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Guest post: So...do you want my phone number or what?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

It's time for another guy to guest blog on dating rules. This time we have a post from Dennis Frymire about that whole "you have to wait three days to call a girl" rule.

Woman offering piece of paper with her phone number

Jenna (her name has been changed for this post) and I were riding the Brown line north, having just met that Easter Sunday. We both had just spent 14 hours working as extras on a pilot for Fox television. We met in the last three hours, and hit it off.
 
"I would love your phone number," I said, pulling my phone out.
 
I called her the next afternoon, and we made tentative plans to go to Martyrs that Saturday to see whatever band was playing. Five minutes later, she sent me a text message, and we chatted back and forth that way for about the next hour.
 
Welcome to dating in 2010.
 
Jenna and I broke so many supposed "rules" in arranging our first date.
 
1. She offered me her number. It's a good thing she did. I'm notoriously shy when it comes to matters such as these. (But that's a topic for another post.)
2. I called her the very next day. The rule seems to vary on this. It usually falls somewhere between two to three days. I've heard two days is optimal: one day makes you appear too eager, and if you wait three, she may think you're not all that interested, or she might lose interest herself.
3. She began texting me without first asking if I had a text plan. This is actually my own personal rule: I try to never send someone a text until I've made sure they do indeed have a plan. (You'd think everyone would these days, but I actually have a few friends that don't, and rarely do I have anything so important to say that I need to make those friends pay 25 cents a message to hear it.) But I do have a text plan. And I liked Jenna. So I didn't care.
 
It's a wonder that in our modern age of instant connectability - with cell phones and texting, E-Harmony and Match.com, Facebook and Twitter, personal blogs, (not to mention the wonderful and scary practice of cyberstalking via Google) - rules for initiating a potential dating relationship still exist. Probably half of my dates this past year started with a friend request on Facebook, after an initial in-person meeting at an event or party. Sometimes I made the first move; most times, she did. (Really, I am a big, big scaredy-cat.)
 
"Who's supposed to make the first move?"
 
"How long do I wait to call about that first date?"
 
Does anyone really, genuinely worry about these rules anymore?
 
Perhaps these are pertinent "rules" questions today:
 
"How long do I wait before I send a friend request?"
 
"On which date do I finally admit to cyberstalking them?" ('Cause, come on, we know we all do it.)
 
But no matter what do/don't/when questions you might be asking yourself, my general rule is this: If you're dating someone new, and you find yourself thinking a lot about "the rules" and how to proceed next, chances are, you're probably not really into that person.
 
'Cause when you meet someone new, and the two of you really, really click, I bet you're going to find yourself doing things you wouldn't usually do. But isn't that the beauty of a fun and exciting new relationship - finding yourself breaking all of your own supposed rules.
 
Not that I'm saying you should go all willy-nilly, getting so caught up in in your new romance that other aspects of your life suffer. I'm not saying don't have guidelines to keep yourself in check. Guidelines are okay.
 
Just don't get hung up on "the rules". Communicate with this fun, new person in your life, and the two of you make up your own rules as you go along.


Dennis is an actor, and performs several different places around the city. He's also a licensed massage therapist. You can read more from him at dennisfrymire.blogspot.com.

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