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Guest post: Are you a relationship slut?

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I have talked a lot this week about break-ups, which is something that I am no stranger to. Actually, I am pretty sure it's something that most people are no stranger to. After all, I am not the only one that gets dumped right? And sure I have done my share of dumping too. So how do you handle it after the break up? Do you rebound, jump into a new relationship or flee the country?

Well, let me introduce you to guest blogger Gaynor Alder, a writer from Melbourne. She works at a magazine and also has an awesome website called "The Modern Woman's Survival Guide". From her own words "think Bridget Jones meets Sex and the City", which I believe is just plain fanstastic.

Here she gives us all a little insight on how to handle things, mainly when you are faced with the idea of jumping from one relationship to the next.

Petrified of being alone, some women jump straight from one relationship to another, without taking the time they need to heal. The problem with being a "relationship slut" is that you end up hauling baggage with you and inevitably dumping it on the next person.

 

Inevitably, if you haven't worked through your relationship issues, you will just keep repeating them with other people. It's like you are trying to put your foot down on the accelerator to escape the pain of the last relationship, but you have a trailer full of junk that is weighing you down, and the wheels are just spinning in the dirt and you are going nowhere fast.

 

After a relationship breakdown, it's important to take time out for yourself. I'm not talking about joining the convent or staying single forever, but taking the time to learn from what went wrong and repairing your self esteem.

 

If you find that you are attracting the same kind of toxic relationship over and over, then it could be time to get some counseling, so that you can break free of what is standing in your way of having a happy and healthy relationship.

 

Being single doesn't have to be a prison sentence - in fact it can be downright fabulous!  Sure, when you first break up with someone it isn't much fun, in fact it plain sucks, which is why you usually find yourself on a first name basis with the young boy behind the counter at the liquor store (you know you might need to stop drinking so much when he remembers your order and says "see you again tomorrow"). But, just as you will eventually stop consuming your entire body weight in liquor, the pain will pass too.

 

Then comes the fun part - I promise. You start dating yourself. What, date myself? What the hell do you mean by that? Start treating yourself like a princess. Do nice things for yourself. Buy yourself flowers. Get to know yourself, really know yourself.  Try new things. Take yourself out on a Saturday night with friends. Go to the movies, theatre shows or a club - because, yes you can have fun without a man in your life, and more importantly this is the time to spend with yourself. Building yourself, being happy with yourself and loving yourself.

 

You deserve the best, and in order to attract the best you must feel strong, confident and happy. It may sound cliché, but when you are happy on your own, and enjoying life, you are more likely to meet someone, and the right someone at that.

 

Instead of being desperate to meet someone and buying the first thing off the shelf and settling for less than what you're worth, you'll be in a position of strength to wait for the right person. You're having so much fun on your own, that you're not going to stop for anything less than special.

 

You're more discriminating, because you know what you want and what you don't want. You've taken the time to develop some standards for yourself, because you've learnt to like who you are and with this comes the realisation that you don't have to put up with anyone who doesn't fully respect you.

 

When you do enter a new relationship with someone, you won't dive in so fast, prior to getting to know them properly. You won't stay in a destructive relationship either, because you know that you can be happy on your own, and you don't need to bridge the gap of loneliness with a relationship.

 

In essence, taking time out between relationships will help you to grow as a person, attract better people and make better choices in relationships. So stop hopping from one bad man to the next, because the only baggage you want to be carrying is Louis Vuitton. 

 

© Copyright 2010 | Gaynor Alder


Gaynor Alder is a Melbourne based writer, with a penchant for vintage glamour and all things Parisian. When not working as a Beauty Editor, Columnist or Media Manager, you will find her penning her thoughts and day to day adventures at "The Modern Woman's Survival Guide" (think Bridget Jones meets Sex and the City). You may even get a sneak preview of her book, but that all depends on her mood - a direct reflection of the state of her hair on any one day.

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