All The Single Ladies

All The Single Ladies is moving

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If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I have been talking about an announcement over the past couple of days. If you don't follow me then get to it already. Well, the time has come to make my announcement (yeah, I know I kind of ruined it with the title of this blog).

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So your boyfriend (or girlfriend) still has a profile on an online dating site...

I've mentioned before about all of the other writers that I adore. Well that is why I am really excited to be involved in a fun new project with a large group of them.

Allow me to introduce the folks over at Met Another Frog, Alex of the Urban Dater, Feisty Woman, KB in NYC, Lena, Lucky Girl, Man Shopper, Mike Masters, Miss Melisa Mae, Nikki B, Simone Grant, Miss Taylor Cast, and Jackie Summers, who (along with yours truly) make up the members of The Insomniac Club.

Starting today, once a month, we will take one question and each post our thoughts on the subject. The goal is to open up dialogue and maybe even inspire a good healthy debate. Plus you might even discover another blogger to enjoy.

To keep up with everything just look for the hashtag #InsomniaClub on Twitter.

And now for the first topic:

You've just discovered you partner still has an online dating profile...

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It Just Hasn't Happened Yet book signing

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A few weeks ago I wrote about a book called It Just Hasn't Happened yet. The book by, Karin Anderson, Ph.D, totally blasts all the insane reasons people give us as to why we are still single. As you can tell by my review I am a total fan of the book.

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How about we...Actually go on a fun date

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One of the most difficult parts of online dating can be planning the first meeting. Sometimes it seems like a guy might want more of a chat buddy than an actual date. And you end up chatting for weeks and weeks before meeting, if you even meet at all. Picking a spot to meet can be even more difficult.

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Match.com releases new study on singles

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Recently a research firm conducted a survey for Match.com about the behavior of singles. They surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and I have to say that I found the results to be pretty interesting. Now, let me just say that I tend to be pretty skeptical of statistics. So I know that this doesn't mean that every woman or man out there does or doesn't feel this way but never the less, I found the findings to be interesting.

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Groupon sets the new Guinness World Records title for speed dating (and I was there)

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Last night Groupon set the new Guinness World Records title for speed dating at the Paris Club in River North. The original record was 313 daters at an even in Hoboken, New Jersey. In Chicago, there were 414 total daters at the event who participated in at least 20 three-minute-long dates. And I was lucky bachelorette number 166.
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Valentine's Day Schmalentine's Day

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I have to be totally honest here - I am really not a fan of Valentine's Day. There's actually quite a few reasons really. And, no, none of them have anything to do with the fact that I am single because when I have been in relationships around the holiday I have felt the exact same way. 

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Dating shouldn't be segregated

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Yesterday I received a less than flattering comment through the contact form on my personal website. And while I am not a fan of those comments because they are a total blow to the ego that is not technically what this post is about but it's important to mention because it made me think and it's largely what has inspired this post.

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Stop making excuses

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About a month ago I wrote a guest post on That Happened To Me about a date that I went on. As you can read in the post, the date was pretty freaking awesome and it was the first time in quite sometime that I really wanted a second date. I mean truly wanted to see the guy again. But, the second date never happened even though he pretty much planned the entire thing with me.

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Get a free 3-day VIP pass to Match.Com and Chemistry.com

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I talk a lot about internet dating and I know I talk a lot about the bad. But the truth is that it's a great way to meet a lot of interesting people. I also do know some people that have successfully met a person they want to date long term from the internet (I promise I am telling the truth, really).

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Dating advice I don't understand: Signs to tell he thinks you're the one

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I read a lot of stuff on the internet. Some of it is really awesome and some of it I don't really understand. I mean, I comprehend what it is saying but it just baffles me. Yesterday a friend sent me an article called "5 Signs He Thinks You're The One" which I believe was published earlier this month in Cosmo. This would be a perfect example of an article that baffles me. And I know I am a little late to the game on this, but I really felt like I wanted to share my two cents.

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Rejection from the internet

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I have to confess, if I go a certain number of days without receiving a message from a guy on a dating site I feel a little rejected. It's even worse if I log in and see that guys have looked at my profile but haven't sent any messages. As a side note here, I sometimes wonder if it's some sort of cruel joke that dating sites put that feature on the site. I mean, I get the benefits of it but I kind of hate it too.

