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Sometimes dating different types isn't really all that different

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

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Everyone knows by now that I am a huge advocate for dating all different types of guys. I genuinely feel that when you only date certain types of guys that you just limit yourself way too much and might miss out on something really fantastic.

Whenever a guy asks me what my type is I always answer that I don't have one because honestly I am not sure if I do. I tend to not get caught up in labels and honestly I want to focus on getting to know a person rather than worrying about what "type" he is. However, I have started to notice something lately. Even though I date a variety of guys they all seem to have one thing in common with each other - they're unavailable.

Now let me explain here. I am not talking about married guys or guys with girlfriends. That's something that is a huge no no in my book. In fact most of the time when I find out a guy is even dating another girl I back off. And I don't mean that I date those trouble maker bad boy types. I have been there, briefly when I was younger, and I don't feel the need to visit again. What I mean is I tend to date a lot of guys that seem to have no interest in actually pursuing a relationship with me.

Why do I do this? Aside from the fact that I seem to like torturing myself, there are a couple of different reasons.

First of all, I tend to be attracted to those super fun, outgoing, busy kind of guys. I am really outgoing so I guess it's only natural for me to be attracted to that kind of guy. The busy thing I am not really sure about. Maybe it's the fact that busy guys tend to be ambitious (though it depends on what they are busy doing). And it could also be that I am super independent and don't want to be with a guy that has to be on top of me every second of the day.

However, when a guy is too busy to schedule an actual date with me into his plans I'd say that's probably not such a great thing. Of course, this also generally means a guy is too busy to actually have a relationship which translates to total failure.

Second of all, I hate being judged. I have always been the girl that does things her own way and it's always made me feel a little different from the people I know. And let's face it when you are the one that is different sometimes that causes people to assume certain things about you. Of course, I am pretty sure some people just assume things regardless but that's a whole other blog. Obviously I find myself attracted to guys that don't judge me.

Here's the thing that about all of that though. There is the guy who doesn't judge you because he gets to know you, likes you and accepts you for who you are. And there is the guy that doesn't judge you because he really doesn't give a crap about you because he has no plans in pursuing anything with you. Clearly there is a huge difference between the two (and clearly I do a great job of meeting the latter).

So maybe even if you date all different kinds of guys there is still a chance that sometimes you still end up with the exact same type of guy over and over again. I guess you can say that just because it's packaged differently doesn't mean it's really all that different.

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2 Comments

Kerry Robyn said:

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I agree with you - I end up with the same type no matter what the outside looks like. Since I'm in the wheel of samasa with dating, I'm taking some time off to get some space with it. I also went for men who accepted me (because I'm "different"), but men who just accept you immediately usually have no standards in the rest of their life either. Small problem I overlooked.

Jessica Downey said:

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Thanks Kerry! Good to know I am not the only one that feels that way. And that is a great point about men that accept you right away. Taking a little dating break is a good idea sometimes (I've done it).

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