Tahlequah's Dirge

Tahlequah's Dirge
A poem:   Tahlequah’s Dirge For sixteen days a mother orca has carried the corpse of her calf across the sea. We the human watch in awe, in horror, at the progression of her mourning, performing nonverbal aquatic adaptations of emotion we only channel through “It’s Quiet Uptown” and we witness, we the simple, the... Read more »

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark

What Fear is Trying to Teach You in the Dark
During my Complete Mental Breakdown(TM) a few years ago, I fantasized about my husband being killed. Stabbed on a dark train platform on the way home, he clutches his stomach as a small, faceless stranger disappears into the shadows. They take his computer bag, which is later found in a dumpster a block away. Or... Read more »

12 Reasons Having Kids Is The WORST (and 6 unexpected ways it's magical)

12 Reasons Having Kids Is The WORST (and 6 unexpected ways it's magical)
A list of things I hate about having children, in no particular order, and perhaps influenced by how long it’s been since I’ve made a family meal that doesn’t revolve around simple refined carbohydrates. Having to wake up and be responsible for people less functional than me before 7am every day Having to justify or... Read more »
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Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair

Discovering My PTSD in the Dentist's Chair
Halfway through my wisdom tooth extraction, the drugs wore off. The whole thing had started normally enough. Sitting on the chair, I breathed into a mask filled with gas. I looked away from the bright lights pointed into my mouth, and counted backward as the world faded to black. I assume they set to work... Read more »

Today's Gratitude Journal: Thank You, Feminist Porn

Today's Gratitude Journal: Thank You, Feminist Porn
The first pornographic movie I ever saw was without a doubt the worst porn I have seen to this day. It was a home-made piece of trash, featuring crying women and a cameraman who played the dual role of the only male figure in every scene, pointing his camera down at his penis and the crying girl... Read more »

In Memorium

In Memorium
Today we are burying my husband’s grandmother. There are many kind things I could say about her, that she was brilliant and sweet and kind, but mostly when I think of her, I think of a conversation I once had with my mother-in-law. I don’t know what prompted me, but I was compelled to tell her... Read more »
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Using Privilege To Bend the Moral Arc of the Universe Towards Justice

Using Privilege To Bend the Moral Arc of the Universe Towards Justice
On Sunday, I left my children behind. It felt like an absurdly privileged thing to do, to willfully drive away from my children, cross hundreds of miles, knowing I could call them at any time. That I could skype with them each evening before they went to bed. Knowing they were with family, that they were... Read more »

There Is No Such Thing as "Other People's Children"

There Is No Such Thing as "Other People's Children"
You may have noticed I didn’t post last week. The truth is, I couldn’t. I was too wounded, completely crushed by grief. “Grief” might sound like a strong word for what I was going through, for what so many Americans were going through, but I assure you it was real, and tangible, and agonizing. When... Read more »

Names and Nightmares

Names and Nightmares
PTSD is a funny animal. And by “funny” I mean “not funny at all, fuck you PTSD.” Last week I posted about the reluctance of people in the lives of rape survivors to find out how closely they might be connected to an assailant. As you might expect, a few friends reached out to me... Read more »
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Saying No to a High School Reunion, or, What To Do when your Friends are Friends with your Rapist

Saying No to a High School Reunion, or, What To Do when your Friends are Friends with your Rapist
This weekend, Mike and I enjoyed an anniversary getaway to Mackinac Island, sans-kids. It would have been wonderful no matter what, but it had the added bonus of giving me a wonderful excuse not to go to my high school reunion. I only attended high school for about fifteen months. Around that time I was raped by... Read more »