Let's Talk About Marriage Being Hard

One of my colleagues here at ChicagoNow wrote an article about the lack of articles on marriage being a little tough.  I think I can address that.

I've been married 29 years.  I have a wonderful husband.  He introduced me to the Catholic faith.  He has always worked to support our family which allowed me to stay home with our children.

He's very smart.  He went back to school after thirty years and got his Masters Degree in Engineering no less.  He speaks several languages, he plays several different instruments AND he has a marvelous singing voice.  He's a wonderful father and just an all around great guy.

But there are days when I want to kill him!  Sometimes it's a habit he has that just gets under my skin or a conversation that we're having that seems to just be going around in circles where neither of us understands the other.

We sometimes disagree privately about how to handle our kids, but we usually show them a united front, while one of us grits our teeth.

We sing at Mass every week and there have been times where we've had disagreements about the music.  Years ago, when we sang at another church, I was so angry with my husband that I was very close to quitting music ministry.

But over the years I've learned something.  One day when I was muttering under my breath that if I did kill him, there isn't a jury of my peers that would convict me, I had an epiphany.

I wondered if he's thinking the same thing about me?  What habit do I have that makes him s t a r k ,  r a v i n g ,  c r a z y ?  Why don't I understand him when he's clearly making his point?  Why on earth would I want to do THAT song THAT way for Mass?  And why do I continually defend the kids and not see their faults?  Among a long list of other things I'm sure he's thinking.

It was a sobering line of thought.  It never occurred to me that he might be having the same exact thoughts about me.  And frankly, I'm afraid to ask him!

So I've learned to walk away, or to sit down and really listen when he talks or, in desperate times, shut up and tune out!

I'm also of an age, where I don't believe in "love keeping us together."  Yes, I love my husband and he still loves me, but we have decided to stay together regardless of our feelings.  We've decided to be faithful to each other.

Yep, marriage is very hard, but God has a plan for us.  Our kids are young adults and we have the time to devote to music ministry.  It is something that we both truly love and do well together.

Along with faith, God has provided music as the glue that keeps our marriage together.


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  • Thank you for posting this. I'm somewhat relieved to hear after 29 years, you still have those days but have learned ways to "deal" with it.

  • In reply to Yoga Mom:


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