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Sometimes I am busy (Part 1)

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Shadow of annoyed woman at computer

The fact that I tend to be a pretty busy girl is pretty well known to anyone who knows me. This is not a fact that I hide or sugar coat from guys when I first meet them. There are times when I don't have that much on my plate and other times when my plate is full everyday. I've always thought this is pretty normal for the life of a single woman in the city.

Now, before I go any further, let me make it clear that I genuinely try to make time for dating. And if I meet a guy I want to seriously date I will definitely make time for him in my life as well. But do I really feel the need to keep a few nights open just in case I get a date? Probably not.

With that said, obviously this can be a problem when I am trying to set up a first date with someone. As hard as I try, sometimes it's just not possible to set up something for a few days and in some cases it might have to even wait a week. I don't say that to come across as some kind of superficial bitch or to imply that my life is anymore important than anyone else's because I definitely don't feel that way. All I genuinely ask for is a little patience when this happens, especially when I am being upfront about it and when I would do the same thing if the situation was reversed.

A week or so ago I started talking to a guy from Plenty of Fish. This happened to be a couple of days before I had something going on pretty much everyday. Plus, I was also getting ready to go out of town for a few days to see my family. When we started talking he brought up the subject of meeting and I told him that I was crazy busy and we could meet when I was back in town after the fourth which he said was totally fine.

Well, over the next few days he asked me nearly everyday what my plans were for that evening and if I wanted to meet. He also threw in a few comments about how much he wanted to meet me, because clearly I couldn't figure that out for myself. I continued to tell him (over and over again) that I was busy and we could meet after the fourth. I am not a fan of repeating myself so honestly the whole thing started to really annoy me. Finally, I just told him that no matter how many times he asked me the answer was going to be the same.

Call me crazy but I figured since I already told him I was busy and he said it wasn't a problem that it was, in fact, not a problem. Sometimes I am busy and as long as I am being honest and it's within a reasonable amount of time, what is the big deal? It's not like I am asking him to be at my beck and call, I mean clearly I know that I am taking the chance that a guy could meet another girl. Though come on, it's just a week. If you can't relax for a week I am thinking we have much bigger problems here.

Do guys really want a girl that just sits around waiting for a date in order to have something to do? Doesn't that seem a little desperate? I have always been taught that guys are attracted to women that have their own lives. Sure, I know that not ever guy is attracted to the exact same thing but I thought that was a pretty standard thing. I happen to be a woman with my own life and I prefer to not to just drop everything because I meet a guy. Plus, there are things that I legitimately can't just drop (like seeing my family) even if I wanted to. And just as a little FYI here, most women want a man that has his own life as well.

If you told me you wanted to meet me and asked me when I wanted to meet, I am pretty sure that I understand that you want to meet me. There is really no need to continue to tell me over and over again. In fact, all it will do is one of two things which will greatly decrease the chances that I will even want to meet you.

  1. If you continue to ask me what I am doing later that day when I have already told you it's just going to make me think that you don't really listen to me. It also might make me think that you are just overly desperate to meet a woman and not really all that interested in meeting me. Neither of these situations will make me eager to meet you. Actually, it will probably just make me want to stop talking to you altogether.
  2. I'm not into guys that pressure me or that aren't respectful of my time. If you are like this already what's it going to be like when we are actually dating? Even if you sugar coat it with "sweet" things like how awesome I am and how much you want to meet me it doesn't really help your case any.

So bottom line is, relax a little. Patience is a virtue and will almost always do more help than harm.





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Something She Dated said:


When I first saw the title of this post and started reading I was getting prepared (aka bracing myself lol) for an oppositional view to that basically stands firmaly AGAINST men who attempt to date when they don't actually have time to...but's're just normal like me and running into retards like this's not even so much that you're busy...because clearly you have been able to find time for this guy...after the you said...and frankly I don't know what his deal is...though I'm starting to wonder if you've been using my POF account recently or something because he sounds exactly like all the guys I've been talking too (oops did I just reveal I'm back on POF after my little break heard it here first folks :P)

Jessica Downey said:


Haha! Your comments always crack me up. I am totally against people that say they don't have time to date as well. I personally think that you can make time for what you want to make time for, and you are right, I was making time after the 4th. If I hadn't been going out of town it would have been a different story. Honestly, I tend to have bad luck with POF. I'm not sure if OkC is much better but I have at least managed to find a few worthwhile guys on there. And I am glad you "outed" yourself on my blog!! :) I can't wait to read about your adventures on there.

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