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Breaking up is hard to do, but just do it already

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Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

Sad Woman Turning Away from Man

I had a conversation with a friend the other day who was about to end things with a girl he was seeing. He said he wasn't really sure how to do it and that the whole situation was making him feel like a total ass. Which we all know really made me think and thinking leads to writing and here we are.

So, tell me something here. Why is it that guys feel like such an ass when breaking up with a woman?

Ok, sure I know that there's the whole feelings thing. I mean no one really likes to hurt anyone's feelings. And obviously when you are breaking up with someone that is into you, well, that will probably hurt their feelings (gee thanks Ms. Obvious).

Here's the thing though. Breaking up with a woman does not make you a jerk. Yes, I said it and just in case you didn't hear me the first time, I will say it again. Breaking up with a woman does not make you a jerk. Honesty is always the best policy and no one can fault you for being honest. And yes, sometimes we really want to hate a person for not liking us back. Though let's face it, you really can't because there is really no reason to hate them.

Sure, I know that many women might say you are a jerk; that's something that I definitely won't deny. Though I will let you in on a little secret (and I am totally sorry ladies for letting this one out). When women call you a jerk based solely on the fact that you are breaking up with them, that's just what they say to make themselves feel better. No one feels good when they are being dumped and you obviously don't want to sit around thinking about how the guy was just plain awesome. So it's only natural to say something negative.

So when a woman calls you a jerk or says you aren't good enough for her it's really just a defense mechanism. It's all face saving sort of behavior which should never deter you from actually breaking up with a woman. Plus keep in mind that men do these things during a break up too. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase "oh well I wasn't really that into you either" or had my "integrity" questioned merely for breaking it off with a guy I could probably pay my rent for at least an entire year. Ok wait, that might be exaggerating (that's a lot of money) but I could at least buy myself dinner.

However, I must say this. If you factor in all these things and keep dating the woman so you won't be the bad guy you are actually doing yourself a huge disservice. Breaking up with a woman you are not interested in is actually the respectable thing to do. On the other hand, continuing to date her knowing full well that you don't want a future with her is totally disrespectful. In fact, it's pretty selfish and this type of thing is actually what makes you the bad guy.

No woman wants you to date her out of pity or because you don't have the guts to end it. Women only want a guy to date them because he is actually interested in them and that is the only reason you should ever date a woman. So if you find yourself no longer interested, do yourself (and the woman) a favor and suck it up and just end it already. Trust me, the woman will thank you in the long run. And actually, I am pretty sure you will thank yourself.

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