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Is this a desperate man?

Jessica Downey

Coffee addict. The serial single girl. Jessica will give you the what’s what on single life and dating in Chicago.

I had a casual e-mail conversation with a guy from Plenty of Fish and we ended up on the subject of being desperate. Actually I think it's fair to say we kind of started a debate about it because never in my life had I heard the things he was saying.

This was actually our first conversation. I don't mean the first e-mail conversation, I mean this is the first exchange of words entirely. He went on and on about what a great girl I am, how much he liked me and how he was really interested. Long story short, he decided that he wanted to meet and asked me what I was doing that weekend. I thought about it but I was legitimately busy that weekend, plus I was kind of leery for two reasons:

1.) He suggested meeting at a place by O'Hare. We established that he was in the city. So wait a second here if you are in the city and I am in the city why are you suggesting we travel all the way out to O'Hare to meet?

2.) Usually, I like to have a couple of conversations and generally like to get off the internet a bit before actually meeting. I am definitely an open minded woman who isn't fearful about meeting guys off the internet. However I am also a smart woman and there is this whole idea of having personal safety that I kind of like. Plus, as I already said, this was the first time we had ever had a conversation of any kind.

So, that was pretty much my response. Minus the long drawn out explanation of each point. I suggested we talk on the phone and even said maybe we could make plans for the next weekend. His response made things a little interesting.

He suggested that I talk to him as much as I could over the weekend and then set up a time to meet if I was happy with the conversations (wow). I am not sure how to take that suggestion there to be honest. Essentially he told me that he feels if something is meant to be that it will happen within a few days. Also that I should be able to put him on my priority list and open up 30 minutes to meet with him. Funny since he suggested going out to O'Hare. I am thinking it would take me at least that to get there.

All of this started to fuel my curiosity about his whole theory and I asked him what about a girl that is out of town. I mean clearly people travel to places, right? He informed me that this is the exception. Though, why would they wait since there are plenty of other quality people to meet and spend time with? According to him, if a woman cannot meet right away, a man will not just wait around for her. Apparently a man that waits for a few days is not a quality guy and is completely desperate.

Sure, there are little parts of this that I can agree with. Honestly, I could go on and on about my thoughts about this but, here is the abridged version:

A guy that is desperate is going to try to meet whatever woman he can, he won't wait around for the woman who piqued his interest. He will tell you he is interested to try to impress you but then if you can't meet when he wants to he will move right on to the next woman on Plenty of Fish (or any other dating site) until he finds the one that agrees to meet him. This guy is not interested in meeting you, he is interested in meeting a woman, any woman. Which, correct me if I am wrong here, seems a little desperate.

Now, I am not talking about the woman that is giving you the run around and expects you to be at her beck and call. You know, the woman who expects you to wait forever while she goes on her other 35 dates from all those internet dating sites. Then, when those don't work out she calls you and expects you to still be waiting around to meet her. If you are in this situation, run immediately. Oh and I am also not talking about putting your entire life on hold to wait to meet her. I am talking about the woman that has the legitimate excuse (like being out of town), is showing an interest (wants to keep things going by talking on the phone) and has even suggested another time to meet. This in no way seems desperate to me.



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r_vance_b said:


i would only say the profile hopper is more desperate because he is 'casting a wide net' and taking whatever sticks. waiting a few days is gentlemanly and shows patience and dedication.

Jessica Downey said:


I would definitely have to agree with you there! Thanks for the comment.

TKM said:


Your example in this post maybe is more clueless as opposed to desperate...but that is just my opinion based on what I read...definitely lots of chatter before meeting in person...and who picks a place way out of the way for both? Why not something in the middle? Neutral ground for both, but not a pack a lunch to get there type place...

Jessica Downey said:


You could be right about the clueless part! I agree about the place, it should definitely be on neutral ground. Actually I think that's what totally threw me off.

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