To Fire Or Not To Fire?

We love celebrating our favorite teams when they win, and love to hate it when they underperform or lose. And we heap praise - whether it's deserved or not - on the coaches in a big way. Take Da Coach, for instance. He's built an entire merchandising empire off of the notoriety of one Super Bowl win. But we collectively let him off the hook for all those playoff letdowns with a squad that certainly should've at least gone to multiple Super Bowls, if not won a couple.

Heck, he's looming over me right now as I type this:

So why do we love the coaches that we love, and why do we love to hate the others? Is it really about jovial and funny press conferences and sideline bluster? Or is it about player performance and results?

It's a combination of both for Chicago sports fans. I mean, if Vinny Del Negro all of a sudden started wearing wacky fish ties a la Don Nelson, (editor's note: I just spent fifteen effing minutes looking for a picture of Don Nelson wearing a fishtie courtside. No dice. WTF, Internet?) we would a) be hella surprised and b) probably start liking him a little more. Is that rational? No. But it's who we are.

I'd like to propose the following rules of conduct for Chicago fans concerning clamoring for a coach's head. By all means, please add more in the Comments section.

1.  If a coach ever "loses his players", he/she should be fired immediately. It's hard to quantify the exact moment when that happens,
   

   Pictured: rule #1 on blatant display

   but it usually starts with a "team loudmouth"-type player spouting off in a postgame interview after an ugly loss. Then it creeps into on-the-court or -field or -rink performance...players noticeably dogging it in games. If it's just one guy (cough cough Milton Bradley) then it's probably the player's fault. But if that virus spreads...then that coach is no longer properly or sufficiently motivating his players. I thought the Bulls got to this point during that hellacious week in December when they allowed an opponent to tie his shoes during a live friggin' ballgame and also blew that 35-point lead. At home. To a ho-hum team. And it sure seemed like the Bears stopped trying during the first Minnesota game's second half and the entire Ravens game.
2. If the coach has shown him/herself to simply be substandard or overmatched compared to his/her peers, that coach should be fired.
   

   The only Christmas Special worse than the Reinsdorf.

   This takes a little bit more time to establish than your average beer-drinkin' fan would believe, though. When a pro sports franchise makes a decision to hire a head coach, by and large it's not just about picking a guy to call plays and answer questions at postgame pressers. It's about completely changing the culture of the unit. And change takes time. Not a whole heck of a lot of time, but certainly more than one year. That might be the only reason why the Bulls are giving Vinny leniency instead of the Reinsdorf Christmas Eve Special. It's also the reason why Bears fans aren't cutting Lovie any slack anymore. Shoot, we've got an entire blog dedicated to firing Lovie here at ChicagoNow!
3. If another well-established coach with a very strong history of success is suddenly available and interested AND your current coach's team is not performing up to expectations, then he/she should be fired to make way for that new coach. This is a tricky rule because it involves two subjective evaluations: how good is New Coach and how bad is Current Coach. We as fans make those evaluations all the time, but only a team's ownership's decision matters. Also, Cowher Cowher Cowher Van Gundy Cowher.

Add any more rules of engagement that you feel belong on the list. Tomorrow, the Multigenerational and Interspecies picks for the weekend's NFL Divisional Round!