Tag: Fear

Rape Culture and Government, a #SAAPM microcosm

Rape Culture and Government, a #SAAPM microcosm
One of my favorite teachers of all time, the late legendary Tom Dodd of Community High School in Ann Arbor, MI, was known for being inappropriate with students. I don’t mean he had sexual relationships with students, but a big part of what made him an institution and a student favorite was his overt, overwhelming... Read more »

Next Year is its own Resolution

Next Year is its own Resolution
There is a desperation that comes at the end of the year. All the things not yet accomplished, all the things to begin fresh with the new year. Lists of goals and resolutions and the abortive calculus of “better than” versus “working on” multiplied by “Things That Have Changed.” After Thanksgiving, it’s all a matter of... Read more »

What It's Like to be a Rape Survivor in America Right Now

What It's Like to be a Rape Survivor in America Right Now
I am seven years old. Strange women at the public pool touch my hair. They grab me and pull me out of the line to the concession stand. It is frightening and aggressive, but they only mean it as a compliment. I know this because strange people are always stopping me and touching my hair. Whether... Read more »
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When Nowhere Is Safe

When Nowhere Is Safe
When I was eight years old, I stopped sleeping. As many times as I’ve tried to figure out what made me stop, I’ve never managed to put my finger on anything specific. I spent months sneaking out of my bed at night, when the rest of my family was asleep, and going to the TV... Read more »

What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy

What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy
It’s been another very, very difficult week for sexual assault survivors in the US, and I’d like to share what this week has been like for me. I know what it’s like to be held down and assaulted by a seventeen-year-old boy. At a party. With the aid of his friends. I know it’s been twenty... Read more »

"But also," an annual exploration of September Grief

"But also," an annual exploration of September Grief
This time of year is hard. It’s hard when you have kids, and you’re transitioning from summer to school, and the children are exhausted and you’re exhausted and everyone is raw from the sudden change of pace. It’s hard when you’re Jewish, and you’re thrust into the High Holy Days, and whatever level of involvement... Read more »
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Hot Dogs, Birthdays, and Life's Big Questions

Hot Dogs, Birthdays, and Life's Big Questions
Yesterday was my husband’s thirty-sixth birthday. He has lived a third of his life knowing he has brain cancer. At some point in all of our lives, we have an existential crisis. A moment where we wake up in the morning and say to ourselves, “I’m going to die. One day, I’m going to be... Read more »

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark
During my Complete Mental Breakdown(TM) a few years ago, I fantasized about my husband being killed. Stabbed on a dark train platform on the way home, he clutches his stomach as a small, faceless stranger disappears into the shadows. They take his computer bag, which is later found in a dumpster a block away. Or... Read more »

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair
Halfway through my wisdom tooth extraction, the drugs wore off. The whole thing had started normally enough. Sitting on the chair, I breathed into a mask filled with gas. I looked away from the bright lights pointed into my mouth, and counted backward as the world faded to black. I assume they set to work... Read more »
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Using Privilege To Bend the Moral Arc of the Universe Towards Justice

Using Privilege To Bend the Moral Arc of the Universe Towards Justice
On Sunday, I left my children behind. It felt like an absurdly privileged thing to do, to willfully drive away from my children, cross hundreds of miles, knowing I could call them at any time. That I could skype with them each evening before they went to bed. Knowing they were with family, that they were... Read more »