Tag: Anxiety

For All the Mothers Kissing Their Children Goodbye

For All the Mothers Kissing Their Children Goodbye
This morning I kissed my children on their not-quite-clean-enough heads, buttoned them into their slightly-too-small raincoats, packed double checked that they had lunches packed in their beginning-to-fall-apart lunchboxes, and told them I loved them. I watched them run off into the rainy morning, to climb onto the school bus and go away from me for... Read more »

Playing "Would You Rather" for Brain Tumor Awareness Month

Playing "Would You Rather" for Brain Tumor Awareness Month
Recently, I find myself in need of poetry. I have drafted so many poems in these last few days. For the little boy who was killed in my community, for Sexual Assault Awareness Month, for Brain Tumor Awareness Month, for the victims of the Poway synagogue attack, for my daughters. My feelings have been so... Read more »

Living with Depression and Learning Self-Care

Living with Depression and Learning Self-Care
      The first time I heard the word “depression” and understood it, I understood that I was depressed. I was probably about eleven years old, and it put a name to the thing that had been plaguing me for so long it seemed my defining characteristic. I can remember people, adults, telling me... Read more »
Advertisement:

Next Year is its own Resolution

Next Year is its own Resolution
There is a desperation that comes at the end of the year. All the things not yet accomplished, all the things to begin fresh with the new year. Lists of goals and resolutions and the abortive calculus of “better than” versus “working on” multiplied by “Things That Have Changed.” After Thanksgiving, it’s all a matter of... Read more »

When Nowhere Is Safe

When Nowhere Is Safe
When I was eight years old, I stopped sleeping. As many times as I’ve tried to figure out what made me stop, I’ve never managed to put my finger on anything specific. I spent months sneaking out of my bed at night, when the rest of my family was asleep, and going to the TV... Read more »

What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy

What I Know About Being Raped by a 17yo Boy
It’s been another very, very difficult week for sexual assault survivors in the US, and I’d like to share what this week has been like for me. I know what it’s like to be held down and assaulted by a seventeen-year-old boy. At a party. With the aid of his friends. I know it’s been twenty... Read more »
Advertisement:

"But also," an annual exploration of September Grief

"But also," an annual exploration of September Grief
This time of year is hard. It’s hard when you have kids, and you’re transitioning from summer to school, and the children are exhausted and you’re exhausted and everyone is raw from the sudden change of pace. It’s hard when you’re Jewish, and you’re thrust into the High Holy Days, and whatever level of involvement... Read more »

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark
During my Complete Mental Breakdown(TM) a few years ago, I fantasized about my husband being killed. Stabbed on a dark train platform on the way home, he clutches his stomach as a small, faceless stranger disappears into the shadows. They take his computer bag, which is later found in a dumpster a block away. Or... Read more »

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair
Halfway through my wisdom tooth extraction, the drugs wore off. The whole thing had started normally enough. Sitting on the chair, I breathed into a mask filled with gas. I looked away from the bright lights pointed into my mouth, and counted backward as the world faded to black. I assume they set to work... Read more »
Advertisement:

There Is No Such Thing as "Other People's Children"

There Is No Such Thing as "Other People's Children"
You may have noticed I didn’t post last week. The truth is, I couldn’t. I was too wounded, completely crushed by grief. “Grief” might sound like a strong word for what I was going through, for what so many Americans were going through, but I assure you it was real, and tangible, and agonizing. When... Read more »