Inbox Apocalypse 001

What do you think of Geo Soto's dramatic weight loss? Total roider or what? -Andrew, Lincolnshire

I don't know. Guilt-by-association, I get it. But I think putting down the bong is a much more plausible reason. Drinking and recreational drugs are a pretty major source of weight gain; quit doing them and the pounds will drop. Remember LenDale White's "no more tequila" diet? Dropped 30 pounds doing nothing else different. I actually think the media has gotten lazy now with this story angle on every baseball player whose physical appearance changes for better or for worse. Remember all that crazy bulls*** last spring when Ryan Theriot hit - GASP! - five home runs in thirteen days? OMG WTF BBQ RRRRRRROIDZZZZZ, oh wait, he only hit two more homers all season to finish with seven. I'm not saying "get over steroids", I'm saying "be smarter". 

Why wasn't Lovie Smith fired? It's called wasting thirty-five million dollars on replacing a guy you don't need to replace in order to pick up your dividend check as owner of the Chicago Bears. -Irish Sweetness, parts unknown

I'm not sure if that's a question directed at me or a misplaced comment from Da' Bears Blog, but I'll answer it anyway. Yes, I believe money was a bigger issue in the decision to retain Lovie Smith than Bears brass say. Yes, it would cost a whole lotta dough to bring in an entire new staff and pay out everyone else's salaries so they can stay home. Yes, that check is probably pretty big.

How are you going to feel when you get beat by your daughter in this year's NFL predictions? --Mark, Bolingbrook

Any other NFL postseason...I'd be turning in my man card. But this has probably been the least-predictable playoffs through the first 8 games since..er, last year. I can't find a single person on the Internet that's gone 8-0 with their picks thus far, and most "experts" lie in the 3-5 to 5-3 range. Of course, this means we'll get a predictable Colts-Saints Super Bowl.

You've referenced Tecmo Bowl a couple of times. Isn't that sort of an outdated football video game reference at this point? Madden's the bomb. Get with it. --Rick, Wicker Park

That's weird, I figured the Wicker Park hipster would like the throwback game ironically. Perhaps whilst drinking a PBR.

Rick.

I'm sorry, Rick, Madden is obviously and clearly a more complete football simulation. Probably the best video game sports franchise ever. But Tecmo came first. And you never forget the first time you keep your own stats on paper for a Tecmo Bowl season. And once Tecmo Super Bowl came out...well, you have to agree that it was/is the most influential sports video game of all-time. Unless you wanna argue Baseball Stars. Maybe only that.

On your tweets you seem like you're pretty much Team Conan. What do you think's going to happen with CoCo? --Brian, Elgin

Wherever he goes, he'll be rich and happy. So good for him. And I don't think Leno's numbers will ever recover to where they used to be, either. Basically, Brian, I'm mad that there are dudes and chicks sitting in offices in Burbank, California making seven-figure salaries that appear to be functionally retarded. Sorry, that was a tangent. Just check the graph, provided by a site that does great TV ratings breakdowns, tvbythenumbers.com.

Conan's opener is obviously driven by interest in the new show, and not his "real" average. But after the initial burst wanes, he's still beating Letterman. Then Michael Jackson dies and Nightline starts to beat both NBC and CBS in late-nights for the first time in a long, long while. Then in mid-September, The Jay Leno Show begins. Bye-bye lead-in, bye-bye some of Conan's A-list guests. Then in early October, Dave's affair(s) with his staff(ers) surface(s), and the curiousity bump hits The Late Show. They've been about even until the recent brouhaha, where Conan's numbers have (artificially) taken off.

The whole point of that breakdown was to show that a) NBC and Leno are lying when they say Conan's "failing", and b) they're lying. Also, Jay Leno's show was consistently losing in the early 90's until that fateful night with a post-whore Hugh Grant. These moments happen all the time in late-night TV, and even though Conan had a couple of pop-culture events work against his show, he was still competitive after only seven months.

This is supposed to be a sports blog, so I'll stop with this teevee-talk.

I don't know when Inbox Apocalypse 002 will happen, but any and all comments here on All Q'd Up or emails to alex_quigley@hotmail.com could be fair game for the next round.