Finally, a subject I know something about. Acting smug. I return to a topic I've inflicted upon you previously, but am smug enough to do again.
I have not won the Stanley Cup, but chances are if I did, I would be smug about it. So I have no problem with a tolerable amount of smugness.
Good for a slack body, an enlarged heart and an frolicsome mind, much like one solid slug of Red Bull and Guinness. Like cholesterol, not all smugness is bad.
There are different strains of smugness. Mine is sorta crazy, run-amok smugness that really harms the smuggee more than the victimized smugger. Are you with me here? Pretty complex stuff, smugness. Sorry for the technical terms.
That brings us to Blackhawks president John McDonough, who hails more from the cookie-cutter smugness school. One smug fits all. One being his favorite number and I'll let you decide which one he loves best of all.
Having been acquainted with The Genius when he was working toward one goal with the Cubs, and finding himself skating in countless circles at Wrigley Field and finding one season much like the last 100 there, it does not surprise me he had one more swipe to take at former GM Dale Tallon.
To the victor falls the spoils of unchecked smugness.
This was an unwarranted lightning strike from a clear blue sky what with Tallon safely removed to the sunny climes of Florida, where pretty much one and all is predicting the Panthers to finish a very promising last and not be a threat for the defending champions.
In promoting GM Stan Bowman to vice president, it's permissible for a president that wants to praise his move to do so. But it's reprehensible for a president that wants to take a back-handed swipe at Bowman's predecessor that McDonough chose to fire for reasons never quite specified at the time.
Until now, that is. McDonough decided a year later to give more insight than he previously had into why Tallon had to go with a verbal one-timer.
"Stan is bright, he's poised, he's very analytical, he's not impulsive or reactionary at all and I think we need that," McDonough gushed in The Tribune.
OK so far. Permissible prattle. But here we go with the left jab.
"As an organization we needed to calm down a little bit," McDonough added, "and he's the right guy for that."
If you want to make your GM sound like Tylenol PM, OK by me. I have read most of Bowman's quotes, and believe me, I've been snoring soundly by the end of many of them and as calm as I've been since the dentist shot me with novocaine.
Tallon, I assume, was the opposite of Bowman: too jumpy, too impulsive, too reactionary, unbalanced and apparently unable to analyze data the same way McDonough wanted him to perceive it.
In other words, Tallon had the misfortune of being real and human, not a machine that has a tough time processing any real thoughts when questioned by reporters and is apt to spit out incorrect data ("no more moves necessary") when under computing duress.
As long as McDonough and daddy Scotty can hold his hand, the machine can process efficiently. Behind the curtain, as long as The Wizard is at the controls.
Bill Veeck would have hated a GM that comes from a line of automatons that began with Hal The Computer in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey. These fellas are quite unlikely to send a midget to bat any time soon, unless their wires somehow get crossed and Jay Blunk is ordered out for a faceoff.
Alas, for the old days, when GMs could be mavericks rather than accountants. It should be a job marked by calculated risk taking, not a hockey librarian with a penchant for thorough research.
There were days when Bill Veeck was half-smashed by lunch. Somehow, I wish those liquid lunches were on McDonough's agenda. It might stop him from his obsessions with the number 1 if he had to squint at an entire numbers chart.
"From Day One this organization has been defined, by change and that change continues," he also informed (lectured) The Tribune. "We have a unified philosophy that there is one Chicago Blackhawks. It's not a team operation seperated from a business operation. It's a very, very healthy synergy."
One big load of crap. Talk about your free publicity. The Tribune really should be charging McDonough for ad space if it intends to print that bushwa. They could use the money, according to what I see from their clamoring creditors.
Perhaps this was a stoic statement faxed to Tribune reporter Cris Kuc. Otherwise, I'm not sure how he could have written down that dead verse without laughing his ass off, which makes your pen shake and induces typos.
Training camp opens soon. 1 Training Camp for 1 Chicago Blackhawks team that has their 1 Goal (1+1 if you will) and 1 salary cap and endless explanations for why Tallon had to be stopped before he impulsed again--and was replaced by an adding machine with a more predictable future.
Maybe this is the wave of the future. 1 Big Bore. But since they got 1 Cup for now, there is no stopping this 1 Train Of Thought. Choo, choo.
Filed under: 2010 offseason
Tags: Blackhawks, Dale Tallon, John McDonough, NHL, scotty bowman, Stan Bowman, the tribune
Great column to fire us up again Mike. I consider myself "smugged."
Really? "From Day One this organization has been defined, by change and that change continues," Let's not forget it was Pully and Bill Wirtz, 2 of the most boring sound biters, running that organization that never changed. I guess they're back in the form of McD and the Bowmans.
The Hawks are okay as long as Scotty lives. If he goes away the Hawks are doomed to be run by beanie baby salesmen and bean counters again. McD proves again he's no hockey man. And I knew a hockey man and McD is no hockey man.
Jeez, wash the pepper out of your shorts. The guys just won a Cup. Give 'em a chance to fail before piling on. More rants from the suit haters. Have a polish sausage and relax.
Icehog, I prefer Irish stew. And don;t go getting into my shorts. It's crowded there.
Mike, would you be interested in joining a fantasy hockey league based on the ChicagoNow writers? Let me know. Patrick (Call of the Wild)
Patrick, I'm all yours. As everyone knows I'm pure fantasy.
Mike,
I find myself highly entertained by your sense of humor as usual.
I have not posted before, but your column and Icehogst's comment unearthed a Stadium memory from my gray matter. This in itself is refreshing because the older I get, the less frequent these revelations seem to occur.
I refer to a regular occurrence in the Stadium balconies. It always brought a grin to my face when a fan in his Hart Schaffner & Marx descended into the balcony seating - only to be greeted by a low rumbling croon of "Suuuuuiiiiit" from the loin cloth area.
Thanks for the grin today; both of you and Icehogst have a wit worth reading.
We need you. Please post again. My thoughts are so limited. I need help, as everyone will attest.
Is there a reason you don't link to the published work you quote from?
Anyway, Gonna miss Dale ...
Not sure what you mean. I only know sausage links. But if you want to link me, lick me. And I mean that in a positive way.
Love the writing.
You're not piling on in my opinion, you're stating the obvious which sometimes needs to be said, printed, etc.
Maybe lil' Bowman will win another Cup to silence the doubters or satiate the naysayers, but what if he doesn't? Is there a statue of limitations on blaming Dale Tallon when things don't go right? Or will McDonough/Blunk and the "One Goal" Crew come up with a new target rather than take responsibility for the roster/organization changes they made, cap induced or otherwise?