For a few years I have been attending one church on a regular basis.
However, in recent months some things about the church changed and my feeling changed about the church.
So I stopped going. I have not gone back to that church for about two months.
I have had some feelings of sadness, confusion and loss in these couple of months. I've been just sort of blah. I have a piece of me missing. But I no longer felt I was going to find that piece or peace at the old church. I also have not written on Bittersweet in all that time.
Today, as I sit here and write this I am thinking there is a correlation between not going to church and feeling that peace, and not being able to write. I believe this is what writer's block may actually be! (Problem solved! Writers everywhere uproariously applaud!!)
I have been feeling uninspired, though there are lots of things going on in my life and the world that are quite inspirational, noteworthy even! But, I have not been able to find my voice to write about those moments.
Last week and this week I attended a new church.
I drive right passed the old church to get to the new church.
As I pass I feel a pang of guilt, but then that is followed up by excitement to see what the pastor at the new church will
talk about when I get there.
Today, the pastor at the new church talked about how God created me in His image and how He wants me to be the best me I can be. He wants me to bridge that gap between who I am and who I and God want me to be.
Pastor said God is always sending new opportunities ... moments - sometimes in disguise - to provide the steps to get closer to who I was created to be. He said there is no amount of sin that can separate me from God or take away the image that God has stamped on me.
"It's a process, it's a journey," said Pastor Bruce Cole at Faith Community Church in Huntley. "At times we feel literally enslaved by so many things that keep our feet in the wrong direction."
He said there are always obstacles --society, work, relationships-- put in our path that keep us from becoming the better version of ourselves.
I especially love how my daughter stayed with the teen Bible study group afterward.
She nearly kicked and screamed when I wanted her to engage with the teen group at the other church.
She never felt part of the group. I think she was disconnected from the get-go. I hope my younger daughter will find her connection at the new church as well. So I almost always went to church alone. That never felt right. I now think this was one of the obstacles that pastor was talking about.
To find who I am meant to be, for my husband and my daughters to find who they are meant to be in God's eyes, will take "radical change," pastor said.
Maybe radical change at this point is leaving my former church and attending this new church? Dealing with the pang of guilt as I drive by the old church, feeling like a cheating spouse. It's all part of change. But I think it's necessary change.
I'm not sure, but what I am sure about is that I left church today feeling better than I had in months.
The sky was a different shade of blue and the clouds fluffier and more peaceful then ever.
I felt somewhat refreshed. I left church wanting to be a better me. I left church excited to come home and write a blog on Bittersweet.
I look forward to going to church next Sunday.
I yearn for more peace, more inspiration and a more simple flow of thoughts to move between my heart and mind through my finger tips and onto this keyboard.
What sort of radical changes do you think are needed to bringing to a fuller, richer life? Have you ever wanted a change but didn't know what that would look like? Have you ever had a moment to make a choice or decision that moved or changed you in some way?
Until next time, love each other!