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Just because he's ending it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Man and Woman Talking in Cafe

Break-ups are tough. No one really likes to hear that someone they like doesn't want to date them especially when you think things have been going just fine. So why is it that when we are getting dumped that we tend to make things even harder on ourselves by picking at all of our little flaws?

When someone breaks it off you generally do one of two things. A) You go through his list of flaws and talk about what an ass he was in the entire relationship (something I will talk more about later). B) You wonder what is wrong with you.

After a break-up it's never a bad idea to try to reflect on the whole situation. Generally this leads to people wondering what went wrong, especially if you thought everything was going right. Coincidentally this is also where the problem usually starts. Suddenly the "what went wrong" turns into "what's wrong with me?" Before you know it you have a whole list of reasons that make you undateable.

We've all been there.

Now, when I say you go through the lists of reasons, I don't mean tangible reasons here. We've already established that guys don't like to date gold diggers, princessy type girls, and so on. Personally I say that if you are that type of girl you should use a break up as a little bit of self reflection.

No, what I mean are the little things. Maybe you think you're too fat or you aren't funny enough. It could be that you weren't adventurous enough or even something as little as your nose. Whatever imperfections you think you have suddenly become the cause of the break-up.

Well here's the thing ladies, just because a guy breaks up with you does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It really just means you are the wrong girl for him. There is a huge difference between the two.

If a guy thinks you are wrong for him, that simply just means that you don't possess the qualities that he is looking for. This is not, I repeat not, meant as an insult in anyway. The fact of the matter is that this is the way dating was designed. Imagine what it would be like if we possessed the characteristics that every guy in the entire world was looking for. Sure, I will admit, that might make dating a little easier but definitely not realistic.

Sure some of your little insecurities might be why he dumped you, but it's still because that's not what he is looking for and not meant as a personal insult. Instead of focusing all your energy trying to figure out what's wrong with you go out and find a different guy. Move on. After all, this is just one guy right? There are millions of other guys out there.

Just a little FYI here as well. While I have never really heard of guys doing this during a break up, I am pretty sure there's a guy that does it somewhere. So I also want to set the record straight there as well. There is nothing wrong with you either. Unless of course you are a total douche bag.

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2 Comments

Bald Chi Guy said:

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This is right on the money.

I broke things off with a girl I was dating just this past Sunday. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. I can't say a bad thing about her. She's awesome. It's just that after the brand-new-ness of it all wore off, I realized there was very little chemistry there for me. Other than that lack of spark, she's awesome in every other way, and I kind of hate myself for not being able to have that for her. Only time will tell, but I do hope we'll be able to continue being friends...

-D

Jessica Downey said:

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Thanks Dennis! I always love your comments. Don't hate yourself too much. It's so hard when that happens and trying to explain it to the other person. I've had it happen and frankly, it sucks. I give you props for breaking it off, that's the right thing to do. Hopefully you guys can be friends.

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