Tag: Anxiety

Living with Depression and Learning Self-Care

Living with Depression and Learning Self-Care
      The first time I heard the word “depression” and understood it, I understood that I was depressed. I was probably about eleven years old, and it put a name to the thing that had been plaguing me for so long it seemed my defining characteristic. I can remember people, adults, telling me... Read more »

Next Year is its own Resolution

Next Year is its own Resolution
There is a desperation that comes at the end of the year. All the things not yet accomplished, all the things to begin fresh with the new year. Lists of goals and resolutions and the abortive calculus of “better than” versus “working on” multiplied by “Things That Have Changed.” After Thanksgiving, it’s all a matter of... Read more »

When Nowhere Is Safe

When Nowhere Is Safe
When I was eight years old, I stopped sleeping. As many times as I’ve tried to figure out what made me stop, I’ve never managed to put my finger on anything specific. I spent months sneaking out of my bed at night, when the rest of my family was asleep, and going to the TV... Read more »
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What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy

What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy
It’s been another very, very difficult week for sexual assault survivors in the US, and I’d like to share what this week has been like for me. I know what it’s like to be held down and assaulted by a seventeen-year-old boy. At a party. With the aid of his friends. I know it’s been twenty... Read more »

"But also," an annual exploration of September Grief

"But also," an annual exploration of September Grief
This time of year is hard. It’s hard when you have kids, and you’re transitioning from summer to school, and the children are exhausted and you’re exhausted and everyone is raw from the sudden change of pace. It’s hard when you’re Jewish, and you’re thrust into the High Holy Days, and whatever level of involvement... Read more »

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark
During my Complete Mental Breakdown(TM) a few years ago, I fantasized about my husband being killed. Stabbed on a dark train platform on the way home, he clutches his stomach as a small, faceless stranger disappears into the shadows. They take his computer bag, which is later found in a dumpster a block away. Or... Read more »
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Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair
Halfway through my wisdom tooth extraction, the drugs wore off. The whole thing had started normally enough. Sitting on the chair, I breathed into a mask filled with gas. I looked away from the bright lights pointed into my mouth, and counted backward as the world faded to black. I assume they set to work... Read more »

There Is No Such Thing as "Other People's Children"

There Is No Such Thing as "Other People's Children"
You may have noticed I didn’t post last week. The truth is, I couldn’t. I was too wounded, completely crushed by grief. “Grief” might sound like a strong word for what I was going through, for what so many Americans were going through, but I assure you it was real, and tangible, and agonizing. When... Read more »

Names and Nightmares

Names and Nightmares
PTSD is a funny animal. And by “funny” I mean “not funny at all, fuck you PTSD.” Last week I posted about the reluctance of people in the lives of rape survivors to find out how closely they might be connected to an assailant. As you might expect, a few friends reached out to me... Read more »
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Reaching Back When You Reach Out

Reaching Back When You Reach Out
I write about a lot of things that people often don’t know how to talk about in person. Hell, I write about a lot of things I don’t know how to talk about in person. Part of that is the complexity of the social dynamics in a conversation (is this a person I can talk openly about... Read more »