Tag: Sexual Violence

Next Year is its own Resolution

Next Year is its own Resolution
There is a desperation that comes at the end of the year. All the things not yet accomplished, all the things to begin fresh with the new year. Lists of goals and resolutions and the abortive calculus of “better than” versus “working on” multiplied by “Things That Have Changed.” After Thanksgiving, it’s all a matter of... Read more »

What It's Like to be a Rape Survivor in America Right Now

What It's Like to be a Rape Survivor in America Right Now
I am seven years old. Strange women at the public pool touch my hair. They grab me and pull me out of the line to the concession stand. It is frightening and aggressive, but they only mean it as a compliment. I know this because strange people are always stopping me and touching my hair. Whether... Read more »

When Nowhere Is Safe

When Nowhere Is Safe
When I was eight years old, I stopped sleeping. As many times as I’ve tried to figure out what made me stop, I’ve never managed to put my finger on anything specific. I spent months sneaking out of my bed at night, when the rest of my family was asleep, and going to the TV... Read more »
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What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy

What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy
It’s been another very, very difficult week for sexual assault survivors in the US, and I’d like to share what this week has been like for me. I know what it’s like to be held down and assaulted by a seventeen-year-old boy. At a party. With the aid of his friends. I know it’s been twenty... Read more »

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair
Halfway through my wisdom tooth extraction, the drugs wore off. The whole thing had started normally enough. Sitting on the chair, I breathed into a mask filled with gas. I looked away from the bright lights pointed into my mouth, and counted backward as the world faded to black. I assume they set to work... Read more »

Names and Nightmares

Names and Nightmares
PTSD is a funny animal. And by “funny” I mean “not funny at all, fuck you PTSD.” Last week I posted about the reluctance of people in the lives of rape survivors to find out how closely they might be connected to an assailant. As you might expect, a few friends reached out to me... Read more »
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Saying No to a High School Reunion, or, What To Do when your Friends are Friends with your Rapist

Saying No to a High School Reunion, or, What To Do when your Friends are Friends with your Rapist
This weekend, Mike and I enjoyed an anniversary getaway to Mackinac Island, sans-kids. It would have been wonderful no matter what, but it had the added bonus of giving me a wonderful excuse not to go to my high school reunion. I only attended high school for about fifteen months. Around that time I was raped by... Read more »

Reaching Back When You Reach Out

Reaching Back When You Reach Out
I write about a lot of things that people often don’t know how to talk about in person. Hell, I write about a lot of things I don’t know how to talk about in person. Part of that is the complexity of the social dynamics in a conversation (is this a person I can talk openly about... Read more »

Aziz Ansari and Passive Aggressive Rape Threats

Aziz Ansari and Passive Aggressive Rape Threats
In September of last year, I met a woman at a party. We exchanged numbers. We texted back and forth and eventually we went on a date. We went out to dinner, and afterwards we ended up engaging in sexual activity, which by all indications was completely consensual. — Aziz Ansari I cried the whole ride home.... Read more »
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Look out, here's an abortion rant...

Look out, here's an abortion rant...
The other day, I read a reader comment in an Alabama newspaper. The person who wrote it said she was torn between, “…voting for a pedophile, or voting for someone who believes in abortion.”   And after a day’s long and hard reflection on how on earth this could be a difficult decision, I figured... Read more »