a little Mr. Joe Cool kind of cockiness. As if he's letting me know that he's this extremely desired guy so obviously there are tons of girls crawling all over him. We've established that I am not into making people jealous in order to get a guy to ask you out so the same kind of rule applies here. I am not a fan of games and I am definitely not a fan of arrogance.

Part of me kind of feels like a jerk or like I am being too picky, but I really don't think that's the case here or with me in general (I am definitely not picky). I just feel if a guy does too many things in the beginning to totally turn you off then what's the point?

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2 Comments

Something She Dated said:

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Okay so normallly...I would advise...to still go on a date with him...maybe he's:

Nervous
Inexperienced (but has potential)
New to dating (see above)
Awkward (and hey can I relate to that or what)
Is just spinning a bit because you're so awesome and he's really excited to see you...

But after my most recent dating experience (aka Twitter Guy)...I've come to the realization that some guys are just douches...which quite honestly for my purposes (and possibly yours) is sort of fine (as long as not all of them are) except when their douchiness outweighs their good qualities (as they did with you know who)...sometimes a little douche is worth it...sometimes it's not...because you haven't really been regaling us with all these other qualities that would discount his loser behavior (which either means a. you're just not disclosing because it didn't fit with the theme which is fine or b. he doesn't have them)...

So in closing lol...if it's A. I say go for it still...one date can't hurt...but have a couple drinks or hit the gym 1st or do something to jump start the mood and ditch the cranky pants (suprisingly I'm in the same outfit as you right now ;P)...and if it's B. hit delete and block and carry on your merry way (or tell him why and then carry on your merry way)

Jessica Downey said:

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You are absolutely right. I wouldn't really say he's douchey and I haven't totally closed the door on him just yet. I just have a really hard time in situations like this. In my experience guys that are like this before meeting are usually the same (if not worse) after meeting and I am not at all attracted to guys like this. And I have totally "de-crankified" (totally made up that word) myself :).

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