Category: Life

Singing While The World Burns

Singing While The World Burns
Last month was our twelfth wedding anniversary. I would have posted about it, but it was a difficult week. He had just finished radiation, just started new chemotherapy, and we had begun to have overnight nursing care come so I could sleep. We were approaching the last days of school. I wanted to write about... Read more »

Ghosts

Ghosts
This weekend I dreamed I was talking to my dead sister. It was raining, and I had just learned I probably had COVID-19, and she and I were watching fireworks in a massive crowd, in the front row of a natural amphitheater of grassy steppes over a roiling river. The river was flooding, cutting off... Read more »

Restlessness and Radiation in the Rain

Restlessness and Radiation in the Rain
The drive to radiation is wet. Unseasonable rain pounds the windshield, causes semi-trucks to loom larger in the inconsistent traffic. Mike is tired. I am tired. The radiation fatigues his brain to the extreme, and his sleep is interrupted over and over again each night. I am tired because I do not go to bed until... Read more »
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Complications of Cancer and Coronavirus

Complications of Cancer and Coronavirus
  Mike spent a few days in the hospital this week. His brain was bleeding. This isn’t exactly to say cancer treatment isn’t going well. It’s not going badly. But there have been complications. With clotting problems, and bleeding problems, and balance problems, and random fevers, and bad medication reactions, and the fact that we’re... Read more »

Thinking of my Late Sister, On My Birthday

Thinking of my Late Sister, On My Birthday
There’s a numbness that feels like it isn’t numb. I will be going about my business, helping Mike with his rehab, tucking the kids into bed, taking notes on a Teams meeting with doctors or nurses wearing what I assume is a smile on my face. I will be answering emails, or figuring out what load of... Read more »

An Unfiltered and Exhausted Reflection on My Recently Deceased Sister

An Unfiltered and Exhausted Reflection on My Recently Deceased Sister
One of the most formative moments of my life was the afternoon my older sister first tried to kill herself. I was sixteen, a college student, in the middle of a studio art class I adored. My cell phone rang and I took it into the hall. It was my younger sister, in a rush... Read more »
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Singing Diyenu in a Hospital in the Midst of a Plague

Singing Diyenu in a Hospital in the Midst of a Plague
This has been a hard month. Despite the difficulties, I am trying to be mindful. I am trying to be present. And because Passover begins in two days, I am expressing myself through pesadech trope. If they had done a successful surgery but I wasn’t permitted to stay in the hospital, dayenu. If I had been... Read more »

Fury: Women's Lived Experiences During the Trump Era

Fury: Women's Lived Experiences During the Trump Era
It’s a strange thing to have a book come out about how horribly you have been impacted by the Trump presidency, and not to be able to hold it in your hands because you’re trapped in a hospital in large part because of the incompetence of the Trump presidency. It took me an additional four... Read more »

Brain Surgery in the era of Coronavirus

Brain Surgery in the era of Coronavirus
What follows is the update emailed to our friends and family, regarding today’s very long, long, long experience at the hospital.   Hello, everyone. First, I hope this message finds you all safe, healthy, and not together. As somebody watching health professionals scramble to prepare and accommodate the influx of Covid-19 patients, I urge you to... Read more »
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No Rest for the Weary, or, Brain Surgery, Round 4, Fight!

No Rest for the Weary, or, Brain Surgery, Round 4, Fight!
This post was written very late at night on very little sleep, my apologies for any incoherence. You know what, fuck that. I’m not sorry. This post was written before I spent two days in the ER because the poor guy also has influenza A, and I’m just beyond guilt at the way I’m expressing... Read more »