So anyway, I feel rejected. And, I really hate that I feel that way and I hate even more that I am admitting it out loud because honestly the whole thing seems really silly to me. After all, can you really even call it rejection if you didn't actually hit on the guy in the first place?

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Should you make a guy work for sex?

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I read an article the other day and for the life of me, I can't find where it was that I read it but it talked about having sex on the first date and how it's too soon and so on. Clearly that is not really that uncommon of an idea, I mean I have read that in countless books and articles. But somewhere in the article it mentioned how a woman should make a man work for it. Coincidentally I have had conversations about this with a couple of guy friends I know lately so apparently there are quite a few people that share this belief. 

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I won't give up on dating

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This guy looks like he's done dating

Throughout my life, many people have told me that I am a very positive person. I can find something positive in almost any situation in life. And yes, I will openly admit that sometimes it's a little annoying, maybe even a little sickening but it's just the way I have always been.

Honestly, I have no idea where it comes from. Trust me, my life hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies. I have had my share of heartache, troubles, and what have you (we all have). It's just somehow I see the other side I guess. I see how things could be worse or how things will get better. No matter what happens, I see something that makes it seem like it's not the end of the world. Granted sometimes it takes me a couple of days (or years), but nevertheless I still see it.

I was reminded of this positive attitude in a conversation with a friend the other day. We were talking about dating and all of the annoying and frustrating things we have had happen to us during our million years of dating. He is tired of all the bad things that happen and all the excitement over dates/relationships that fail in the end. So his answer is to just give up. He wants to just stop dating. And he asked if I had ever thought the same thing.

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If you don't want a second date then don't talk about it it

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The last couple of dates that I have been on have been pretty good dates. Actually one date was pretty awesome and fabulous and you can read about my thoughts on all of that over here. At any rate, the dates were pretty good and I sensed that the feelings were somewhat mutual since each guy mentioned what we should do on our second date.

Well, here it is weeks later and I have yet to actually have those second dates.

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Online dating messages gone bad: Ima stick it in ur...

A few weeks ago, I received what I believe is probably the tackiest message that I have ever received on a dating site. I was actually debating on if I should write about it because honestly I am not sure if I can talk about the message without being crude. And while I like being a sarcastic and maybe even a little witty on this blog, I tend to steer away from crude. That is saved for drunken Wednesday night dinners with my friends, you know where it's not written for the entire world to see (sorry mom).

At any rate, I talked with some friends just after I received the message and they all thought it was a little hilarious and quite tacky as well but I still wasn't sure. Well then, when I logged into OkCupid the other day only to see that I had received the exact same message it became clear to me that obviously I needed to write about it. I mean clearly the OkCupid Gods were telling me that I needed to, right?

Here is the exact message:

Subject line: Blank (apparently you don't really need a subject for this sort of thing).

Message: ima stick it in ur ass

I guess he kept it simple and went straight to the point, right?

Now, the first time he sent me this message I thought - how does a person respond to that sort of thing? I mean should I thank him for being so willing to stick "it" in that area of my body? Really, thanks buddy because not every guy is that into that sort of thing so I am glad that you are putting it out there just to make things clear.

I guess since he is sending me the message again he wants to make sure to get his point across. I get it, really, it's loud and clear. Though I am mildly concerned here, I mean there are no pictures of my actual ass on my OkCupid profile, so how does he really know he wants to stick it there? Not that I mean to sound like I am insulting myself or anything (I happen to think my ass isn't half bad) but how do you really know what you are getting into here?

Then, of course, the thought also occurred to me that maybe he just sends this message out to mass quantities of girls on a daily basis. But frankly that thought kind of scared me a little so I had to stop thinking about it.

Then an even worse thought came to me. What exactly is he planning on sticking there? I mean it's implied and we can all guess what "it" is. But to be technical he doesn't specifically say so I might need a little clarification here just to be sure.

