Category: Depresssion

Colposcopy and the Hippocampus, or, Your Stress is Killing You

Colposcopy and the Hippocampus, or, Your Stress is Killing You
“You need to reduce your stress,” my doctor said. She said this at the tail end of a paragraph about all the things I wasn’t supposed to do in the aftermath of my procedure. I was not supposed to exercise, not even yoga. I was not supposed to soak in a hot bath. I was... Read more »

The Inevitability of Hope and Change

The Inevitability of Hope and Change
I am standing beside my daughter’s bed, having a serious talk about school. She has no idea what her math homework is. She has no idea where her math homework is. She doesn’t pay attention in class, instead, she watches the students’ chats go by, which are silly and confusing. “One of the boys just... Read more »

Truth, Lies, and Selfies

Truth, Lies, and Selfies
Over the last three months, I’ve spent a lot of time on Snapchat. I know, right, what is it, 2012? But I have. And on my public Snapchat, Mike and kids rarely appear. On Snapchat, my life looks… kind of good. Lots of selfies (my hair has been AMAZING in quarantine, and between my eating restrictions from... Read more »
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Our 13th Glioblastoma Cancerversary

Our 13th Glioblastoma Cancerversary
Thirteen years ago, today, I was sitting in my pajamas, scrolling through my Facebook feed, reading a spectacular number of messages from friends offering me their congratulations on my engagement. Mike and I had gotten engaged the night before, on the most perfect day of my life. There had been literal fireworks, of course, but... Read more »

Complications of Cancer and Coronavirus

Complications of Cancer and Coronavirus
  Mike spent a few days in the hospital this week. His brain was bleeding. This isn’t exactly to say cancer treatment isn’t going well. It’s not going badly. But there have been complications. With clotting problems, and bleeding problems, and balance problems, and random fevers, and bad medication reactions, and the fact that we’re... Read more »

An Unfiltered and Exhausted Reflection on My Recently Deceased Sister

An Unfiltered and Exhausted Reflection on My Recently Deceased Sister
One of the most formative moments of my life was the afternoon my older sister first tried to kill herself. I was sixteen, a college student, in the middle of a studio art class I adored. My cell phone rang and I took it into the hall. It was my younger sister, in a rush... Read more »
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An Atheist Tefilah

An Atheist Tefilah
I do not generally pray. I recite the Shabbat prayers each Friday, on holidays, Yarzheits. I say the Shehecheyanu on special occasions, I respond to news of poor health with a mi shebeirach, to deaths with a mourner’s kaddish. But when it really comes down to it, I do not pray. To me the liturgy... Read more »

A Conversation with my Suicidal Teenaged Self

A Conversation with my Suicidal Teenaged Self
It’s National Suicide Prevention Week. If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.     When I was fourteen, I tried to end my life. I had been deeply depressed for a long, long time. I felt nobody understood, and... Read more »

The Nightmares That Don't End

The Nightmares That Don't End
Content warning: This is a post about PTSD and sexual trauma, among other things.   After my sexual assault when I was fourteen, I attempted suicide. It’s hard to describe the feeling of a simultaneous overdose on contraindicating substances, but it left me with a feeling of physical unreality that took months to begin to pass.... Read more »
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Parenting with Bojack and Bertie

Parenting with Bojack and Bertie
Those of you who follow me on my social media (links below and you totally should), you know I’m a bit obsessed with my television. I watch Star Trek, all Star Trek, on a bit of a perpetual loop. I’m a giant nerd for Doctor Who. And I re-watch the entirety of Bojack Horseman. A lot. Bojack... Read more »