"I don't have hot flashes. I have short vacations in the tropics."
I'm not kidding. I've had hot flashes since 2001 and there is no indication that they will ever stop. Sometimes I think they've gotten worse if that's even possible.
"I'm still hot ... it just comes in flashes."
Worse than what you might ask? How about worse than the time I was at work and as I walked across the floor my built-in furnace jumped to 600 degrees fahrenheit. That was bad enough, but the worst part came when the workplace started spinning in slow motion and the floor suddenly came up like someone was shaking out a rug. I made it to my destination and told no one. Just went about my day.
"They are not hot flashes, they are power surges!"
Unlike my co-worker who continually announces her hot flashes by bursting into or out of a room yelling, "Hot flashes, hot flashes!" If I'm ever in the throws of one of mine when she does that, I might hurt more than her feelings.
"Don't think of it as hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches."
More recently, I've woken up with a dull headache which escalates and the hot flashes come in waves. This goes on all day until I'm nauseous. At the point I think I'm going to die, everything stops.
"It's so freaking cold out right now that my cellulite has frozen over and my hot flashes are starting to feel good! Winning!"
I've had a few respites. I've participated in hot flash studies at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. The only time I got any relief is when I was in a blind study and I received Prempro. For almost a year I was hot flash free and I was a new woman! Unfortunately the side affects outweigh the benefits and once the study was over and I stopped the drug, my hot flashes returned.
I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week. - Erma Bombeck
How hard would that be Santa?
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