I get that some guys (and girls) are just looking for that sort of thing. And let me just say, for the record, that I find nothing wrong with that at all. To each his own. By all means, really. I also appreciate brutal honesty so I guess I should thank him for that. Clearly I would not want to be out to dinner with him and have him drop a line like that just before they bring us the appetizers. I mean, talk about awkward, really. Though really, couldn't you have just simply asked me if I am cool with casual sex like everyone else?

Plus, I kind of feel like that sort of thing should be more of a question. Shouldn't it? I mean unless of course we are fooling around and you know for a fact that I am into that sort of thing. But that's not something you can really get from a person's profile on a dating site. Then again there was also a time that I didn't know a guy could pick up that I looked like a girl who was DTF (link to post) from a dating site either. So clearly I am the crazy one that is missing something here.

Trust me, I am super open minded about poor messages on dating sites. But really, I think this goes a little beyond a message that just doesn't thrill me all that much. I honestly can't see how any person can sit down to write a message and think "this will get me a date (or laid)". Clearly it got my attention but not in any good way. So even if you were looking for just a little romp, you failed buddy really.

Moral of the story? If you send me a message like this, I can think of plenty of places for you to "stick it" that aren't anywhere near me or my ass.

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Book review: It Just Hasn't Happened Yet

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I've mentioned before (on more than one occasion) that as a single person I feel like I am constantly explaining why I am single. Whenever someone asks me I generally say something about how I haven't met someone who I want to be non single with yet. After I say this I generally feel like this should be enough but we all know that sometimes that just isn't the case. Instead the other person feels they need to give you advice and/or diagnose why you are single.
 
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I am dateless on New Year's Eve and I am totally okay with that

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So New Year's Eve is almost here - I've heard it's tomorrow, right? And I realized at some point this week that I won't have a date. I also realized that it didn't really bother me at all (read that as I realized that I don't really care).

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Singles go through life just like everyone else

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Single people are generally put into one of two groups. People generally think we are sad and frumpy and sit around feeling sorry for ourselves or they think we live the life of a rock star. You know, we go out and party every night and sleep with a different person every single night.

I have personally found that people in my life have labeled me more as the exciting party girl rather than sad and frumpy. I guess part of me should be glad because I guess I give off the vibe that I must lead a pretty fantastic and exciting life. But really, I am not all that excited about that.

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Guest Post: A little something about decorum

Today I have an awesome guest post from my dear friend Dave Sorrell, also known as @rookiephenom on Twitter. I really love guest posts from guys because sometimes (or always) it's nice to get a little perspective from them. Now, we all know that I don't think there every guy feels the exact same way about things, but still it's nice to get their perspective.  Anyway, here he is talking about a little something called decorum.

 

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Single Woman TV: Breaking up during the holidays

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Breaking up sucks. There is really no other way to put it other than that. Actually, I am pretty sure that I have said it once or twice so I am sorry if it sounds like I am repeating myself.

Breaking up also sucks around the holidays because, well, it's a little difficult to know exactly how to handle it. Should you stick around to make it through the holidays or is it better to just end it?

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P4A: Deborah's Place

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I 'm taking a break from talking about the life of the single girl in the city today so I can do my part and give a little back. This year I am participating in the Project For Awesome which means I get to tell you all about an organization that I truly believe in.
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Advice for a reader: Should you give up on online dating?

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A little over a week ago I wrote a little advice for a reader who was curious to know if a guy was into her. Well, that same reader wrote again to ask my opinion on something else she is curious about - is online dating really worth it?

It seems as though she's had her fair share of bad dates and failed relationships with guys she has met off the internet. There was even a guy who told her that he felt there could always be someone more interesting to meet since there are so many potentials online. So even though he might meet a really awesome woman, he still feels tempted to respond when other women contact him.

It seems as though she is feeling a little beat up and wonders if there is a purpose to this whole online dating thing or if she should just give up.

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Jewelry: The thing that always fits

I am a big fan of jewelry. Actually it's really one of my most favorite things to buy when I am purchasing a new outfit to wear. I think it comes from the fact that I have been 5'10 since I was in eighth grade and well, you try finding cute clothes when you are tall and live in a small town. Jewelry can add a little something to almost any outfit and you don't have to worry about what size any of it comes in.

