Tag: Death

Ghosts

Ghosts
This weekend I dreamed I was talking to my dead sister. It was raining, and I had just learned I probably had COVID-19, and she and I were watching fireworks in a massive crowd, in the front row of a natural amphitheater of grassy steppes over a roiling river. The river was flooding, cutting off... Read more »

Complications of Cancer and Coronavirus

Complications of Cancer and Coronavirus
  Mike spent a few days in the hospital this week. His brain was bleeding. This isn’t exactly to say cancer treatment isn’t going well. It’s not going badly. But there have been complications. With clotting problems, and bleeding problems, and balance problems, and random fevers, and bad medication reactions, and the fact that we’re... Read more »

Thinking of my Late Sister, On My Birthday

Thinking of my Late Sister, On My Birthday
There’s a numbness that feels like it isn’t numb. I will be going about my business, helping Mike with his rehab, tucking the kids into bed, taking notes on a Teams meeting with doctors or nurses wearing what I assume is a smile on my face. I will be answering emails, or figuring out what load of... Read more »
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An Unfiltered and Exhausted Reflection on My Recently Deceased Sister

An Unfiltered and Exhausted Reflection on My Recently Deceased Sister
One of the most formative moments of my life was the afternoon my older sister first tried to kill herself. I was sixteen, a college student, in the middle of a studio art class I adored. My cell phone rang and I took it into the hall. It was my younger sister, in a rush... Read more »

In Memory of JM Bates

In Memory of JM Bates
Because I know she hated when I made everything about me, but I’m grieving so I’m going to do it anyway, here’s a little story about how I met her. The year after I left art school set in motion everything that has so far happened in the rest of my life. I began working... Read more »

To the Man Who Threatened My Life at the Pharmacy, on the 75th Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz

To the Man Who Threatened My Life at the Pharmacy, on the 75th Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz
Hello, sir. You probably don’t remember me. I am probably one of a blur of vague, snowflake, millennial types. Or maybe I’m part of a blur of Jews, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just one of the many people you must encounter on your daily to-do that make you seethe with hatred and rage, I... Read more »
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There is no Doctor for a Broken Heart

There is no Doctor for a Broken Heart
If you follow me on social media (Instagram and Facebook especially, although also MeWe and Twitter), you’ll know we’re having an insanely expensive January, in terms of medical costs. Honestly, all of our Januaries are expensive, our health insurance deductible resets, and we start from scratch. Usually, we hit our $5K deductible in February. This year,... Read more »

An Atheist Tefilah

An Atheist Tefilah
I do not generally pray. I recite the Shabbat prayers each Friday, on holidays, Yarzheits. I say the Shehecheyanu on special occasions, I respond to news of poor health with a mi shebeirach, to deaths with a mourner’s kaddish. But when it really comes down to it, I do not pray. To me the liturgy... Read more »

"What Happens if Daddy Dies?" Parenting through Glioblastoma

"What Happens if Daddy Dies?" Parenting through Glioblastoma
I just happened to be walking past while my mother was putting the kids to bed. I’ve been doing that a lot, happening to be places where people are doing things that are really my job, because there are so many people who are here to help, and I am letting them. But I popped into... Read more »
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When Some Children Matter and Some Don't

When Some Children Matter and Some Don't
A few months ago, a little boy in my community was murdered through abuse and neglect. It ripped a hole through the fabric of my town; nearly every family reeled at the thought of what had been done to that little boy. The town, the whole county, adorned itself in blue ribbons, tied around fenceposts... Read more »