Signed, Sealed, Delivered: A Letter to the Chicago Blackhawks


I've been chillin' quietly here in your room while you angrily shave in the bathroom and decided to write you a letter to tell you how frustrated I've been feeling lately.

Last night's loss against Los Angeles was tragic. Why do you have to go and make stars out of players and teams that are not nearly as talented as you?  I'm getting really tired of wearing myself out for games like that.

We are kings or pawns, Napolean once said, but I don't think that was meant to be taken literally...

Letting the Kings shut you out was just embarrassing.  At this point it's not even humiliating anymore because for anything to be humiliating, the situation has to be unjust. The situation is getting way too familiar and nothing was unfair about it.  I keep hearing you swear at the refs and your teammates, but that's not going to help. You've gotta get it together...

Do you want to be booed off the ice by your fans at home like I heard the Leafs were last night? My friend on their team told me even they scored 2 goals. Performing at close to the same level as the Maple Leafs is nothing to brag about.

I'm not sure what your fans could throw on the ice that would be the equivalent of Leafs fans throwing waffles, but it'll make you feel like a clown in an unfunny circus.  And let's not forget the sick feeling I got when I was in their Locker Room with you last year - I almost lost my edge. So, before things escalate to that point, sort yourself out and get back in the game like I saw you do versus the Rangers and the Red Wings. I know you have it in you, and I'm here for you but, there's only so much I can do.

My mind is starting to get numb and it doesn't exactly help when I hear you guys talking, saying stuff about not being able to wait for Golf season so this would all be behind you.  Don't forget how many times you reached out to me last Golf season.  You're going to miss me and the ice even though, most of the time lately, you've been throwing me around cuz you're mad that you lost.

I know I haven't been exactly perfect but I didn't mean to let you fall the other day; I'm just starting to feel dull and dizzy from the tensity in the Locker Room.  The heavy air is getting hard to cut, even for me; and if I have to witness Toews breaking another one of his sticks in anger I'll absolutely lose it.  Some of those poor sticks still had a long life head of them...

Now, I don't want to have to make ultimatums, but you better believe I will begin to fail you if you don't start showing that you care more.  The other day you were so gentle with me after winning and it made me feel sharp and perky again; it'd be nice if that happened more often so I wouldn't feel as worthless as I do right now.  I've been there for you through thick and thin this season and I refuse to be replaced that easily...  I'd hate for things to get weird between us but, I swear to the hockey gods, I will bring Quenneville into this if I have to...

So please, for both of our sakes, win tonight.




Your Right Skate.



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  • Well, they didn't,* this probably wasn't delivered,and unlike Mully asking who should they trade by 2 p.m. today, you don't seem to suggest anything concrete for Stan or Q to do.

    *The game was almost exactly the same as the Kings one, except they scored a power play goal. Maybe if their power play were not sponsored by a Venezuelan despot, it would do better.

  • All kinds of messages are delivered to this team, but nothing seems to be getting through. On paper, this team is stacked and technically should be an unstoppable force... so, regardless of any possible trade suggestions I could dream up, nothing is going to help unless they change their attitudes first. Plus, let's face it, Toews is their MVP and they're letting themselves suffer without him...

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