I also believe it's great to have a variety of pieces to wear because you never know what kind of mood you will be in when you put on an outfit. Even if you have a standard piece of jewelry there might come a time when you want to mix it up a little. This is one of the many reasons why I am a big fan of buying jewelry pieces that you really love, even if you can't think of something you own that will match it.

Of course, jewelry makes a fantastic gift which makes my whole babble up there totally fitting for this time of year. If you're like me and still have people to buy for or still need to add a couple of wants to your Christmas list then you should head on over to ice.com. They have an amazing selection of some really amazing jewelry pieces. I saw a couple of gorgeous rings and several pairs of earrings that I am in love with (not that I am trying to hint or anything).

Treat yourself to a little gift. We all know I am a fan of dating yourself and if you date yourself then clearly it could be considered rude if you don't give yourself a little something this season, right?

And you there is no need to feel guilty because right now if you use the code FRNDS at checkout you will receive $20 off plus free shipping through December 31st, 2010. So with that savings you can get yourself something amazing and have a little left over to maybe even get a gift for someone else (because no one wants to be greedy and it's always fun to spread a little cheer).

Gallery sneak peek (10 images):

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Guest post: Oh the weather outside is frightful...

A few weeks ago I wrote a guest post for a website called Cupid's Pulse. Well, I am super excited because one of their very awesome writers has so graciously volunteered to guest post for my blog as well. This post comes from Erika Mionis who is a staff writer at Cupid's Pulse. Erika is a student in Arizona who hopes to pursue a career in journalism. 

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Advice for a reader: Is he that into me?

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I recently received an email from a reader asking for advice. She doesn't want me to share her entire email with everyone so I am just going to give you the gist.

She recently met a guy from an online dating site and they have been spending time together. However she is a bit confused due to the fact that he's openly admitted that he is divorced, meets other chicks from the dating site, and is really hung up on woman he met a few months ago who currently has a boyfriend. So she wants to know if he is interested in her or just wants to be friends.

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Internet dating can be so complicated

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I received a message today on OkCupid. I am not positive if I would consider it an online dating message gone bad because it's definitely not the worst I have ever read. However, I am not really sure how I feel about it and it raised a few interesting thoughts/questions.

Here is the exact message I received:

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Does your boyfriend have to be friends with your friends?

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I've always been the girl who wanted a boyfriend who was friends with my friends. And I don't mean they play nice together when we are hanging out. No, I mean actual friends. You know the kind of friends who actually know things about one another. Maybe even hang out together when I am not around.

Call me totally crazy, but that is how I felt. My friends are important to me, always have been and always will be. In fact, I even consider my really close friends to be part of my family. So I guess it just seemed normal to want a guy to be a part of that. I can openly admit that I have had second thoughts about a guy who I thought might not "fit in" with my circle of friends.

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Speed date holiday shopping event on December 2nd

Most people need to do a little shopping during the holidays. A lot of people wouldn't mind having someone to do that shopping with. And many singles wouldn't mind spending an evening meeting (and flirting with) new people. Well, the awesome news is that I just found out about an event that combines all of the above.

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Could you date a guy who still lives with his parents?

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I love Sundays. Generally they are a pretty relaxing day for me. I drink a lot of coffee and write a lot. Sometimes I read and just try to relax. Actually, I am even known to cook a meal or two on Sundays. Another great thing is that Sundays are usually a great day for television, which is where I get to admit to watching some of the really lame shows that I actually watch.

I tend to be drawn to MTV occasionally on the weekends. There is often a marathon of shows like True Life or Made and what can I say, I am a fan of those shows for the most part. Hey it's a little better than my addiction to Teen Mom.

At any rate, earlier today I caught an episode of True Life which was about people who lived at home with their parents. I am pretty sure it's a fairly old episode of the show, but it's one that I hadn't watched before.

On the show there was a guy who was 30-something and still lived with his mom. He openly admitted to being a mama's boy and said he just hadn't had the desire to move out yet. He also openly admitted that he's never had a serious girlfriend and that he thinks it would be a little difficult to bring a lady friend home to his mom's house.

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